'AITA for scolding my girlfriend about her rude laundry room habits?'
"AITA for scolding my girlfriend about her rude laundry room habits?"
Today my girlfriend did laundry in her building which has 6 washing machines and 6 dryers on her floor. She lives in a large dorm building that houses maybe 50ish people on her floor. My girlfriend likes to separate her clothes into whites, colors, delicate whites, and delicate colors.
This means when she does all her laundry at once it takes up 4 of the 6 washing machines. We were on the phone this morning and while we were talking, she said that she was separating her clothes like this and using 4 washers.
Now, I'm the kind of person that just puts all of he laundry together (this is all relevant I promise). I do this not necessarily to save washer space- If I have a ton of clothes I'll use multiple washers. I just think that having to separate lights and darks is an outdated practice from when detergents would cause bleeding/fading, which modern detergents don't in my experience.
She insisted that separating her clothes helps keep them looking new and that her clothes need more care than mine because they are different materials. Since her anecdotal experience conflicts with my anecdotal experience I just decided to move on, but the conversation did leave some lingering tension.
I don't remember how exactly I said it, but I expressed that she can do it her way, but using 4 washers is kinda a lot. I wasn't trying to guilt her into consolidating, I was just trying to get her to recognize that she is taking up a decent amount of space to do this which is inconvenient for others.
I would've moved on if she said something like "Yeah I know it's a lot of washers but I don't want to wait a long time doing multiple loads." To me, this seems like the most honest description of her motivations. But instead she insists that it's not inconveniencing anyone, and that she doesn't want to spend the entire day doing laundry.
She got very upset saying that I'm attacking her character by calling her "a selfish prick." I never called her that, and I explained that I don't think she's a terrible awful person for taking up 4/6 washers, I'm just bothered that she refuses to say it inconveniences others. I tried my best to understand her and explain myself respectfully.
Heres a text from me: "It just bothers me that you refuse to accept that the way you're doing laundry is inconvenient for others. You should just admit that you know it inconveniences others but you still do it anyway because it's convenient for you. Don't try to justify it any other way. You don't NEED any other justification.
To me, it sounds dishonest when you use other justifications." Her most compelling argument to me is that she was doing laundry at 11am on a Sunday which is a low traffic time, even in a high density dorm building. Washer cycles take 30 minutes and dryer takes 28 minutes.
Since she didn't see anyone waiting for her she took it as confirmation that she wasn't inconveniencing anyone. Others on her floor seem to agree with her. I let my gf read this before posting btw. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
joidea said:
If there are 6 machines and 4 are free for her to use then it’s clearly not a high demand time for laundry. So YTA. You seem like annoyed she separates colors when you don’t and so you’re trying to make it an issue when there’s no evidence it’s causing anyone a problem at all.
ReadySettyGoey said:
YTA. It’s totally fine for her to do her laundry that way as long as she’s promptly moving it after the cycle ends. It seems like you’re trying to prove you’re somehow more logical than she is but it doesn’t sound like she asked for your advice.
OkSecretary1231 said:
YTA. There wasn't even anyone else there trying to do laundry. She's not obligated to leave machines open for nonexistent people. Imo you're just trying to win the argument about separating colors, and the inconvenience is a red herring.
Turbulent_Yoghurt725 said:
There is functionally no difference between using 1 machine for 4 consecutive loads and 4 machines for 1 concurrent load. I think you are overreaching in trying to change her behavior.
IcePrincess_Not_Sk8r said:
YTA - Sure, using 4 washers is a bit much but she lives there, you don't. As someone who has had my light colored clothing ruined by someone washing it with dark stuff (especially jeans) let your GF do her laundry in the way she wants to do it. It's not hurting you, it's none of your business, and you're coming across as insufferable and controlling.
Also, if someone sent a text like that to me, I'd never speak to them again. It's gross, controlling, and reeks of, "I know better than you, and I need you to acknowledge that I'm right, you're wrong, and you MUST say it in exactly the way I'm telling you to say it."
PowderCuffs said:
YTA. You had a conversation about this, then just had to text her to remind her that she's a selfish ahole? What is wrong with you?
CaliLemonEater said:
If she has four loads of laundry to do, she's taking up four loads of laundry's time, whether she does it in four loads at the same time or in four consecutive loads. YTA. Let your girlfriend manage her own laundry and her own relationships with the other people who use the laundry room. Also, your text is manipulative. Stop trying to guilt trip her for doing things differently from you.
Slachack1 said:
YTA, it's perfectly reasonable and none of your business. Your text makes you sound like a jerk.
antizana said:
YTA. But not just for the reasons everyone else has mentioned (yes, separating means she does more loads than other people but all at once or sequentially doesn’t make a difference as she’s checking no one is waiting).
It’s because you’ve decided you are the arbiter of how to do laundry and have decided that your interpretation is the only correct interpretation. And the thing is, it’s all about a situation that has nothing to do with you - and you’ve decided on an interpretation that judges her as a person over something that doesn’t even have anything to do with you to start with