"AITA for RSVPing 'no' to my brother’s wedding?"
I feel like I need outside perspective on this issue! My F (32) brother M (23) Rick proposed to his fiancé F (23) in April 2024. Ever since the wedding binder started (no joke) I’ve been included in the process of brainstorming for this dream wedding and am happy I’ve been a part of the speculation.
In Nov 2024 they put a deposit towards a beautiful venue around an hour from where we currently live for the future date of August 8th 2027. Later they made the decision to move the wedding to the same date but in our home town in the state of Texas since most of my SIL family is there.
Also because they want to move back and purchase a home there so they thought they could save some money by having a reception in their new house. We currently live in South Dakota so it became a destination wedding for me and my mom but it’s fine because we had tons of time to prepare. Now for the issue we have at hand…
We all received notice last week that they are changing their plans to a Vegas elopement in July of 2026, and here’s the problem I’m pregnant and due four months prior to their new wedding date. When they texted me the news all I said was “congratulations I hope you have a wonderful time and have the wedding you have always wanted” even though inside I was crushed.
You see me and my brother and mom are very close so not in a million years would I dreamed that I would miss my brother’s wedding. However they have put us in a really tight spot. I didn’t want to be a downer, but a couple days ago we (me and my brother) were talking about the wedding...
And I told him to change your mind to a destination elopement and only give people 7 months notice is not enough time for people to prepare, I explained that he needs to be ready for a lot of people to drop out. And that odds are, I won’t be able to go because I have a baby due just four months prior and we are not in the best financial situation let alone my mom whom is currently out of work.
Prior to this I was going to be heavily involved in the wedding festivities but now I basically won’t be able to participate in anything the wedding shower is in Texas and for basically everything I will be too pregnant or with a new born. So Am I being too uptight or is this a ridiculous ask on their part?
Mind you my SIL had the audacity to say my parents are in a poor financial situation from their own doings which is ironic considering this would be another poor financial decision and my brother honestly suggested I take a 25+ hour road trip with 2 under two.
Yet my mom is guilt tripping, stating that we can’t miss it no matter what. But honestly they are the ones that moved up the wedding knowing I would be freshly post-partum. So, am I required to go? I need help.
NOTE: I apologize if elopement is not the appropriate tittle for it. However they used that term because they will only be having a ceremony and afterwards going to dinner with the family (everyone covering their own plate) then afterwards partying in Vegas with whomever wants to join. So basically they want to make sure it is known a reception will not be a had.
Also, I wanted to make it clear that I don’t expect that their plans revolve around me, I will be happy if they are happy. But I came here because I was being made to feel like I was selfish or wrong for stating that I couldn’t make that work. I just need to know if they were delusional or if I’m crazy lol.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Glum-System-7422 said:
NAH this is plenty of time to make travel arrangements, but I would never bring a baby or child to Vegas due to all of the cigarette smoke. It makes me feel horrible every time I go, and I can't imagine how that would feel in tiny lungs and sinuses.
They have the right to have whatever they want, and you can feel bad that the new plan is much harder for you to attend. This isn't an elopement, it's a small, destination wedding.
ZealousidealSquash86 said:
NAH. I think it’s reasonable to not go and say you would love to be there to support them but it wouldn’t be financially feasible for you. But I also don’t think it’s an unreasonable ask since it’s 7 months out.
I have been invited to out of state weddings 6 months before if people have short engagements. Totally not cool though for your SIL to make a comment about your parents’ financial situation.
Maschamari said:
NAH. They’re allowed to do whatever they want for a wedding and you’re under no obligation to cater to their whims. This is a non issue. “I think it’s so great that you’re doing X. Unfortunately I won’t be able to attend.” It really is that simple. Don’t let anyone try to complicate it.
Magic_Fred said:
NAH. I do think you're being a bit dramatic, 4 months old is hardly a newborn. I would argue that it's probably the most convenient age to have a baby at a wedding. Still small enough to still sleep a lot, don't need much kit but old enough to be entertained a bit. If you breastfeed, it would be even easier. However, I'm not holding it against you on account of hormones.
I don't think your brother is an ahole for doing what he wants with his wedding. I mean this kindly - I know it feels like your pregnancy is the centre of the universe, but it's only the centre of your universe.
ConflictGullible392 said:
NAH. Actually no I don’t think it’s a ridiculous ask. Seven months is plenty of time to make plans. And if you wanted to go, I don’t see why you couldn’t go four months after having a baby either...
I understand not wanting to travel with a baby that young, but you could leave the baby with your partner and go yourself. But you don’t want to and that’s fine. It’s not mandatory.
friendlily said:
NTA. Your brother and SIL don't sound mature enough to get married. And letting your fiance talk crap about your parents is definitely a choice.
Jerseygirl2468 said:
NTA because you will have 2 kids under 2 including a newborn, no way you can pick up and go to Vegas. Also you are never "required" to go, it's an invitation. That said, I think 7 months is enough time for most people to make travel arrangements to Vegas, assuming they didn't already send invites for the other date/location.
And they aren't eloping, it sounds like it's just a small wedding, and they need to be understanding that because they've changed the location three times and the date twice, they may not have everyone they invite attending.