"AITA for testing how prepared my husband is for our baby?"
I am pregnant with my first child and I tend to go overboard with hypotheticals. I’ve been trying to curb that behavior as we are stressed enough without adding my irrational “what ifs” to the mix.
One worry that I have is leaving our baby in the back seat of the car, I may be a more anxious about it due to my co worker’s daughter nearly dying from being left in the car in the summer heat a few years ago. One of the first things I asked my husband was to check the back seat every time he gets out of the car just so we can make a habit of it. He understood why I was asking and agreed immediately.
A month ago we were looking for a mobile we brought home from my mom's house. We tore the house apart for days looking it and figured we left it behind on accident. While using my husband’s car I found the mobile, not hidden or obscured but right where we left it on the center seat.
I brought it up to my husband who didn’t seem alarmed, he laughed it off as my pregnancy brain. I told him it’s been in the backseat this whole time and he didn’t notice. He said it was just decor and he didn’t register it as important even though we were looking for it for days.
I reminded him how important it was that he checked the backseat every time he got out of the car, but the gnawing feeling that he’s been neglecting looking in the back sat with me for another week before I decided to test it. I took a bright pink post it and wrote a note asking him to text me when he sees it and stuck it on the back seat right in his line of sight.
After another week of zero texts or acknowledgement I asked him if he was really checking the back every day. He promised that he was, so I asked him why he never responded to my note? His reply: “What note?” I freaked out.
I yelled about how important it was we check the back every time we are in the car, especially since we both have ADHD and when it's out of sight, it's out of mind for us. He said that I was being crazy and irrational and I was setting up tests for him to fail.
This spiraled into a fight, he admitted that he hasn’t been checking the back seat every day like I asked and the idea of forgetting a baby in the car is ridiculous and could never happen to us. I brought up every summer there are news reports of babies dying because their parents left them in a hot car.
He called those parents irresponsible said it could never be us. I asked him if he thought my coworker was one of those irresponsible parents, he had no response and asked to table the discussion until we had time to cool off. I agreed but we have yet to return to it.
Since then anytime we talk about the baby he’ll ask if I think this is another way he’ll accidentally kill the baby. My husband is not a passive aggressive person and I'm realizing how hurt he is by all of this. I want to try explain in a calm way how I feel and how important I find this but with his behavior lately I’m starting to wonder if he’s right and am I the ahole?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TriWord22 said:
YTA, I suggest looking into a therapist before baby comes. It seems like you are having high anxiety, which could develop into a more severe issue postpartum. It is important to remember your baby in the back seat...
If you think he or yourself would have that problem place your shoes next to the car seat before going somewhere. You won’t forget if you step out of your car with no shoes on. You will remember very quickly.
holdon_painends said:
YTA because you are already pregnant with this man's baby. If you are so legitimately concerned that he cannot be trusted not to kill your child, you should not have gotten pregnant to begin with. The ONLY recourse is therapy at this point.
lovewholly said:
YTA. You are being irrational and crazy. YES, your coworker IS irresponsible for forgetting her baby, and every time you ask your husband to check the backseat for an imaginary baby, you’re implying that he is also irresponsible.
Orion-Key3996 said:
Soft YTA- your anxiety is extreme and deserves professional help. Also, car cameras for the back seat are a great way to see the backseat.
Lunar-Eclipse0204 said:
YTA - sorry but you are going way overboard right now! You are the one causing the issues here. There is no reason right now to check your back seat... You are acting like only your feelings are valid with a baby on the way.
Also I am ADHD, guess both my kids have never been left in the car, because even when they were babies, I would interact with them while I was driving, just talking to them.
cinnamon_is_life said:
YTA - your level of anxiety is not normal, and what you are feeling will be passed to your baby. I was so stressed and anxious during my pregnancy that it caused complications. Your current focus needs to be keeping you and the baby healthy.
Also, you didn’t notice the mobile either. Y’all need to work as a team. Also, most parents who leave their kids in the cars are irresponsible. If that’s you or your spouse, you’re not going to fix that with some weird test…which is what this is.