"AITA for yelling at my mother-in-law at Thanksgiving?"
This event happened last year. Forgot to mention it in my original submission. This happened last year when I was 26, 4 months pregnant with my first kid, and I’m still fuming about what went down at Thanksgiving. My MIL (60) has always been pushy, always gotta be the center of attention, but this time she crossed a line that’s got me shaking with rage. I need to know if I was the ahole for how I handled it.
Me and my husband (28 back then) decided to keep my pregnancy quiet until I was further along, ya know? I had a miscarriage last year, so we’re super cautious. Only my parents and his parents knew, and we told them to keep it hush-hush. I’m showing a bit, but I’ve been wearing baggy sweaters to hide it.
So, Thanksgiving rolls around at MIL’s house big family deal, 30 people crammed around tables, turkey, the works. I’m already stressed cuz I’m nauseous and trying to act normal while dodging wine questions.
Right in the middle of dessert, MIL stands up, clinks her glass, and says, “I have a special announcement! My son and his wife are expecting a baby!” The room explodes cheers, clapping, my cousins-in-law rushing to hug me.
I’m frozen, heart pounding, feeling totally betrayed. We hadn’t told anyone else, and she KNEW we wanted it private! I’m so pissed and humiliated, like my personal moment got stolen. My husband’s face goes white, he’s whispering, “Mom, what the hell?” but she’s just beaming like she did us a favor.
I couldn’t hold it in. I stood up, hands shaking, and yelled, “Why would you do that? We told you it was private! You had no right!” The room goes dead silent, like pin-drop awkward. MIL’s smile drops, and she starts stammering, “I just thought everyone would be happy! You’re being so dramatic!”
My FIL chimes in, saying I’m “ruining the holiday” and should be grateful for family excitement. I’m fighting tears, feeling ganged up on, and snap back, “This isn’t your moment to steal!” I stormed to the kitchen to cool off, but half the family’s now whispering I’m ungrateful and made it “all about me.”
Later, my husband backed me up, but said I shouldn’t have yelled in front of everyone, could’ve waited till after dinner. Now MIL’s texting me, saying I embarrassed her in her own house and owe her an apology. Some aunts are on her side, saying I overreacted and “it’s a joyful thing, lighten up.”
But I’m still so mad, she took something sacred from me! AITA for blowing up like that? I feel like she disrespected me, but maybe I went too far? To this day i don't speak with my MIL and don't know what i should do.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Rocketeer57 said:
NTA. Your outburst was perfectly justified, and maybe it was enough to get MIL to mend her ways; probably unlikely, but we can always hope. I sure as heck wouldn't apologize to her, and I'd put her on a strict information diet from now on.
A cruel thought occurs to me: You should have burst into tears and announced to everyone that you'd had a miscarriage the day before. I imagine that might have slowed her down a bit. NOTE: Don't do this.
Ok-Aspect-8582 said:
NTA-it would have been funny if after you MIL shouted if you blankly responded with “I have no idea what you are talking about. Sounds like your MIL is gonna be a permanent resident of those in your family that are on an “information diet."
MsBaseball34 said:
NTA and I hope you don't allow her to see your child. At least not until she makes a sincere apology.
Mindless_Giraffe4559 said:
NTA. You told them you didn't want anyone to know...full Stop. She was out of line and now she should suffer the consequences. Don't let her get away with it or she will always be pushing the envelope.
sc0tth said:
ESH. Your MIL for obvious reasons, but you for giving your MIL the response she wanted. She played you because you can't control your emotions. Graciously accepting the congratulations while calmly telling everyone that you had only told the parents...
...because you wanted to make the announcement to family and friends later while reminding people if they want to keep secrets don't tell MIL. All said with a smile of course.
Njbelle-1029 said:
NTA. It absolutely was about you. You are/were the only person pregnant in the situation. You owe her nothing but your continued silence and that can extend to anyone else who thinks their two cents is worth anything. And hubs needs to stand all the damn way up on this one.