'AITA for not wanting a second child when I told my husband I would?'
"AITA for not wanting a second child when I told my husband I would?"
I (33F) and my husband (36M) welcomed out first child earlier this year. We found out early on we were having a girl, and while excited to grow our family, my husband really wanted a boy. He has somewhat jokingly told me that we’ll keep trying until we have a boy. Originally we planned on having 2-3 children but my first pregnancy and postpartum were rough.
I was nauseous and vomiting daily my entire first trimester and lost 10 pounds in a month. Then I developed cholestasis and gallstones. Our baby girl was delivered at 38 weeks and was perfectly healthy. But at 2 months postpartum, PPD and PPA hit me hard, I had a kidney stone that needed surgically removed and had to have my gallbladder out.
All in all, I was in the hospital for over two weeks when our daughter was just 2 months old. Our daughter isn’t a difficult baby but I’ve found being a mom is extremely hard. My husband and I have also been fighting constantly, we’ve hit a rough patch and are struggling to get back to the happy marriage we had before.
It’s all taken a toll on my mental and physical health, and I’ve come to the decision that I do not want to have anymore children. I’ve tried to tell my husband that I don’t want to have anymore children and it feels like he doesn’t believe me or is hopeful I’ll change my mind.
Or he mentions that we previously agreed to having more than one. I’m not sure what to do at this point but I’m afraid I’ll lose him if he can’t accept that I do not want anymore children. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Jaded-Variation-9025 said:
NTA but I’d seriously consider if this is a dealbreaker. You know how hard newborns are and how much worse it would make an unstable marriage. When he carries a kid for nine months and pushes it out he can decide to get pregnant.
Jaded-Variation-9025 said:
NTA but I’d seriously consider if this is a dealbreaker. You know how hard newborns are and how much worse it would make an unstable marriage. When he carries a kid for nine months and pushes it out he can decide to get pregnant.
avocadoreader said:
NTA. Definitely do not have more children unless you both agree to it. You are allowed to change your mind from what you originally talked about. That being said, your husband is also allowed to decide this is a dealbreaker.
I find it gross that it seems to be about having a boy to him. I doubt he was actually totally joking when he said he wanted to keep trying until he gets a boy.
InvestigatorJaded261 said:
NTA, but even if you did want another child, it’s too soon for either of you to think about it. You have a baby! Live in the moment because you will never get this time back. Give yourself (and him) some space. Even if you do want another, you want at least 24 months between babies, unless you are a total masochist.
pixie-ann said:
NTA but why do you have to have this important discussion right now when you are all sleep deprived and tense? Leave it for a good six months or more. Have you got good birth control lined up?
Ok-Analyst-5801 said:
NTA. Sit down and write up a list of every health problem pregnancy created for you as well as any and all treatments you had to experience. Include the hospital.stay, PPD, night time feedings, sore and cracked nipples, the things you'll experience long term, everything.
Then tell him this is why you won't do it again. Keep the list and bring it out every single time he brings it up. Sometimes it's easy to write the bad off when you don't experience it