'AITA for refusing to demand that my family NOT buy my kids Christmas presents?'

"AITA for refusing to demand that my family NOT buy my kids Christmas presents?"

I need some help here because I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. As I think a lot of parents would agree, the amount of stuff that comes with kids is overwhelming. My husband and I have two kids under the age of 10 and with birthdays and Christmas and other events and holidays we’ve accumulated a lot of stuff.

I’ve done my best throughout the years to give things away, pack things away, or throw things out as the kids outgrow them. My husband grew up in a culture that didn’t celebrate Christmas and finds the amount of stuff the kids get to be too much. I do not disagree, both families love to spoil our kids.

Every year at Christmas and on birthdays I try to give our families ideas for experiences or things that they actually need. I am explicit every year that we find the amount of stuff overwhelming and what the kids could benefit from most is special time with them. I even put parameters like “please only one gift."

My family and my mom in particular LOVES Christmas, and their love language is definitely gift giving. Every year my husband and I get into a fight because I refuse to take the rules further. He wants me to put my foot down and demand that they follow our rules for gift giving.

He doesn’t think I’m being stern enough and even went so far as to say that he’s made his mom cry so she would understand. (She’s much worse than my family- gives them crap every time she sees them).

I refuse to go beyond what I’ve already done and also refuse to tell people how to spend their money, especially if it makes them happy and makes my kids happy. So am I the AH for refusing to demand that my family not buy my kids Christmas presents?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ok-Perspective-5109 said:

NTA. Just continue to weed out old toys. Childhood lasts for a few short years. Let them have all the fun! Let the grandparents spoil them.

LadyJusticeThe said:

NTA but your husband sure is. He wants to dictate how people show his kids love because it overwhelms him? That's an insanely AH move. I feel so bad for those kids and hope husband realizes the kids are not his property and are actually their own people forming their own relationships with their relatives.

Acceptable-Net-154 said:

NTA. Does your husband really want to alienate both sides of the family. He made his own mother cry. I'm easily over indulgent but I avoid items on my sister's no no list and tend to gift food items especially those she considers out of her usual budget but I can find at better prices.

My main gift to the kids this year is going to be an exotic fruit basket, for the oldest its going to be new crafts and refills of kits that has been particularly popular. I gift with the expectation of the gifts to be eventually passed on. The grandparents recently donated a collection of large fairly immaculate plushies they had gotten second hand for the kids.

They donated not to a charity shop but to an actual children's centre. I've given barely used toys to my local food bank after checking with them as kids birthdays are year round.

wonperson said:

NTA. Your can't change people, but you can change yourself i.e. expectations. Also, what if you told your Mom and them that you'll be donating some of the gifts? This may cause them not to be so excessive.

Jobotica said:

NTA, but did your husband seriously make his mom cry over this? This is written like your husband has a problem with it and is acting like a spoiled brat about it. I understand he didn’t celebrate growing up but he married into a culture that does. He needs to find a way to deal. This is a fairly common situation, honestly, and making his mom cry is way over the top.

While I totally understand too much stuff, this is something you and he need to deal with. You’ve tried to talk to your family but they’re not changing. As much as that sucks, continuing to push is going to make Christmas more stressful than it already is.

This doesn’t mean you should drop the issue forever, but drop it for now and see what you and your husband can do from your side to make it better. Take some of the advice in these comments and declutter. If you have space, store some things and if the kids don’t miss them after x time, get rid of them.

ConflictGullible392 said:

NTA. You can’t control what other people choose to do and you shouldn’t try.