"AITA for rehoming my mom's dog?"
My parents had a dog, Sparky. While Sparky is a very friendly and happy dog, he is poorly-trained. My parents were older when they adopted him 5 years ago as a puppy and they really let training fall by the wayside. They spoiled him, let him act however, and always called him “their baby."
I used to joke they were like new-age permissive parents with him. While Sparky has always been kind to my kids, he is very energetic and will knock them over when he’s excited. Unfortunately, my dad passed away a year ago and in the months since, it’s been obvious that my mom can no longer live alone.
She moved in with me for a little while but as my husband and I both work full time, we couldn’t be what she needs. Also as much as she loves my children, I know it is a lot for her to go from living with just my dad and their dog to a house with 3 young, loud children. My brother also works full-time and travels a ton for work.
My mom agreed to move into an assisted living facility and someone visits her every day (whether it’s us kids, her own brother, my kids, etc). The facility does not allow dogs, so my husband and I agreed to take on Sparky. We immediately tried getting him trained but he got kicked out of 2 obedience schools.
I’ll add, we both work full time, whereas my dad was retired and my mom worked from home, so Sparky was used to having someone always around, which is no longer the case. He is now very clingy, understandably, but my youngest has developed a fear of Sparky because of how “much” he can be. He was with us 4 months.
We had Sparky in a new obedience school that’s been working a little, but honestly, we’re so exhausted. My brother has a friend who lives on several acres and actually runs a dog-sitting business. She took care of Sparky for us when my dad’s medical issues started, and offered to adopt him when she heard our problem.
The dogs can run around in the yard, she takes them on hikes in the woods. It’s like a forest school for dogs. Sparky loves it there and thrives in the environment. She’s also taken care of dogs for years and believes she can properly train him. This friend is also willing to bring Sparky to visit my mom at the facility (dogs can visit outside, they just can’t live there) often.
We spoke with my mom and she got very emotional. She said Sparky has lost too much in his life and is now going to live with “a stranger." She then compared it to what if I died and the people we’ve left our kids to, just decided to re-home them. I said that wasn’t a fair comparison. I was hoping to get her blessing, but she refused. I told her this is what was happening.
Brother’s friend has had Sparky for a few weeks now and has brought Sparky to my mom weekly, which makes her happy, but she’s still mad at me for giving Sparky away. It’s definitely put a dent in our relationship and I’m left wondering, am I the ahole for giving the dog away?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CarelessZucchini8477 said:
No, NTA. You did what was best for your family and for Sparky. He’s thriving where he’s at and can still visit your mom. Your child isn’t living in fear of being overwhelmed with the dog and y'all have some peace. Does your mom know that your child was scared of Sparky? Maybe that will help her understand the decision.
Fun_Claim_2028 said:
NTA. Your mom is not thinking clearly here. Being on acreage, with a person who *wants* him, and with an environment that suits him, is FAR better for Sparky than being in a home that doesn't suit him and where he is unhappy. It is also true that--despite how much I love animals--they are NOT people.
It is absolutely NOT the same as "rehoming" children. Still, given that, there are times even children would do far better, be loved more, and be happier with someone else other than the person their parents designated as a guardian. It happens.
Crazyandiloveit said:
NTA. The dog is happy where he is (and it sounds a lot more suitable for him and he knew the environment and person) and your mum gets visits from him. You aren't exhausted and your kids aren't scared at home. Sounds like a win win to me.
And I was ready to say you're the AH half way through before I read it's a friend who visits your mum with the dog often. I just hope they can keep up the visits regularly, that would be my only worry.
Specialist-Owl2660 said:
NAH. You did what you needed to do but I'm not saying NTA because I'm not calling your mom a AH in regards to this either. Your aging mother who's life fell apart and her dog who she adored couldn't live with her.
She's feeling a lot right now. The dog is safe, she is safe be gentle with her during this time. Empathy will help you both get through this.
Remarkable-Chart-466 said:
NTA. You didn’t “give him away." You were very diligent and tried to train him and make it work. You made sure he went to a great place with someone you knew and can continue to communicate with. This is the best thing for Sparky and your mom even has the opportunity to keep seeing him! I can’t imagine a better scenario.
Usually things do not go so well with larger poorly trained dogs. They can sit at shelters a long time waiting to be adopted or worse. Your mom should be grateful to you and your brother for finding him such a great home.
Royal_Eye6517 said:
NTA. Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario, older people getting a dog but not training them and then, due to changed circumstances, having to rehome what is now a very challenging dog.
You've done what is reasonable. Your mother probably feels guilty for letting the dog down. There's no point you keeping Sparky and having everyone be unhappy and frustrated, including the dog, just to make your mother feel a bit better.
TheRoadkillRapunzel said:
NTA. You did what was in the dog’s best interests, not what made the people feel good.