"AITA for wanting to end my marriage over this?"
I’m wondering if I overreacted. During my marriage, my spouse regularly communicated (calls and texts) with a man she previously had a romantic relationship with. When I noticed and asked about it, she said nothing inappropriate was happening and denied cheating. Her explanations stayed broad, and she didn’t think details were necessary.
Over time, more things came to light: 1) She continued private communication with this man while emotionally distancing herself from our marriage. 2) At one point during the marriage, she spent the night sharing accommodations with another man she had dated, which I only learned about later.
At the same time, she continued normal family behaviors (holidays, gifts, routines) while also saying she wanted space and had emotionally moved on. Over time, I became aware of information that hadn’t been fully disclosed to me, which made me question how transparent the situation ever was.
When I raised concerns again, she still denied cheating but said boundaries may not have been as clear as they should have been, without explaining further. There wasn’t one explosive incident — it was the ongoing secrecy, mixed signals, and shifting explanations that broke my trust.
I ultimately decided that I wanted to end the marriage, but I keep questioning whether that reaction was reasonable. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Minute-Winner7939 said:
Seems to me (from a decidedly one sided explanation) that she has little to no respect for you or your marriage. You are Not overreacting.
International_Echo66 said:
What relationship? It sounds like you have both been living separate lives this whole time. You deserve to be happy, move on and do so.
2cents0fks said:
NTA. Simply put, a healthy marriage needs trust to survive, and the one thing she has proven over and over is that she is untrustworthy.
SillyRabbit1010 said:
NTA but it sounds like your marriage is already over. She is checked out.
1RainbowUnicorn said:
NTA. Do not put up with this. You are not overreacting. She may not be having a physical affair, but she is definitely having an emotional affair! It is a dealbreaker to be talking to previous romantic partners at all in a relationship.
If someone from my past contacted me, first thing I would do is tell my partner... hey, just so you know so and so messaged me, why, and what I would be responding if anything. It is all about transparency. You deserve better.
JGalKnit said:
NTA. Sounds like she already wanted one.
Odd-Business-9426 said:
She wanted space??? OMG it’s been over for a while. She has been seeing them for a while. Run don’t walk.