'AITA for not wanting my sister at my wedding after she kept hers a secret?'
"AITA for not wanting my sister at my wedding after she kept hers a secret?"
I (24f) have a younger sister (22f) and an older brother (26m). When me and my siblings were younger, our dad passed away from a sudden heart attack, it was very hard on us and our mom but we survived the years as best we could.
I got a job in high school and helped pay for things like dinner and bills while my brother was my sister and I's ride to and from places including school while mom who had been a stay at home mom also had to get a full time job as our dad was our bread winner.
After I graduated high-school my siblings and I started to become distant. I was constantly working as I had 3 jobs right out of high-school (one full time two part time) my sister was still in high-school and my brother left and got his own place. At this time, about 2020, is when my little sister, we'll call her M, met her now husband E in her Jr year of HS.
M and E got very close off the bat, but after a few months I started to notice some red flags between them both, things like E was emotionally abusive and M would cheat on him... but no matter how bad things got, they always were at each other's hips. Come to about 2021, M graduated and the day she turned 18, she left with E to live with him and to this day (2025) I still don't know where they live...
Over some time, M did some harsh things towards my brother, Mother, and I. Like I wouldn't see her or hear from her for months on end. Or she would randomly call me up because E was busy and she was board. Then came the holidays, she would spend 80% of the holidays with his side of the family, and then show up at 8pm or later for "dinner" with my siblings and our s/o's.
Little by little this was hurting a lot. However, the spring of 2025 was my final straw with her. After my dad passed, our extended family, (grandma's and paws) left us, I rarely spoke to them, they would say happy bday once a year then that was that type of thing. But one Saturday while I was working I got a call from my grandpa, because its rare I answered thinking something was wrong...no.
He called to ask if I was happy for my sister and her now "husband" as they just got married!? I asked him wtf he was talking about as I had no clue it had happened. My grandfather went on about how amazing it was and how he wished he could have been there, and what not.
Dumbfounded, I told him I was at work and had to hang up, but I turned around and called my brother and mother to ask them if they had heard, and no they had not. My mother and I were just lost for words, and my brother was fuming with rage. He ended up blowing up M's phone that night wanting answers, but I just figured it was a him and her decision on a whim and nothing more.
Until the next day, when E's mother posted photos of a full on wedding that had his entire family there. That did sting, but the hardest pill to swallow was the fact my dad's brother (our uncle) who tried to take my dad's 401k from my mom when my dad passed, knowing its all we had to live off of, gave M away. He was the only family member from our side at the wedding...
To add salt to the wound, my sister sent my mom and I "apologies" through text, but basically she said "I'm sorry you guys found out"...After all of this, my fiancé B and I are planning our wedding for 2027, and B does not want to invite her because of all of this that has gone down. I still love M, but I also don't know if I want her there, so AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
VoxFugit said:
NTA. Sounds like this is a person who has chosen to go no contact with you even if you still love her. You aren’t sure you want her there. Why invite anyone other than those you are certain of to be with you on that special day?
tangential_quip said:
I think you are wasting your time being concerned about this since, based on what you have written it seems unlikely she will care or attend if you do invite her.
LolaSupreme19 said:
By her own actions, your sister doesn’t value a relationship with her immediate family. She makes no effort to contact you. Why reciprocate? Don’t invite her. If you feel kind, take a few photos and send them to her. NTA.
donname10 said:
NTA. You don't need her and neither does she. Move on. Live a happy life cut off all the toxicity. You can invite whoever you want or not inviting whoever you want. Live the life you want not the life others want for you. Also, remember one thing, this is also your fiancee's wedding as much as it is yours, if he doesn't want her there don't invite her.
6poundpuppy said:
NTA, but I’m kinda shocked that you would even consider inviting someone who decided you were no longer family and not worth a second thought for years. You no longer exist in her world so stop thinking of her as anything beyond a sister you once had but lost to distance and reasons out of your control.
FordWarrier said:
Your sister apologized; not because you weren’t invited; she was sorry you found out. She’s shown you that she has a different family now that doesn’t include you. Honor her wishes. Celebrate your wedding with those that love and support you. It doesn’t sound like your sister is one of them. NTA.
Good_Ad6336 said:
NTA. Your wedding should be a day you surround yourself with loved ones that love you back. Plus, how sure are you that she would even come or even care?