"AITA for not wanting to invite my family to Thanksgiving?"
I (25M) was invited to my girlfriend’s (24F) family Thanksgiving a few weeks back. Normally I spend Thanksgiving with my family, but because my sister is sensitive to being around alcohol, I didn’t immediately ask if they could/wanted to come. A few days later, my dad asked if he and my sister could come.
I told him I’d ask my gf but warned them there would be alcohol and it might not be the best environment for my sister. He said it shouldn’t be a problem, because they could drive separate and leave early if it was too much. My gf shared the same concerns, but she still checked with her relatives and got the okay after her and I talked about it.
I relayed everything to my dad, and he seemed excited. He even planned to bring desserts and appetizers for everyone. Later, my gf found out the gathering would be a lot smaller than last year and probably less hectic/less alcohol, so I relayed that to my family. My dad and sister said that made them more comfortable and were still excited to join.
Two days later (11/19), I came home from work and shared my excitement for the event. My dad proceeded to tell me he and my sister were going to a family friend’s Thanksgiving instead, saying he “forgot to tell me“ and smirked. I was speechless and crushed. I ended up going for a drive to cool off because I really didn’t know what to say to him.
I texted my sister how I felt about what our dad said. She replied that she didn’t feel comfortable around alcohol and that our dad made the decision two days earlier… the same day I told him it would be a small gathering. I didn’t talk to them for a couple days bc I was pissed.
I invited my gf to hangout (11/21) and we were talking downstairs about work, finances, plans to live on our own, and a little about Thanksgiving. Then out of nowhere, my dad stormed downstairs and started yelling that I was “talking crap” about him and my sister.
Our conversation had nothing to do with them. The yelling and accusations continued, and I asked to go outside because I didn’t appreciate all the yelling in front of my gf. For context, my dad is usually very calm and this was the angriest I’d ever seen him. When I asked what I supposedly said, he couldn’t name anything and eventually admitted I was right about what transpired.
We talked it through the next day, and I explained my issue wasn’t them choosing another Thanksgiving, but the lack of communication and agreeing to plans they didn’t intend to keep. I also told my dad that he owed my girlfriend an apology for yelling in front of her and for cancelling on us when her family was nice enough to include mine for Thanksgiving.
Now, today (11/25), my dad texted me asking if he’s “re-invited” to my gf’s family Thanksgiving. But my girlfriend and I already told her family they weren’t coming, and honestly, I feel weird about inviting them again after all this. AITA for not wanting to re-invite them?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Foreign_Plan_5256 said:
NTA They already jerked you around once. Please don't re invite them.
Tree_Chemistry_Plz said:
omg NTA. Your dad has some nerve asking to be re-invited after saying he had other plans. Tell you dad the host family have locked in the guest numbers and purchased food for the smaller amount of guests because numbers have been finalised and dad and sister are not in the final numbers.
Don't bother your gf or her family about this, just keep them at a distance and honestly? Be careful what you tell your dad and sister from now on, the seem unstable and not to be trusted, as if your dad is ready to sabotage your relationship.
Appa1904 said:
Nta. SORRY, but we already informed them you wouldn't be there. Enjoy your friends Thanksgiving though.
JeepersCreepers74 said:
NTA. First, your dad shouldn't have invited himself or your sister in the first place, it put you in an awkward situation and now, asking for a second invite is even more awkward and impolite. But your dad's not going to understand this, he doesn't seem to have a firm grip on social graces.
Fortunately, his little outburst provides you the perfect excuse. "Dad, I don't think this is the right week for you to spend more time with GF or her family, she's still a little rattled by your behavior the other night. It's going to take a little more time to mend that fence."
Distinct-Session-799 said:
No is not not re-invited. That shipped has sailed. NTA.
DescriptionFew6118 said:
Hold up. You’re 25 and had to ask if you could go outside? And I would never ask my child if I could go to their gf family with them. I may be wrong, but that’s just weird to me.
wesmorgan1 said:
"Sorry, dad, we told them you weren't coming when you changed your plans, and they've already bought their Thanksgiving stuff for a smaller group. I'm not asking them to change again." NTA.
LeenyMagic said:
NTA; they made their bed, time to lie in it.