'AITA for yelling at my friend about her B.O. after literally throwing up?'
"AITA for yelling at my friend about her B.O. after literally throwing up?"
For context, I’ve been in college classes with this girl for the last year. We’re in the same degree program and have become friendly. I don’t hate her at all; I’ve just reached my limit and might’ve gone too far. This semester we have the exact same schedule, so we ended up sitting next to each other in every class.
At first I chalked a smell coming from her up to stress and assumed it was a temporary slip in hygiene. It happens. But it has been every. Single. Day. The best way I can describe the smell is like strong barn-type body odor, as if she worked outside on a hot humid summer day and didn’t shower. She has long, pretty hair but it’s visibly oily from roots to ends.
By our third class of the day I’m nauseous and trying not to gag. After a month of this not getting better, another friend in our program admitted they sit on the opposite side of the room because of how distracting the smell is. It kinda broke my heart to hear, and I’d hope someone would tell me if I was in her position.
One day after school, I spent HOURS carefully crafting a text to tell her she has some body odor and that I was only bringing it up because I care, didn’t want her to be embarrassed. Not a fan of confrontation and thought a private message was kinder. She read it, gave just a thumbs up, and never talked about it again.
The next day I finally wasn’t trying to hold my breath… and the smell was back by the end of our second class. That was 2 months ago. Now we’re in crunch time for finals. We stayed after classes until around midnight working on a project with several other students. I finally couldn’t take it anymore after she scooted inches away from my face to help me on my computer.
Within seconds of her getting that close, I ran to the nearest trashcan to throw up. She asked if I was okay, but I was so sleep-deprived and stressed that I couldn’t hold back. I told her that she smells so bad that just being near her has been making me nauseous all year.
Still clutching the trashcan, trying not to throw up again, I blurted out, “How do you not smell yourself? How can you not notice how bad this is?” She said she’s just forgetful, mentioned that her mom or fiancé don’t remind her, a woman in her early 20’s. She doesn’t work so she can focus on school, so from my perspective it seems like she could make time to shower.
Before I stormed out, I raised my voice and pleaded for her to just take a damn shower. I feel bad for yelling and I know I sounded harsher than I meant to. I was exhausted and at my limit, but I still have to sit next to her for another 3 weeks before the semester ends.
I feel guilty for snapping in front of other students, but I also feel like I had no other options left after months of this and the fact that texting her didn’t seem to help. AITA for finally snapping and yelling at my friend about her B.O. after literally throwing up even though I had already tried to bring it up gently before?
More context:
1) With how often I’ve been around her, she’s told me a lot of unprompted personal info so I know more than I probably should.
2) Some comments claimed mental or physical health, she claims she has ADHD, but complained that 2 doctors have told her she doesn’t really show any signs and refused to diagnose or offer medication.
3) It purely seems that she just doesn’t shower unless she’s told to by her parents or fiancé.
4) some mentioned clothing, which was something I didn’t mention. She’s wearing dirty pajamas almost everyday which probably contributes.
5) Again trying not to give out too much personal information, but she will act like it’s a quirky personality trait that she’s just forgetful with hygiene. She’s told me private conversations she’d had with her doctors about this that I shouldn’t really get into here.
6) I sent her one text about the body odor, and from what it seemed like the next day, it was probably just a quick- “let the water just hit me for a few minutes” kind of shower since her hair was still just as oily. Whenever she would give me whole “tee hee I just forget."
I’d tried to be a little firmer and say you gotta take better care of yourself hygiene wise and leave it at that. With how bad it is I definitely should’ve pressed her more about it and I’d hope it wouldn’t get so bad that I physically vomit.
But at the same time we are in our 20’s, she’s got a fiancé, she lives at home not a dorm. I shouldn’t have to be her parent and tell her to take care of herself especially since I know it’s going to be a daily problem.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
yourdadsucksroni said:
NTA because clearly she made a tokenistic “effort” to do enough to cover it up for an hour, but didn’t care enough about the people around her to do more. It is really selfish and rude to go out and be that stinky around people when you have the power to do something about it. Someone who doesn’t care if you become physically unwell as a result of their choices is not someone who is worth being friends with.
LaurenNotABot said:
If she smelled fine the next day after you messaged her but then the smell came back a couple of hours later, then surely it’s a medical issue? You didn’t have to yell at her, she may have mental health issues as well as something medical. YTA and I don’t think I’d want you as a “friend."
Warm-Net-6238 said:
NTA. I used to play for a team in my local snooker club, and one of my teammates always smelled somewhat "ripe."I tended to keep away from him and not breathe too much when he was nearby. Until, a few people from other teams started to comment about the smell.
I took the guy to one side and said that people were commenting about the smell, and could he have a shower before he came out. I thought it would be a really awkward conversation, however he surprised me by telling me he appreciated that I had the balls to let him know. Problem solved - never had an issue again.
Linachen said:
NTA simply because of the "She mentioned that her mom or fiance don't remind her" line. Like wtf.
Prestigious_String20 said:
You're not TA for telling her she stinks, but sure as heck, YTA, for publicly humiliating her over it.
Purplefloofie said:
NTA imagine how bad it has to be to literally throw up because of it. You tried the nice way