"AITA for threatening my sister?"
I (34f) and my sister, Carol (38f). We are not close just to make clear, I’m okay with our relationship being dead. We don’t call each other to vent, we don’t hang out. I’m not close with her but I know a lot about what she has going on. also her marriage, she has a big mouth so she tells everyone.
I’ve been married to my husband (36m) for 13 years. He’s Samoan so very family oriented, and very present in our children lives. This will be important, he knows our children’s pedestrian, their allergies, teachers, and all their schedules. Yes I still do for my kids but when I’m busy, he handles it.
After I got married, my sister attitude towards me got worse. She thought I was in competition with her all the time, mind you we never talked so I wasn’t worried about her. She definitely had hate for my husband’s because she would project what her husband does on my husband, she would say things like he will cheat on me now or later. My sister husband is different…
Her husband (41m) and I never had a relationship. At birthday parties he would be on his phone while Carol would run around with the kids. There was a time he asked her in front of everyone, which kid takes the medication. She had to correct him when he forgot the kids' doctor name.
See I don’t discuss her marriage with anyone, I just hear and see things. She’s quick to make predictions on my marriage, talk shit about my husband but when I defend myself. Well I’m the bad guy lol.
Some things she said:
“You know them, traditional men are controlling “
“Give it time, he’ll mess with a younger women soon”
But oh it’s always framed as a joke. She loves making this cheater joke. That’s because her husband has cheated on her many times, one of his infidelity lead to an outside baby. Last weekend my mom had a family dinner. She didn’t want to invite carol because I was coming but my dad wanted to see his two daughters. I was made aware so I planned on staying out her way.
I let the kids run around, my uncles and husband had the baby. I was chatting with some of my cousins, I could feel eyes on me. Of course it was carol. She had her son in her hand, but her face was mad. That wasn’t my problem so I ignored it.
I went to the kitchen to stuff my face, I cut some cake for my husband. Carol came into the kitchen, acted like she was a ghost. She spoke up. “ why do you look so tired? Is he not giving you rest?” She giggled so I knew her game started. Mind you I just gave birth to a baby not too long ago so postpartum is still there.
I said nothing to her, I was getting ready to leave the kitchen when she said: “I give it two more years before you come crying. You know men like that won’t change. It’s in his blood." That was it. I told her” don’t speak about my husband again. I’m not the one because I will end up hurting your feelings about that husband of yours.”
I didn’t realize I said it loud enough for people to hear because some came into the kitchen. Oh and my sister manipulated the situation, she started crying. Her husband came in and she told him that I threatened him.
He looked at her weird and told her to stop acting like this, and just left her like that. Now she’s saying I embarrassed her and mad her husband mad at her. Now everything is my fault.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Irritable_Curmudgeon said:
NTA. She's making accusations about what she thinks your husband will do because she has a terrible husband. She embarrassed herself by what she said. She should think before opening her mouth to gossip about other people's spouses, and be ready when they push back. It sounds like her husband knows she does this sort of thing based on his (lack of) response.
FeralBorg said:
I bet everyone at the party knows that your sister sucks, so they won't blame you for your comments.
Apprehensive-East847 said:
You have the husband she wishes hers was. She makes comments on yours to remove the attention from her husband’s rubbish behavior. I’d have said far worse than you did. But that wouldn’t make it right. If there’s ever a next time thank her for the advice and that you’ll know exactly where to go to since she has experience in this area.
DucPhuoc said:
Poor parenting lead to letting one sister do this to another. It’s sad, your parents should have nipped this long ago like when you guys were kids.
yobaby123 said:
NTA. She needs to either stop or face the consequences of making unfair accusations.
stanbangpinktwice said:
NTA. She just can’t handle what she dishes out.
petalstillness said:
NTA, she’s been projecting her messy marriage onto yours for years and you finally snapped, that’s not you “warning” her that’s you setting a boundary with teeth. Also her own husband basically peaced out when she tried the tears act so yeah, she embarrassed herself.