↵
"AITA for telling my mom to stop cooking for me?"
Hi so this is my first time posting on this forum, not sure how it’ll go I’m sure ppl will think I am the ahole but I just want to know if I’m crazy for being upset. So I (22F) recently started weight loss meds, and with it comes changing my eating habits, and while I’m not sure if my ADHD has a part in all this...
I have very specific preferences when I eat. I’m usually fairly good when it comes to eating new things, but usually when I have a preference, I stick by it and will not eat it any other way...but since I started this medication my mom has been trying to help me with eating better.
I love my mother very much and appreciate the effort she puts into trying to help me and do what’s best, but sometimes it only causes more problems, such as now. For some extra information, I am not saying I was completely right for how I acted, I was just off a 22 hour shift, starving and woken up very rudely prior to eating, nonetheless I could have gone about it better but it was just not my day today.
Anyways, I came out into the kitchen and my mom made my favorite childhood food which is her spaghetti with sour cream. However this time it was clearly different and I knew then and there I was gonna have an issue…to further prove my point, the second I ate it, the taste and texture was completely different but not horrible I wouldn’t eat it.
I was disappointed, but I continued eating because she made it for me. The moment I got upset was because my brother came down and his plate was way different from mine, it was the usual way she made it and the way I loved. Turns out she switched the tomato sauce for the pasta sauce, changed the noodles to whole wheat and left out the sour cream to make it healthier for me.
I was more upset because she didn’t tell me she was going to make an entire other pot for me and with things I have previously said I didn’t like. But this isn’t the only time she’s done it and the only time I’ve told her to ask me next time, so I snapped and told her just don’t cook for me anymore if she wasn’t going to listen to my preferences...
...and be surprised when I say I don’t like the food and then begin “woe is me” and guilt tripping me by saying I’m never satisfied with her, when she has in fact made many foods that I love, but it’s trying to find alternatives that I have issues with, because she experiments with my food without asking me.
I will admit I could have gone about it much better, and believe me being sleep deprived and hungry made me more irritated. I love my mom but it gets so tiring repeating myself and then being made to feel like crap when she doesn’t try to ask me before making it for me. So am I the ahole?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
flinsbird said:
NTA. People "helping“ by doing what you explicitly asked them not to do is not helping. Your mom might have had good intentions to begin with, but it stopped being that when she ignored your wishes and carried on with what she deems helpful.
Successful_Ad1331 said:
NTA. You’ve told her not to mess with the food multiple times, she’s messed with the food multiple times. After 20+ hours of no sleep and consistent boundary pushing, I’d be pissed too.
M312345 said:
NTA, it sounds like you have a mom problem; specifically, she refuses to take your preferences into consideration despite repeated input from you. She clearly doesn't take you seriously and is a tad on the narcissistic side when she cries you don't appreciate her and guilt trips you.
If it were me, I would just not eat what she makes AT ALL and just either make my own or order out, just to piss her off, but I'm petty that way.
Loud_et_Proud said:
NTA. You've had the conversation before and she still meddles with your food. You never asked her to do this and have explicitly told her not to many times. She made the food objectively worse than gave it to just you. I'm assuming she didn't eat her gross pasta.
Sure you shouldn't have snipped but you know that and this isn't a one off. You apologized but it also sounds like your mom is a bit of a narcissist so you know it's never good enough. I think you are right, don't have her cook for you and if she does and you don't like it just don't eat or and cook for yourself anyway.
blossominghost said:
NTA - It's clear you didn't mean to snap at your mom the way you did. We're all guilty of snapping without meaning to and your reasons for doing so are completely valid. You've acknowledged you regret the way you handled things, but I think the message you conveyed was important even if it was executed not in the way you wished.
Repeatedly ignoring your polite requests to not alter your food is disrespectful, even if she isn't meaning to be. Maybe sit down and have a proper talk with her about how it makes you feel?
cydril said:
ESH. Cook your own food from now on.
idiot_in_real said:
YTA. Given the circumstances I think having been upset makes sense but yelling at your mother is a bit much. Being upset never makes you an asshole but how you deal with it can. She went out of her way and (in her mind) put extra care into cooking two meals because she knows you have this thing going on in your life.
Some people don't have anybody to cook for them and still have to work just as hard as you do. One day she might not be there to cook for you anymore and you will think back on this moment and cringe.
I think the fact you are posting reflects a bit of guilt so I think you should say sorry. There are very few situations where it makes sense to be yelling at someone taking care of you. Swap yourself in this story out for a husband yelling at his wife and see if you think she should get yelled at then. I get you've explained it to her before but you aren't entitled to anybody cooking for you for free at your big age.