"AITA for not wanting to finance a trip for my stepson?"
I (61f) have a 24yo stepson. He has a baby due Oct 24 and lives with his girlfriend. The SS lives in a midwestern state. His grandfather turns 80 on Nov 14. He has seen his grandfather once in the last 9 years. My husband and his sister want to have a birthday dinner for their father who lives on the east coast.
Their mother (divorced from their father for decades) passed away in 2024. They plan to scatter their mother’s ashes during that visit because she was born in the city and always wanted to be “home.”
Here is the issue. I firmly believe that my stepson’s place is at home with his girlfriend and their new baby. They live almost 2 hours from any other family who could help with the baby. They have no friends in the town where they live. The girlfriend doesn’t work and has even cried about not having any friends or a support network to me.
Stepson wants to go on the trip, not because he knows/knew his grandparents, but because he has never been to the city where the grandfather lives. He can’t afford to pay his own way, so we would have to pay his airfare, hotel, and all food for the four-day trip.
I’ve told my husband (57m) that I do not want to contribute to paying for my stepson to go because he belongs at home supporting his girlfriend and their new baby baby who will be less than a month old at the time of the trip. I also told my husband that if I was the new mother and my partner left me for a trip like this, he would find his things sitting on the porch and the locks changed when he got home.
My husband doesn’t see any issues with him going. My husband is retired. He does contribute to our joint finances and we each have personal accounts. So AITA for not wanting to help finance a trip for a soon-to-be father who wants to go on a trip to celebrate virtual strangers to him?
Note: stepson was raised by his mother. Husband was in the stepson’s life on weekends, summers, and big events. He was also the financial support because his ex-wife continued to be a SAHM even after the divorce.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
LaylaSlayx said:
NTA. Your husband can choose to fund it from his personal account if he wants, but you’re allowed to set a boundary on your money.
Dense-Passion-2729 said:
NTA but this tells me he’s grossly unprepared to be a father.
89Rae said:
NTA. Tell your husband that if he wants to finance the trip then he needs to pay for it out of his individual account, you think this is a terrible and selfish idea when your stepson will have a newborn at home and you want no part in supporting it.
Trick_Delivery4609 said:
Sounds like your like his girlfriend more then you like him. Take her with you instead or think of staying behind and help her instead? You can help her change the locks even! NTA for any choice you make with your money.
watermelon-jellomoon said:
NTA. Don’t spend your own money. But let him do what he wants, he’s an adult and will be a father, it’s time he learn to make smart choices. If he wants to be selfish, let the girl see his true colors.
Fun-Yellow-6576 said:
NTA. You could go stay with her and the baby if your husband decides to take his son regardless of your feelings.
Later, OP provided a mini update:
UPDATE: After talking to his dad and actually listening to him, SS has decided that his place is at home. Progress in learning how to be an adult is being made.