"AITA for taking my 4-year-old daughter to a café?"
Where I live there are an abundance of nice cafes and coffee houses. Some accommodate laptop workers, with WiFi and hireable rooms, some have signs that explicitly state "laptop-free table" etc.
I have a four year old daughter and a six month old son. As a treat, I took my daughter to one of my favorite cafes. It’s large and spacious, with different rooms. It doesn’t have any specific working space or signage for or against laptop working. It does have signs with its WiFi password. It’s not "kid-friendly" in that it doesn’t offer any play areas or toys. It does have high chairs. The vibe is relaxed.
My daughter is pretty good in a cafe/restaurant setting. On this day she chooses a pastry and we sit at a table in one of the rooms. She recognizes that some of the other people there are working, like I do, on their laptops, so she does what she does at home - she is quiet, occasionally speaking to me across the table in a small voice or whisper.
I chat quietly to her - I tell her she is being thoughtful, but that the cafe is for everyone and she doesn’t have to whisper, but she continues to do so. She stays at the table, is happy and eager. My son is asleep in his carrier.
As far as I’m concerned we aren’t being at all disruptive, but I’m conscious parents can be oblivious to their own children’s shortcomings. A young woman sat nearby started to get clearly agitated by our presence.
She was on her laptop and started sighing and tutting. It got to the point where my daughter noticed and looked worriedly at me. I told her that she was doing well and sitting nicely, and to enjoy her treat, and said we’d go to the park in a bit.
A colleague or friend arrived and joined the woman, who at this point seemed very annoyed - she told him "I just need quiet!" in a pretty irritated way. I feel like I should emphasize that we really were not making noise - less noise than other workers who were chatting nearby, and the space isn’t designated for workers, so I felt her anger wasn’t justified.
She picked up her laptop and left to try another room, but came back as it must have been busy or full. She sat back down, stressed out about needing a quiet place for an upcoming meeting and casting looks at us. I hurried my daughter along and we left because she seemed so hostile it made me think we must have been in the wrong.
But the more I reflect on it, I feel like she was behaving pretty entitled when she could have gone somewhere like the library or to a designated working space elsewhere in town if she needed silence?
Don’t get me wrong, I know my four-year-old can be wild and not every setting is for her. But on this day, she was actually exceptionally good? I’ve made us all leave promptly if I feel her behavior doesn’t match the setting.
Should I not be taking her at all? Is there an unwritten rule about this? Hence why this seemingly mild encounter felt like a confrontation! Thanks for the judgement in advance.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Similar_Pineapple418 said:
NTA. Assuming the kids were speaking at normal conversation volumes and not getting up from the table a lot. Cafes and restaurants aren’t designated quiet work areas, if she needed quiet then she should have gone elsewhere.
WillaLane said:
NTA if she needs quiet, a cafe isn’t the place for it. She was having a bad day and took it out on you.
New-Atmosphere74 said:
NTA. A cafe is a public space and you are a paying customer. The laptop worker should find a space that is more suitable for conducting a meeting and a cafe isn't it. I'm so glad you had some mommy and kids time out. Sorry that this lady ruined part of it for you.
squiffyflounder said:
NTA. You expect quiet at a library. You are at a cafe noise is expected.
fIumpf said:
NTA. That lady was though. If she wanted silence she should have stayed home or gone to a library not a public space. A cafe is a fine place for you to take your very well behaved children. One was sleeping, the other was being actively mindful about whispering and sitting nicely.
She wasn’t screaming and running riot. Your daughter sounds like she was being great! I wouldn’t have let her (the other woman) affect my day and please don’t let her spoil future plans to take your kids to a cafe.
jonzluv2013 said:
NTA. It makes me nuts when people think they can go to Cafe and expect people to stay quiet! Stay in your home if you need quiet!