So I (32F) am getting married in a few months, and what should be a happy time has just turned into one big stress fest mostly bc of my mom (58F). She’s always had a strong personality, but ever since I got engaged, it’s like she thinks this wedding is hers to plan, not mine.
At first, it was little things. She kept “suggesting” venues, colors, and vendors. I humored her, thinking she was just excited, but then it turned into her trying to control everything.
She hates the dress I picked (“it’s too plain”), thinks my fiancé’s family should be contributing more money (they’re already helping a lot), and the latest? She threw a fit when I told her we weren’t doing a traditional sit-down dinner. She said it would make her look bad, like I was throwing some low-budget event.
I finally snapped and told her straight up that this isn’t her wedding, it’s mine and my fiancé’s, and if she can’t respect that, she doesn’t have to be involved. She immediately started crying and telling me I was being ungrateful after "everything she's done for me."
Now she’s playing the victim and getting my aunt and a few cousins involved, saying I was way out of line. I get that weddings can be emotional, but I feel like I had no choice but to stand up for myself. Now part of me wonders if I overreacted. AITA?
Vibrant_Melodies said:
NTA. Weddings bring out the control freak in some parents, but at the end of the day, this is your day, not hers. You tried to be patient, but she kept pushing, and setting boundaries doesn’t make you ungrateful—it makes you an adult planning your own wedding.
Candid_Process1831 said:
NTA! Your wedding your choices! Set clear rules and boundaries!
AcuteDeath2023 said:
NTA! It's great that you stood up for yourself. So many people seem to let this sort of behavior go, to "keep the peace," but all they do is feed the beast (so to speak).
Inevitable_Pie9541 said:
NTA. The thing with a personality like your mother's: you can't win. As in, even if you kowtowed to every little thing she wants, gave her her way across the board, she would still complain.
Controlling personalities are never, ever content. Give up on making her happy: you won't! Let her boohoo, it won't kill her. Take over all the plans, password-protect ALL your vendors, tune her OUT. This is your time, your wedding, you deserve to enjoy the experience. Much luck to you!
Reasonable_racoon said:
If she's struggling emotionally with you getting married then she should be seeing a therapist to help her deal with it. It's not her wedding, and they are not her choices to make. She should not be criticising your choices.
Go low-contact and make it clear resuming contact is dependent on her seeing a therapist to sort out her emotions and improved behaviour before the wedding. Do not involve her any more wedding stuff and do not share information about the wedding with her. Low-contact, low-information. NTA.
Amazing-Wave4704 said:
NTA. Please make clear to all that the subject is not up for discussion and anyone who brings it up again will be uninvited. Hire security.