"AITA for not reminding my husband that it was my birthday?"
I feel so pathetic...So, my (45f) birthday was last Wednesday. I have been with my husband (56m) for 7 years. I like to make birthdays special for my family. For example, I decorate my son's room while he's sleeping so he can wake up feeling celebrated and loved:) I'm cheesy, I know lol.
For my husband, I put out his gifts and cards so he can see them when he wakes up and I'll make whatever he wants to eat for supper or we go out if he wants to; it's his choice. And whatever else he wants to do for his birthday.
My husband has always gotten me something for my birthday, with cake and a card. It's great:) But this year, no birthday wishes in the morning, no mention, nothing. Around supper time, we were chatting after work, asking about each other's day, and I asked him if he new what day it was.
He realized and said that he completely forgot it was my bday, and came to give me a hug and that he'll get me a gift. I said that's okay, but I was hurt that he didn't think of me. He completely shut down and went to lie down. I went out for a walk, because I was crying and I didn't want my son to see me cry. I walked, crying in the rain, like an idiot.
A sad, stupid, idiot. My husband has been in a pissy mood since. I have not mentioned by birthday following his shut down, just kept going with the week and taking care of our family. He has barely spoken to me. This morning I went for an errand before work (I work from home) and brought him back his favorite candy bar, because I always do when I bring back snacks.
When he saw it this morning on the table, he asked if it was for him, I said yes, and he threw it in the garbage before leaving for work. When he came back from work, he said that I destroyed him by telling that I was hurt that he forgot my birthday.
That he apologized, (the hug), and when I told him that he didn't think of it hurt me, that destroyed him. So to be clear, I never yelled, or brought it up again in the following days; I just said that one sentence about it hurting my feelings, and that makes a horrible partner.
He said I should have reminded him, given him a heads up. I know when his birthday is, I don't need a reminder, so my brain kinda froze when he said that. I order his gifts in advance when I find things he's gonna love. Anyway, AITA for not telling him my birthday was coming up?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Sweaty-Delivery-5300 said:
If it "destroyed him" so much why did he ruin it even further by acting like a complete ahole for the next week? Incredibly manipulative behavior - making his f-up your fault and punishing you for being hurt over it. NTA.
CliveBixby1974 said:
What a baby. He is really trying to turn it around to make this your fault. That’s disgusting. NTA at all. He is a grown ass man and should act like it. He has a woman who obviously puts her family first and even bought him his favorite candy after being completely disrespected and he thinks he is the victim. What a douche.
rasalscan said:
He forgets your birthday, and he gets to spend a week sulking? Yeah, right. NTA at all, but this guy is a real piece of work.
mimiuniverse said:
NTA. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this isn't the first time he's reacted like this? Maybe not about your birthday, but how does he generally handle you sharing your feelings or bringing up issues?
PDK112 said:
NTA. He forgets your birthday and he is the victim? He gave a half hearted apology and expects you to grovel and take the blame. If he really cared, he would have offered a sincere apology, bought you a gift, and planned for a nice dinner out on the weekend to make up for it. Instead he blames you for making him feel guilty. He cares more about his feelings and image that he cares about you.
Alarmed-Speaker-8330 said:
Yikes. He forgets your birthday and he’s the one with hurt feelings…He’s quite the evil genius, isn’t he?