"AITA for refusing to be tattooed by my SIL?"
Recently, I (22F) went to my girlfriend's (21F) family Christmas party. I've known the family for a while, and we've all gotten along pretty well, but normally we don't participate in Secret Santa. This year we decided we would. For brevity's sake, I'll be referring to my girlfriend's family as in-laws even though we aren't married.
My sister-in-law joined the family not too long ago after knowing my girlfriend's brother for a couple of months and marrying him. I don't know her very well, but overall we've gotten along when I've been around her. She happened to get me for Secret Santa, and my gift was a coupon of sorts for $100 off a tattoo by her.
My girlfriend and I are both pretty heavily tatted, but truthfully, I'm very picky about my tattoos. As an artist myself, I heavily value a tattoo artist who will hand create my concepts for me. I've been going to the same tattoo artist since I started getting tattoos, and I love her, her work, and being able to see her improvement on my skin. I have nearly two sleeves done by her.
On the surface, the gift was thoughtful. I thanked her for it, and the night went on without problem. When I got home I decided to scroll her tattoo Instagram. The simple truth is I'm not a fan of her work. Generally, her art is picked off of Pinterest and traced, something I intentionally avoid.
My girlfriend also looked through her art, but came to the same conclusion as me. Neither of us really wanted a tattoo done by her. I wasn't going to bring this up, but when having a lunch with the family a few days ago, she brought up when she could fit me into her schedule.
I'm terrible at breaking bad news to people. Generally, I'm a people-pleaser to a fault. I let her know that I wasn't sure if I'd be getting a tattoo done by her. I said that her work was good, it just wasn't my preference.
I thought that was that. She walked away from the conversation and I continued talking to my in-laws, but shortly after her husband came out absolutely fuming. He started calling me selfish, spoiled, and ungrateful for not accepting her gift in front of the family.
My girlfriend argued with him in my defense, even saying the gift was shitty and if she wanted to gift me a tattoo, she should've just given me the money and let me decide who I wanted to do it.
We ended up leaving briefly after, but this morning I got a text from my mother-in-law telling me we were un-invited to their New Year's party. I'm honestly still in shock about the whole situation.
I thought it wouldn't be a big deal, but my sister-in-law has made a point to block me on almost every social media. My girlfriend is angry on my behalf, but I can't help but feel guilty for not accepting the gift...even still, I don't want a tattoo by her. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
1RainbowUnicorn said:
NTA. First off, $100 off a tattoo is NOT a gift! It is a discount, ffs, that benefits sil. Second, it is pretty presumptuous to try and force her work on you. Do not feel guilty. Gf may want to get in therapy to handle the emotions and learn how to set boundaries with her AH family. Very insulting that her own mother took sil side.
Academic-Plantain209 said:
Maybe regift the coupon to MIL and she can get tattooed by her. It's a permanent design on your body, of course you have the right to be choosy. NTA.
majesticSkyZombie said:
NTA. Tattoos are permanant, not something to get just to please someone you know. You were kind in your rejection, too. She needs to respect your decision.
cowbxy said:
NTA. I'm super picky about my tattoos as well there is nothing wrong with saying something isn't your style. Kind of a bad gift as well not even a full free tattoo just a discount is hilarious. She set herself up for this her family is being really weird about it.
WomanInQuestion said:
NTA - she didn’t give you a gift, she gave you a coupon.
Adorable-Ad2296 said:
NTA. You have the right to decide who gets to permanently mark your body and who doesn’t. SIL is arrogant and tacky for gifting you a coupon for a tattoo from her.