'AITA for forcefully moving into my boyfriend's gaming room during work hours?' UPDATED
"AITA for forcefully moving into my boyfriend's gaming room?"
My boyfriend and I moved in together at the beginning of 2020, i.e. right before the pandemic started. We both have desk jobs, so we've both been working from home for over a year now.
Initially, both of our desks were set up in the living room and we had to deal with each other's work calls all the time. It was a nightmare. I asked him if he could move his desk into the spare room, which is where his gaming setup is. But he said that he didn't want to work in the same place he goes to relax, so I moved my desk into our bedroom instead.
Ever since I moved into the bedroom, my boyfriend has become very particular about me being in the living room during work hours. He acts like it's his office. I ate my lunch in there a few times but our lunchtimes are different and he said that I was distracting him from work, so I started eating lunch in the bedroom instead. I've been doing this for about 10 months now.
Last week, I tried to sit down and speak to him about how awful it is to spend 18 hours of my day in one room. He was sympathetic but also told me that he couldn't do anything about it. I asked him again to move into the spare room or at least let me eat lunch in the living room, and he refused to do either.
So I asked him if we could maybe swap desks, seeing as I wouldn't have an issue with him eating lunch in the living room while I was working. He literally started laughing at me and told me that I was crazy if I thought that I was "guilting" him into swapping desks. The next morning, I brought my work laptop into his gaming room and unplugged his entire setup.
Tower, monitors, speakers, keyboard - everything. I started working from there instead. He was oblivious until his first bathroom break of the morning when he spotted what I had done and started freaking out. He threatened me with legal action if anything was broken and told me that I was an immature, passive-aggressive asshole. I said that I would be working from there from now on.
At the moment, he's not speaking to me. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe it was an immature way to handle the situation. But I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I can't keep spending all day in the same room.
AITA?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
james_or_nothing wrote:
Info: why unplug everything?
OP responded:
The room is tiny and the only thing in it is the desk with his gaming setup on it. In order to use the desk without damaging anything, I had to remove pretty much everything from it. Also nothing was damaged, everything was perfectly fine when he checked it later.
dbohat wrote:
"He literally started laughing at me and told me that I was crazy if I thought that I was "guilting" him into swapping desks."
"He threatened me with legal action if anything was broken and told me that I was an immature, passive-aggressive AH."
🚩🚩🚩🚩.
This isn't how normal adults act. This is not a healthy way to treat one's partner.
NTA, obviously.
OP responded:
Thank you for responding. I'm seeing a lot of comments saying the same thing about his behaviour.
FlatwormDangerous wrote:
Seriously, are you happy with this guy? He doesn't seem to care much for your feelings or comfort, putting himself first everytime. Is this how you want to live your life? NTA.
OP responded:
Honestly, the responses to this post have given me a lot to think about. Lockdown is ending pretty soon in our country - maybe it's time to think about moving out.
Not long after posting, OP shared two edits.
EDIT 1: Sorry, just to clarify - when I asked my boyfriend to move his desk into his gaming room, I meant his work setup, not his physical desk. The spare room would be too small for his physical desk.
EDIT 2: Hi, everyone. I'm just about to go to bed for the night, so I wanted to give this post a quick update. I'm overwhelmed by all of the messages of support, thank you so much to everyone who commented. A few people have expressed concern over my safety - I promise I'm okay.
I actually left the apartment tonight to give my boyfriend some space and I'm staying at my brother's place. I'll probably go back tomorrow evening but I am considering ending the relationship. My brother thinks that I should and he said that I can stay with him if I want to move out. Thank you all again for your feedback and your support!
Two days later, OP shared an update.
One last update for the road. Again, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this post. And also for all of the awards, it's very kind of you. I just wanted to say that my boyfriend and I have amicably agreed to split up and move on.
Not just over this situation, though it definitely shed some light on other issues in our relationship. I'm moving in with my brother temporarily, until I can find a new place of my own. Things feel a bit crap right now, but I know they'll get better with time. Thanks again for all the love. x
The comments kept coming in.
[deleted] wrote:
I wish you nothing but great things in life!
agentsquins wrote:
I'm glad you left! Onward to better things!