"AITA for suggesting my BF take Vitamin D?"
I can’t believe I’m sitting here writing this, but I’m mad and feeling kind of petty. I (30f) am dating and living with a guy (30m). He started feeling sick the day before Christmas Eve. He spent Christmas really sick. I felt really bad. He doesn’t get sick often.
What’s been super weird to me is that I haven’t gotten sick at all. I have the worst immune system in the world. I am ALWAYS getting sick. I’ve tried like everything. I was a teacher for four years and eventually I had to quit and look for something in a new field...
...because it was miserable being sick for months on end and it was hurting me financially to be blowing through my PTO and having to take soooo much unpaid time off.
Well, I’ve been taking Vitamin D for something completely unrelated. My doctors ran a bunch of tests and it turned out I was Vitamin D deficient. So I’ve been taking them for a few months now.
We also live in the North and it’s been snowing a lot. For anyone who doesn’t know, it’s extremely common for people in areas like this to be Vitamin D deficient because we usually get it from being in the sun.
So today my BF is telling me how frustrated and annoyed he is at still being sick. He’s had to take time off work. He’s worried about money. I get it. I say almost verbatim “well I almost always get sick and I haven’t yet, so maybe the vitamin d is helping. Maybe you could try taking it and see if it helps."
And then he tells me that now he’s annoyed with me for “criticizing” his immune system and he starts telling me that his immune system is fine and he probably would have been a lot more sick if his immune system wasn’t working so well….
And I just said well I’m sorry you’re sick. I’ll leave you be. And I walked away. Now I’m sitting here wondering why I keep ending up around people who seem insistent on misunderstanding me and making small innocent comments into some kind of attack to start fights with me over. So AITA for offering my sick BF my vitamin D to possibly help with his cold?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Catching-Up-Today said:
NTA. There are other things eating up your boyfriend inside, he was already in a bad mood. Your suggestion got him to the level of being grouchy. You could have said anything other than Vitamin D and he would have responded the same way.
Distinct_Sir_4473 said:
You mention that you “keep ending up around people insistent on misunderstanding you." Is there a chance you are communicating poorly? Your tone or body language or even timing could be coming off condescending when your words are innocent? We communicate in a lot of ways outside words, and as social animals, many people are extremely sensitive to all of them.
john_carlton2 said:
NTA. Your suggestion of vitamin D is appropriate. As we age, our ability to cull vitamin D from sunlight exposure goes down. Then couple that with living in the north during the winter and not seeing the sun until March, its almost a necessity to take supplements.
kiwimuz said:
NTA. The vitamin D was a very good suggestion. I would read his reaction as a big red flag. If he is this reactive to a simple logical suggestion then how much more badly is he going to react to other things.
DeadbeatGremlin said:
NTA. However, don't take vitamin D unless you're confirmed to have a deficiency as it can be bad for your body to have in excess. Kidney stones amongst other stuff.
Freestila said:
NTA, but you should only take vitamin D or something like that if you really have a vitamin deficiency, tested. Especially since many supplements have a high dose of vitamin D and stuff, and some vitamins are not healthy in larger doses.
rtb227 said:
NTA, especially if this was the first time you suggested it. He can take or leave the suggestion, but his defensiveness there is a little weird. You were trying to help, but it sounds like he was in a space where he wanted comfort, not advice. That can happen with anyone.