'AITA for not telling my sister her wedding date was the same as mine?' 'I trapped her.'

"AITA for not telling my sister her wedding date was the same as mine?"

I (f33) got married back in 2013. My sister (27) was a bridesmaid and a big part of my special day. It was a perfect experience albeit, HOT. In fact it was the hottest day of the year. But, while our event was indoor/outdoor, our venue was air-conditioned and everyone stayed perfectly comfortable.

The next few years were absolute torture. We tragically lost one of our siblings and then a year later, our mother. That tore a lot of the family apart, except for us sisters. We bonded even more, me being the oldest, and only mother in the group. I became a large voice of reason for my sisters. They called me all the time looking to dish, sob, or ask advice, and I was always there for them.

The youngest of us was married last year. For a whole year before that, I was helping plan with her. She wanted her wedding to happen right after she got her MD and so that weekend would, surprisingly be exactly mine and my husband's wedding anniversary.

After going through so much crap with the family deaths and the following family chaos, I learned there were some things that just didn't matter. So when she told me the date, I supported it, and didn't mention that it was my anniversary date. Why should it be just my day? If she wanted it, she could have it. Especially if she was trying to do this in a specific time window.

So a whole year goes by, and we make the journey north to the venue. I met at an airbnb my step-dad was renting, where sister was staying, to drop off some table decorations.

Sister runs out, we hug, she grabs my shoulders and very seriously and almost sadly says "is this weekend your anniversary?"

I sheepishly said "yeah"

"Why didn't you tell me??"

"It's just a day. I've had it for 11 years, I don't mind sharing."

She made me swear a few more times that I didn't mind, and then together we left for the Bachelorette party.

The wedding was great. Except for the caterer dropping the ball (which was very quickly picked up by our coordinator because she's a total boss b), the day went off without a hitch.

As for me and my husband, after all the traditional wedding things had happened, we snuck outside to the bonfire, so not to steal the spotlight, and had a little toast just to ourselves.

It seems everything went great, so why, a year later do I suddenly feel guilty? I know this was a specific window she was trying to get for her magical day, and it just happened to be on my anniversary, but I also feel like I trapped her and her husband to always share their special day with us. That wasn't my intention at all. Am I being silly or am I an ahole?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

sparksgirl1223 said:

NTA. You don't have to share in the sense that you have to get together every year and do a group celebration. Send her a card and that's plenty. You are a good sister.

Clear-Concern2247 said:

My bestie got married on my second wedding anniversary. I was her officiant. We didn't realize until I was riding with her to drop off the venue contract and was reading through it and saw the date.

She offered to change the date after everything had basically been planned. I told her absolutely not. I love sharing the day with her. We live hours apart, so we rarely spend that day together as couples, but it's a nice layer to our friendship.

Lonely_Tonight_6596 said:

NTA however, get some counseling. You are not her mother; you are not responsible for making her life perfect. You're her sister and her friend. The day was perfect and your anniversary was perfect. Quit overthinking it and trying to make up for loses in your life.

Enjoy your shared anniversary together, or don't. It is what it is and she clearly took you at your word that all was well. Now, get some counseling to get over the grief and need to make everyone around you happy all the time.

Agreeable-Account480 said:

NTA. Sounds like you had a warm loving response and she believed you and went on to have a wonderful day! Do you think you still are on alert, looking out for your siblings? Maybe it will take practice to relax and shift from protector to peer now. There’s a lot of love in your post.

Fun-Yellow-6576 said:

NTA. You don’t have to share the date with them. It’s not as if you’ll be having joint celebrations, if anything this would should another thing to bond with each other and enjoy.

EnvironmentOk5610 said:

NTA, you're being silly! In my experience (1) no one, not even friends/family, really cares about other couples' anniversaries, (2) each couple celebrates their own anniversary on their own. So, I don't see why you and your sister would be expected to celebrate your anniversaries together---each couple doing its own thing would be expected/normal