"AITA for only giving my daughter half of her college fund?"
My daughter, 17, is looking into a moderately expensive college once she graduates. She already submitted her application and got accepted, but we told her she needed to complete her last year first. We are very proud of her for being accepted, and even gifted her some money to use on anything she wants.
However, I didn't realize how much it costs until today. Today, I asked her how she was going to pay for the college tuition, and she responded, "Through my college fund!" Here's the problem; while the college fund is (barely) enough to pay for four years of her college, it is also the fund for her brother, who is about a year younger than her.
This means it needs to be split between the two. When I explained this to my daughter, she huffed and said, "Well, dad said it's all for me!" I never heard him say this, otherwise I would've corrected him.
When I denied this, she started to throw a fit, yelling and screaming at me about how it wasn't fair I was taking away her money. She claimed she needed the money for her college and she couldn't pay for it otherwise.
Her father (my husband) isn't around for me to contact and ask him about this, since he is a pilot and currently on a trip. My only blessing is that her brother is at his part-time job right now, and won't get yelled at by her. I am writing this in my room as my daughter locked herself in her room, sobbing.
So, am I the ahole for only giving her half of the college fund? I can see her point, as she obviously applied to the college thinking she could afford it with our help, but I also don't want to leave my son stranded.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
LdiJ46 said:
Of course she doesn't get to have all of the money if there are two children and one college fund. She will have to take out student loans for part of it or maybe try for scholarships.
timehoodie6969 said:
YTA. Why do you keep calling it her fund when it's both their funds combined? Combining them was bound to cause this exact problem, but that damage is done already. Now, what you need to do, is look up all the scholarships and grants and govt money she can get. Start applying now. You and her father flubbed this so don't just ask how she's going to pay for it, help her figure it out.
NannerMinion said:
YTA. Not for splitting the fund if that was always the plan. But how can you not know how much college is going to cost before she applies? You never sat down and discussed finances or college choices or grants or anything? Absolutely WILD you would let her apply to college with zero conversation about finances and logistics.
Ok-Perspective-5109 said:
YTA for not discussing the fund and how much was available BEFORE she applied. You sound like a poor communicator and led her to believe it was her college fund.
PhDPlease13 said:
I’m going to go with a soft YTA - it sounds like you have a gross miscommunication here. If it’s your daughter’s fund, she should be able to use it as she intends. But if it was supposed to be split between her and her brother, it should be titled “not giving my daughter her brother’s half of the college fund."
That, and your daughter should have known this. If she told you her father said it was all for her, she has every right to be upset. I’d advise you to have a family meeting about this.
Odd_Paramedic2818 said:
YTA. Sounds like terrible parenting on your behalf. Lmao 18 years to start two college funds for the TWO kids you knew you had.Now you wanna act like she’s the bad guy because she expecting a college fund she was told was for her .