"AITA for 'forcing' my boyfriend to go to a wedding with me?"
So I (24f) was invited to go to a wedding next week. It’s for a friend (23m) who I’ve known since high school, and J haven’t seen him in a while (he lives in North Carolina, I live in Missouri where we grew up) I’ve been planning and saving for two months to go this wedding, and I’m so excited to go.
The problem is my boyfriend (25m) doesn’t want to go. He says he feels like we’ve been moving around too much (he helps his family a lot and has been having to get some things done on his truck, regular maintenance plus getting a new instrument panel when the old one went out after a bad storm)...
He doesn’t want to drive 14 hours just for the weekend, there’s someone we don’t get along with going and he doesn’t want to see him, and he’s worried about a day off I’d need for a job I’m starting at (I’m calling them in the morning to see if anything can be done) and I’m sure other things I’m either forgetting/he hasn’t told me.
I told him if he’s worried about his truck, we’ll take my car. I’m worried about my car mostly because it needs maintenance and I need to update my plates and it’s short notice to change transportation plans, but I’m willing to make it happen.
Taking a train or a plane would cost us $800 and I don’t feel like that’s worth it at all for just a weekend. I’m already paying $300 for the hotel stay. He doesn’t trust my car either though.
I also told him if he doesn’t want to go, he doesn’t have to and I’ll go alone. He doesn’t want me to go alone, he’s worried something will happen. He brought up the fact my car died on the side of the road a few days ago. (It needs and is getting a new battery this week, the battery’s old). So if he goes, he’s going to be cranky and uncomfortable the whole time, but he’ll be that way if I go alone anyways.
I don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve been looking forward to going to this wedding for two months and all of this is just coming up now. The hotel’s already booked and I told my friend I’m coming, but I don’t want my boyfriend to be unhappy. AITA if I go/“make” him go with me to this wedding?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Kaxa-Katajina said:
It doesn’t sound like your in the financial position to make the trip and he is making excuses instead of saying the truth…the truth is that neither of you are in a position to go.
rutfilthygers said:
YTA. You have literally not given any thought to how impractical this trip is. Driving 28 hours in a weekend to save the cost of a plane ticket is an incredibly poor use of resources, Do you have any idea how much the gas is going to cost you? How about the wear and tear on your already faulty car?
Your boyfriend doesn't want to put that many miles on either of your faulty cars and doesn't think you should piss off your new job by taking time off so soon after starting. Your only real retort to all of this is "but I wanna."
kaisong said:
YTA on taking a trip you've not planned properly for. No idea how it costs you 800 dollars for plane tickets round trip domestically, even for 2 people, unless you're trying to buy a ticket the day of the flight.
Are you trying to get a day off on a new job that you havent yet started? If its not PTO. then why are you replacing it with essentially a full day of driving unless youre literally not being paid enough to equal the amount saved for that leg of the trip.
If you must actually go to this trip. I really do not see how driving in any way for that far is going to save you money when you're giving up work hours for it, and if you were planning it for months it shouldn't be a thing you just tell your new job about because it usually falls under the "when are you able to start" question.
Addendum: OP needs to actually learn how to do cost benefit analysis. I’m actually stunned at the lack of any amount of planning or shopping around. After reading the responses she gives its very clear there has never been any actual accounting for costs or time on any of it.
Secret_penguin- said:
NAH. He has the autonomy and the choice to not go to the wedding. You have the autonomy and the choice to go to the wedding alone.
Traditional-Sky-2547 said:
NTA. But don’t “make” him go. That’s a recipe for resentment. Leave him at home and rent a reliable car. He has absolutely no say in whether or not you go and he can’t complain that your car will stall out by the side of the road. If anything happens with a rental, the rental car company will rescue you.
mikefried1 said:
YTA. You aren't acting like an adult. Based on every point you made in this post, you can't afford to go. Sometimes you can't afford to do things and it sucks. But putting yourself at financial risk to drive 28 hours in a weekend sounds insane to me.
Putting 1500 mi on an unreliable car, with gas/tolls and an extra night in a hotel does, while asking for a day off from your new job shows a real sense of misplaced priorities. I'm not even factoring your boyfriend's feelings.
Distinct-Session-799 said:
YTA sit down, your car is now working right. Yeah getting a new battery but still other issues for a 12 hour drive. Just sit down and send a gift. You will have other weddings.