"AITA for ruining Thanksgiving?"
I (25F) took my bf (20M) with me to thanksgiving dinner last night and it went fine...well...It was normal at first anyways. I showed up, got ignored, talked over, snapped at, and looks of disdain from my Aunt, Sister and Grandmother.
Well I left to walk the dog with my grandpa and while I was gone, my aunt, let's call her Vicky, cornered my bf, Tyler, and started asking intrusive and inappropriate questions about my life, my choices and my body and making commentary about my late mother and how she ruined me from having a good relationship with the rest of the family.
When I returned to the room and sat down, she immediately began asking question after question about my workout habits. Am I doing my martial arts? Do I go to Planet Fitness. Oh no don't do hot yoga (I don't) because you can get heat stroke. I sat there and held my tongue through that. Then Vicky started commenting on my body saying she wants me to be more fit.
By then I'd had enough, after years of just sitting there and letting them verbally attack me for my decisions and choices and continuing to treat me (and tell Tyler that I am) nothing more than a broken child that needs fixing and medicating, I said "I appreciate your concern but I don't appreciate commentary on my body at this time" and the entire room dove into chaos.
My Aunt was visibly upset, my sister started yelling, taking her side of course, and Vicky started crying saying that she was just trying to be nice because she doesn't know anything about my life. I told her then she should ask me a question that didn't involve my body.
The rest of the night was awkward, with my grandpa having to calm down the three women who had gone into separate rooms in tears because I had the gal to talk back and set a boundary. Tyler and I ended up leaving early.
But here's the thing, my grandma is sick and dying and there's a chance she won't even make it to Christmas, and I feel bad that possibly her last major holiday was spent in argument and disaster. AITA for ruining thanksgiving dinner?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Tough_Eye_4815 said:
NTA, you can always spend next thanksgiving with other people (friend's families, boyfriend, etc.) You don't have to spend time with your family if you don't enjoy doing so. If you love your grandma, go spend time with her alone, don't mention it to your family.
lovewholly said:
NTA. If your grandmother has treated you poorly your entire life, why do you care? You reap what you sow.
Jillio_NH said:
The way you described it, you are NTA. I wonder what their description of the event would be.
pankoforever said:
NTA. You only ruined their opportunity to behave even more terribly and for you to have to weather it.
Pepsilover12 said:
NTA, you didn’t ruin Thanksgiving dinner your aunt did with her nasty questions and her commentary. You told her how you felt and she freaked out not because you were wrong to do that it was because you dared to challenge her opinion on how you should be living your life.
If this how she always treats you I would either see your grandparents before or after to celebrate holidays with them. Or start with asking them the same type of nasty questions they ask you.
Stunning_Patience_78 said:
...Ok I will bite. Don't worry about Grandma. She's the one who raised all these aholes and appears she is part of the problem. NTA and don't attend anymore, these people are certifiable.