"AITA for not posting my girlfriend on social media?"
Girlfriend 22F, wants me 23M to post her on Instagram but I don’t want to. We’ve been together 3 years. Steady relationship but one constant thing she never fails to bring up is me not posting her on social media. I don’t care for social media. I don’t even want it.
To be honest, the only reason I ever made an account was because when I was single, others often made a point that I was a weird or have something wrong with me for not having it. Only reason I haven’t deleted it is because my girlfriend thinks it’s a red flag.
I'd say this whole issue stems from her ex who refused to post her on social media because he used it to cheat on her and had secret accounts as well. But one thing I want is privacy in my relationship. I’ve posted Instagram stories before and I hated that certain people would view them.
More specifically, other guys that followed my girlfriend would go on my account. To me, it’s them sizing me up because they’re interested in my gf. But maybe I’m paranoid. I’ve explained this to her but she just deflects and thinks I’m hiding her, or I’m ashamed of her or something.
But I really just want the piece of mind that no one is searching me up even if nothing ever comes of it. She insists that she trusts me in the relationship and I’ve also reassured her many times but this is one thing she does not let go of.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
BeardyJames said:
NTA. I would just delete your social media at this point. If you don't like it and don't use it then you don't need it.
BeanBubbles12 said:
She’s telling you she wants to be loved loudly. Maybe you can find a way to do that without compromising your feeling of privacy.
Lucky_lule said:
Just set your account to private my guy, then only approved followers can see your posts and you can just share a few pics to ppl you don’t mind seeing it.
Few-Pineapple-5632 said:
“…the only reason I have it is because when I was single…” That’s why she thinks this. She knows that when you were single, you used it. Your refusal to change your status, in her mind, indicates that you are keeping a relationship safety net. Either post about your relationship or close your accounts if you want to keep this girl.
Crazy-Jackfruit4311 said:
NAH, but I’d have make her a post to give her peace of mind. It doesn’t have to be a picture of you and her in the picture, maybe your back or just two hands holding to show that you’re in a relationship. There’s a way to give her security without sacrificing your privacy.
Z32anxiety said:
NTA. Social media is a relationship minefield and we’re still figuring out the standards, our parents and grandparents didn’t have to deal with this stuff. I think after 3 years a pic or two on your profile of you two together is not unreasonable, but pressure to make regular performative posts about your relationship sounds exhausting.
mikchiles said:
YTA - one little post of your gf to make her feel secure after her ex cheated via socials shouldn’t be so hard. You say you like to be private, but it sounds like you’re more insecure about other guys “sizing up” to you.
You have the girl & she loves you, she just wants to feel loved & secure too. If the tables were flipped I’m sure she wouldn’t have a problem posting you. Yes this generation is crazy different due to growing up with social media, but if you truly love her it shouldn’t feel like such an issue. If you can’t make her feel secure, she deserves someone who can.