'AITA for refusing to open the gate for my neighbor?' + UPDATE 1 YEAR LATER

For some context, OP first shared this post asking for advice on a situation with a new neighbor: "How do I tell my neighbor to only contact me for emergencies?"

New neighbor moved in and honestly I don’t like her. She’s kind of entitled, manipulative, ungrateful and is always asking for favors. The landlord also does not like her but is stuck with her until her lease is up. She takes advantage of others kindness and often lies to get what she wants. She is constantly contacting me to complain about the property and maybe she’s venting but it’s too annoying.

I am no longer the property manager. I feel she is jealous that the landlord favors me and gives me lots of more leeway. When she whines about how my unit is allowed to have dogs I put her in her place. Stating that the only person who can call into question my tenancy is the landlord.

She backed off and feels guilty but she keeps trying to be my friend and honestly I want nothing to do with her but also wish to remain cordial.

Today alone, she called me non stop while I was napping stating she couldn’t find her key for the garden gate. I was livid and exhausted. She came to my door apologizing but still urgently asking I help her unlock the gate. Every time she. texts it’s always a long monologue, although it’s never hostile exchanges it stresses me out immensely.

What are some good HR Responses to tell her to basically leave me alone and do not expect me to be part of her support system. I cannot continue to be bothered with things regarding the property. I work 3 jobs, in school, and am undergoing health treatment.

This is what top commenters had to say:

SnoopThereItIs88 said:

"I prefer to keep to myself and have a very busy lifestyle. Please only text or call me in the event that you need an ambulance". If you say "emergency", she will consider everything an emergency. So specify that unless she needs emergency services, to leave you be.

Kittytigris said:

I have to go on call and sometimes I get people calling me for nonsense stuff. First thing you need to ask, ‘is someone badly injured and need to go to the hospital?’ Then follow it up with ‘Are you or anyone around you a danger to yourself?’, then go with ‘does anyone need to go to the hospital emergency room?’

If no to all, ‘sounds like whatever it is can wait till later. I’ll let you know when I’m available to speak with you.’ After a while the nonsense calls stop because they made it clear to themselves that it’s not an emergency. Oh, and speak before they do. If they go on a spiel, say, it’s a yes or no question then repeat the question.

Six months later, OP posted: "AITA for not opening the gate for my neighbor?"

I (27F) previously posted about my unruly neighbor (29F) here and wanted to provide some updates on the situation. I have expressed to her multiple times in the past I would only like to be contacted for medical emergencies only and she continued to disrespect that boundary for arbitrary reasons.

Last month, she sent me a text about me, apparently "Stomping on the stairs" and saying that her kids are trying to sleep. I told her firmly that I was not stomping and that the stairs are old and I cannot do anything about the noise. She needs to contact the landlord if she has a problem. Quite frankly, her kid's comfort is not my responsibility.

Today, things escalated. She called me from a new cell number while I was at work and asked if I could unlock the gate. She has done this multiple times in the past despite me telling her only to contact me for medical emergencies. I told her I was at work, and she stated, "Oh well. It's just my son's bus is coming in 10 minutes and I can't find the key."

I was very irritated because I was fed up with her continuously bothering me about issues that were not my problem. I firmly told her, "Hey, recall that I said I only want to be contacted for medical emergencies. This boundary has not been respected lately; I need that to be respected."

She immediately becomes defensive and states, "Do you not understand? This IS an emergency. My son has his bus coming in 10 minutes." I stated "This is a YOU emergency. This is something you should have planned better for and I'm at work, I cannot drop everything now."

She raises her voice stating "WELL THATS INCREDIBLY RUDE AND THAT IS B.S. OP. I HAVE UNLOCKED THE GATE TWICE FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND." I calmly stated "I know for a fact that is not true because my boyfriend has never approached you for anything. Why are you lying?" and she got angry and hung up. I immediately called my boyfriend to tell him, and he stated I could have handled it better.

He mentioned he was home from the gym at the time ( I was unaware), and he would have opened the gate for her as a one-time thing. I stated, "No because if we give in to her again, she will continue to bother us for perceived emergencies." My bf is nonconfrontational and is more willing to give in to her this time to keep the peace.

I think my neighbor is very manipulative and always a victim. I caught her on the ring camera complaining right after about how I never want to engage with her and talk to her but I'm friendly with all the other neighbors except her. This is true, I simply don't like her and think she is not a good person. Plus I have a longer history with all the other neighbors. She also said I should help her because I am her neighbor.

Anyway, could I have handled this better? I was shaking afterward because I did not expect to be cussed at today, and I was livid. Should I inform the landlord? He does not like her either and is planning on NOT renewing her lease, which ends at the end of the month. Also I observed a few hours later that she magically managed to find her key. So I wasn’t needed after all.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

TXCRH67 said:

Definitely NTA. You set boundaries a while ago. This neighbor apparently doesn't care about your boundaries. You set her straight on the boundaries, this is on her, she will take the mile if you even give her an inch.

Call the landlord and fill him in on the situation and block her number, she effed around and you made sure she found out. I would also block her number from your boyfriend's phone just in case.

zanne54 said:

I'm unclear why you would even offer her medical emergencies, are you 911? No? Then what medical emergency could you handle better than emergency services?

How would I handle the situation better? "Eff off, leave me alone, don't even look at me and don't even dream of bothering me with any of your bullshit again or I'll report you for harassment." And I'd make it clear to BF that I expect him to shun her completely as if she doesn't exist. And then I'd inform the landlord that she's been harassing you, again.

And Competitive-Alps871 said:

She needs to contact the landlord. Period. You are perfectly entitled to ignore her. You are right, her lost key is not your responsibility. Yes, it would be nice if you were able to help her out, but, it’s not absolutely necessary. Maybe if she is inconvenienced, she will stop being so careless with her key, etc. If the landlord is not available, I guess she needs to call a locksmith. Again, that’s her problem.

She shared this EDIT in response to comments:

I wanted to clarify some things.

1.) So far she only has my number and not my bf's. She has changed her number several times.

2.) I have blocked her old numbers already. But she changes her number every few months. I unfortunately have to answer unknown numbers due to the small business I run on the side. I had no clue she was calling when I answered.

3.) She has a habit of texting me from new numbers at least every 30 days for something small or not within my scope of obligation. I feel the landlord mostly ignores her, which is why she feels she needs to contact me. Regardless not my problem.

Four months later, she shared this satisfying update:

I’m back with a long-overdue (and incredibly satisfying) update to my original post about my boundary-stomping neighbor—let’s call her Felicia—who made my life miserable for months.

If you missed the drama: I (27F) had told Felicia (29F) repeatedly to only contact me in case of a true medical emergency. She ignored that entirely, constantly texting me from new numbers to complain or ask for favors—like unlocking the gate because she forgot her key. When I reminded her I was at work and couldn’t help, she cursed me out, called me rude, and got defensive. I stood firm and cut contact.

Apparently, that didn’t sit well with her. She stopped paying rent shortly after—and it all went downhill from there. Soon after, a group of strange men showed up and smashed her window. In March.

When it was still under 50 degrees outside. We later found out those men were most likely sent by her baby daddy, who was furious because Felicia had been cheating on him—with a new guy who had a key and was stopping by regularly. The drama practically wrote itself.

The landlord tried contacting her multiple times about both the broken window and the unpaid rent. No answer. No response. She went full ghost mode for over a month. Meanwhile, she secretly moved in two random friends who weren’t on the lease and were just as chaotic. They started having mail sent to the unit—clearly trying to use the address to claim benefits.

The landlord had enough and reported them to DCFS and the state for suspected mail fraud and illegal use of the address. Not to mention: Felicia also refused to let the landlord in to fix the broken window, making the place unfit for her kids in cold weather. When DCFS showed up, she refused to answer the door.

The very next day, she and her friends vanished. Poof. But not without leaving one final mess: the apartment was trashed—garbage everywhere, broken furniture, and months’ worth of used diapers stacked up like some biohazardous monument to dysfunction. It was disgusting.

And honestly? I’ve never felt lighter. She was like a troll under the bridge, always lurking, ready to spring drama on whoever passed by. Now I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own home anymore. I’m finally outside gardening in a clean yard—no trash, no chaos, no tension in the air. Even the landlord is still shaken—he’s scared to rent the unit out again anytime soon. I don’t blame him.

TL;DR: Felicia tried to guilt-trip and manipulate me for months. I held my boundary, and the universe (and a very fed-up landlord) handled the rest. She’s gone, and peace has been fully restored.

Thank you to everyone who validated me the first time. Your support gave me the confidence to trust my gut—and reminded me that “being neighborly” does not mean letting someone walk all over you.