'AITA for turning down gifts from my MIL because of favoritism?'

"AITA for turning down gifts from my MIL because of favoritism?"

I 33f and my husband 32m have three children together. Our oldest 7f is the only granddaughter but my boys are also the only grandsons. I point this out because over the years I have noticed obvious favoritism towards my daughter.

She is the only one my MIL calls to talk to (both boys speak just fine at 5&3), my daughter is the only one that gets posts made about her for up to a month before her birthday, her birthday gifts are things like big doll houses or something extremely personal to her interests, my daughter is the only child they've ever taken for even an afternoon out.

My MIL recently made a post about "missing her baby girl, oh and her brothers" which to me makes it seem like the boys aren't even her grandchildren or idk I just disliked the way they were just thrown in at the end of her post. Last night I received a text from MIL, she was showing me gifts she had made for the three kids. I immediately took issue with them.

Don't get me wrong, they're extremely well made adorable crocheted characters. However my daughter's is of course customized with one of her favorite characters and the boys are just generic gingerbread men. I don't know if I am just projecting my own childhood issues or if it is favoritism.

I'm sure if it is its simply the "oldest grandchild" that someone else suggested, but unfortunately to me thats still just unfair. If you're not going to put the extra effort in for my son's then do the same for my daughter. It is not fair for my boys to see their sister getting "special" gifts while they get matching generic gifts.

Just do them all generic at that point. Idk. My husband agreed with how it looks and always has but also I don't have an involved family so he isn't keen on ruffling feathers with his "barely present but better than nothing family dynamic." So AITA for saying thanks but no thanks to the gifts?

MIL makes these and more for her vendor shows and I would more than willingly accept even just a little girl gingerbread over the character based one for my daughter.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

TheDrunkScientist said:

Why would you choose the nuclear route when you can just have a conversation with your MIL? You even said you know she's not doing it intentionally. Good grief. YWBTA to refuse gifts without even talking to your MIL first.

Classic-Delivery3875 said:

ESH. You need to have an honest calm discussion with your MIL. I was the favoritism child and I also hated it. I always felt so bad for my brother. I was the only girl on both sides. If she doesn’t course correct immediately then you ask her to linger purchase gifts for your children and only contribute to savings or nothing at all.

steina009 said:

NTA this can also cause resentment between siblings so you should nip this in the bud right away. Fancy gifts for granddaughter then there has to be equally fancy gift for grandsons.

mother_puppy said:

NTA. My mom only has two grandsons and will only ever have two grandsons (my brother died) and she goes out of her way to treat them equitably. If one gets a personalized gift (she crochets as well), they both do. If one gets a day at her house, the other gets personal time w her that works for him.

My older son is obvi her oldest grandchild and, yes, his birth was very special for her (and she was present for it). But you couldn’t tell in the way the she acts towards them. I didn’t have to tell her to do that bc it’s obvious that she should treat her grandchildren equitably. If you choose to decline, do tell her why. Maybe she’ll want to course correct and make some personalized gifts for your boys.

Ok_Ant_9815 said:

I think YWBTA because the boys are still very young that they haven't voiced themselves feeling left out and the gifts are handmade which is still time and effort on MIL's part.

But I think you're right to be cautious about the favoritism. I'm not sure what the solution is tbh. However, I will say my grandma favored all my male cousins and brothers over me and my sister, and I started to take offense to it around the age of 11, and then got over it by the time I was 16/17. So it could be a while before your kids notice any difference in treatment.

ProfessorDistinct835 said:

ESH. How about you talk to her about it like an adult?