'AITA for sending my in-laws a generic gift basket for Christmas?'
"AITA for sending my in-laws a generic gift basket for Christmas?"
I (32/f), have decided this year that I will be sending my husband's (30/m) parents (56/f and 58/m) a "generic" gift basket this year. Before it feels like I'm putting down anyone else who buys these as gifts I don't mean to and they are totally nice baskets. However, in the past 5 years my husband and I have been married I've constructed beautiful care packages that take me months to plan out.
They are huge boxes full of homemade baked goods, gifts that they have wanted but never would buy for themselves, each year a Christmas ornament that represents something significant that happened for them that year. They are very expensive to ship but I loved the thought of them receiving it and imagine how happy it would make them.
My husband although he contributes to their gifts financially is in no way involved in this process and before I came into the picture bought his family absolutely nothing for the holidays or birthdays. A few months ago his parents came for a visit.
At dinner they made a reference to how since they were in town they wanted to stop at a specialty store they loved to spend a gift card I had bought them this past Christmas. I missed what FIL said and asked him to repeat himself, he said "We're going to spend the gift card that (husband's name) got us for Christmas.
That stung a little bit because as I mentioned I put together every piece of their gift boxes. I love my husband but he's definitely not the type to curate these packages or bake 3 types of cookies and 2 types of candy so I feel like they know he's not been the one behind these boxes for the past 5 years.
I know it's not the spirit of Christmas or why you should do things for others but I've never received a thank you or even a gift in return from them. So after that I don't feel like trying anymore. In the past I would have started planning their gifts weeks ago, setting each piece back.
As the weeks went by I thought I'd eventually feel like starting but I don't. It takes a lot of time and energy to make all the homemade baked goods and candy that I send them each year. Weeks of searching and waiting for each item to arrive because I want everything to be in one box when they receive it.
I don't really feel like giving that energy away this year when my efforts feel unappreciated. So this year I'm thinking a very non personalized Amazon gift basket. AITA? How would you feel in my shoes and what would you do?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
KateJones1617 said:
NTA - Can we all just get over this suffocating burden of creating the perfect xmas gifts for everyone in our lives?! The world feels a mess and no one can afford anything and yet we're all supposed to shell out money that we don't have or else we suck. I swear the older I get the more I'm getting into the old lady idea of hats and mittens for all.
Christmas is supposed to be spending time together and perhaps a trinket that says "hey, I thought of you'" A "generic" gift basket does this. ANYONE who judges that a gift isn't good enough can move alone and go buy themselves a gift basket.
lewisae0 said:
NTA don’t send anything, let their son send it.
oldermom66 said:
NTA after many years of busting my butt for my in-laws I said enough! They get the same resturant gift card every year. One year I realized I had no expectation my husband would figure out a gift for my parents, so why was I driving myself crazy for his? Besides the fact that nothing is ever to his mother’s liking anyway.
Jazzlike-Bird-3192 said:
NTA. I wouldn’t send anything. Let your husband figure it out. They are his parents. Tell him he needs to get them a gift because you don’t have the energy this year to make one. See what happens.
Competitive_Sleep_21 said:
You did too much. Ask yourself if it was about them or you. Your gift boxes sound amazing. I would find a family struggling financially in your community and put that time and effort into something nice for them.
ChaoticCrashy said:
NTA. In your shoes, I wouldn’t send them a gift. After all, your husband didn’t send gifts before you were married.
Icy-Doctor23 said:
NTA tell hubby he should take over gifts for his family as you are out