"AITA for refusing to go to my BF's family Christmas?"
My BF (31M) and I (27F) have been together for about 4 years. Our friends often joke that we are completely mismatched as a couple. My BF does freelance writing and tutors while he's working toward his PhD. I am a cosmetologist who barely graduated high school.
We love each other and have talked about moving in together, getting engaged, etc. It's true we have a lot of differences but we accept who we are and are happy together. His family is having their Xmas gathering this coming weekend at his parent's house about 2 hours away from where we live.
The past couple years we've spent the weekend there with them. For the most part I like his family. They are very kind, generous, loving, etc. But they are all also very highly educated like my BF. Even his siblings and their spouses are all college graduates and mostly very successful.
Whenever his family gets together pretty much the only thing they do is drink and play games. Card games, board games, word games, anything. I didn't grow up playing games like that and to be honest, I'm not good at them. Especially the trivia and word ones, I suck and it's honestly embarrassing for me.
The first year I tried playing games with them because they were all so enthusiastic about it and wanted me to be involved. They were all very gracious with teaching me and giving me help and hints, but it wasn't exactly fun to be the worst person at literally everything we did.
Last year instead of playing games with my BF and his siblings, I pretty much sat in the living room with my BF's nieces and nephews and watched them play video games and movies. My BF would come and check on me every now and then but for the most part I was alone with the kids. It wasn't fun for me either.
After both years I told my BF how uncomfortable and embarrassed I was because his family being so smart makes me feel dumb. It's not like they are doing or saying anything to make me feel that way, it's just that it's obvious I am not on the same intellectual level they are.
My BF always reassures me that I'm not dumb and that his family loves me no matter what but that doesn't really help the way I feel. I told him a couple weeks ago that I didn't want to go to his family Xmas and feel excluded all weekend again. I told him the only way I would go is if we don't spend the entire weekend there so that I'm not stuck feeling stupid the entire time again.
He got upset and told me that this is the only time of year he sees all his siblings in the same place because they're all scattered across different states. He wants to spend the entire weekend there again.
I told him if he wants to spend the weekend with them I will just stay home. Driving separate isn't really an option because I am uncomfortable driving in the snow on highways by myself. My BF is very frustrated with me and tells me that I'm being rigid and stubborn because his family hasn't actually done anything wrong.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
MabsMessenger said:
YTA. You admit that your boyfriend and his family have been kind and welcoming to you. But instead of being a good sport, you choose to mope and withdraw. Your actions make you seem insecure and immature.
You two do sound mismatched, but it's not due to your different education levels. Either find a way to embrace your boyfriend's family, which clearly is important to him, or move on.
Horticulture_thumb34 said:
YTA. His family likes board games, not IQ tests. You’re opting out of Christmas over Uno.
Natural_Reindeer5531 said:
YTA - What you feel is about what you believe, not what’s true. Sounds mostly like you’re rejecting yourself because you’re scared they’d reject you for being “less educated." Punishing your partner for your beliefs imo definitely makes you the AH.
mulattocutie said:
YTA. Not sure how you expect to be in a long term relationship with him if you don’t want to spend extended time around his family who, according to you, has been nice and welcoming. You can go and hang out without playing the games. You can also go and try your best and not take it personally if you lose. Folks being smarter than you isn’t a great reason not to participate.
adventuresofViolet said:
YTA, girl, learn to love yourself more, you're insecurities currently are and will continue to breakdown your relationship. All these posts on these pages complain about awful in-laws excluding them, and you're here excluding yourself.
You're creating tensions when their doesn't need to be. He loves you, they're nice people, you're so lucky, stop letting your lack of confidence get the better off you. Your partner deserves better and so do you.
TigerGuitarist said:
YTA. And your problem is you, not these people.