"AITA for not wanting my MIL to watch my baby anymore?"
I (30F) and my husband (28M) just had a baby a couple months ago. I just went back to work full time. Baby goes to a babysitter 3 days a week and my MIL comes over once a week to watch her. My 1st week back at work I am already a wreck for leaving my 10w old, but to make it worse I find out my MIL took my baby out to breakfast to a busy restaurant without asking. (Where she shoves a phone in my infant's face).
She told my husband that it was a possibility, but no one asked if I was okay with it. 2nd week, baby had just gotten her shots and wasn’t feeling well, super fussy. I told my husband I didn’t feel comfortable w her going out again while her immune system is low so tell your mom. They don’t go out to breakfast this time, but she does take baby from home to my MIL’s house.
Again, no one told me. Needless to say, I get home to a very grumpy baby bc she didn’t sleep all day bc she wasn’t at home with all of her comfort items. 3rd week my husband has apparently talked to his mom this time about communicating going places in the group chat we have to make sure it is okay with both of us.
I don’t trust her so I hide the baby’s diaper bag so she would have to either ask where it is or go riffling through our house to try to find it. I was right, she was trying to take my baby without asking again because part way through the morning she asks where the diaper bag is because she wants to go to breakfast again.
She still isn’t asking if she can take my baby, but at least I am not finding out about it after the fact. The next week is Halloween. She takes my baby to a trunk or treat event at her work. I find out about it after the fact. My husband said he was on his way home w the baby after going to the event. I think he just got her from home where I assumed she was all day and took her to see his mom and her coworkers.
No, he was picking up my baby from the trunk or treat because his mom took her there bc she was working it. I don’t know how long she was outside in that weather. I don’t know who touched her, who held her. I know nothing. Now we jump to what she has been doing to my home.
She is being “helpful” in my husband's words but I think it’s weaponized incompetence. She washes the baby’s bottles. Why are they all still dirty after I get them out of the sterilizer? I stayed up so late having to clean every bottle bc all of them still had milk scum on them. Every. Single. One.
Not only that but she put multiple things in the sterilizer that did not belong in the sterilizer ruining them. Our old dog poops on the floor sometimes. We have a cleaning routine that we do when that happens with a nice wood floor cleaning solution.
Well, dog pooped while she was gone with baby (at least this time I knew they were going out.) so she cleaned it up before I got home. She used a solution with hydrogen peroxide as the main ingredient! Our oak wood floor is now trash. I come home from work those days with so much anxiety and anger. There’s more, but AITA for not wanting her to babysit?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ivylass said:
NTA. Where is your husband in all this? He needs to tell his mom either she follows the rules for babysitting or she doesn't babysit. You're barely post-partum, missing the baby, back at work, and stressing over what is happening to LO when you're not around. You're going to have to bump up the babysitter to four days a week and supervise MIL from now on. You got this, mama bear. You can do this.
i_am_art_65 said:
NTA. I have a granddaughter and no way in hell would I even consider taking her out at that age, much less without asking. Get rid of MIL, and your husband too if he doesn’t support you 100%.
SillyMoose25 said:
NTA - if this isn’t behavior you would accept from the babysitter, this isn’t behavior you should accept from your MIL. If she’s doing this for free that’s why they have the saying free help is never really free.
If paying the babysitter for another day is worth it for your mental health then you should do so. Biggest issue I see in this whole story is your husband though. You aren’t on the same page with what you except for your son's care.
Shadow4summer said:
NTA. You need to take away her babysitting privileges. She is going against the wishes of one of the parents, and this is not acceptable. I would find someone else to watch the baby.
And also tell your husband his mother is on a time out from the kid for a while. That is until she starts putting your wants ahead of her own. It’s flu season and that baby is going to end up sick being exposed to so many people.
wheelartist said:
NTA. Babies are delicate, an illness that might be a minor problem for an adult can quickly become life threatening for children who aren't vaccinated against it. MIL has repeatedly ignored your wishes. So ignore her wants.
ReadMeDrMemory said:
NTA. Expect to get plenty of grief from your mother-loving husband and his mom, who will happily explain how mean and unreasonable and just plain hurtful you are being.
aviar111 said:
NTA, it’s your baby and you’re allowed to have boundaries, if she repeatedly breaks them it’s okay for you to not want her to watch the baby anymore. I also don’t think it should be your responsibility to tell her this when the time comes, your husband should...
You’re post-partum and should be able to focus on yourself and the baby and not have to deal with all of this. He should really step up and set clear boundaries with his mom. You’re doing a great job, I hope everything goes well.
Own-Comparison-5856 said:
NTA. Honestly, I would only allow supervised visits for a bit and even that is a stretch. She blatantly disrespected your wishes and jeopardized your child’s health for her selfish desires…you are much nicer than me because I would have cut her off weeks ago.