'AITA for forcing my father's partner to take back a lie she told my children?'
"AITA for forcing my father's partner to take back a lie she told my children?"
I’ll preface this by saying I don’t have the best relationship with my father, and his partner “Blair” is a big part of the reason why. While I don’t hate her, she is extremely obnoxious and childish.
She’s also horrible with boundaries. It feels like any time someone tells her “no,” she hears “maybe.” She’s been like this for as long as I’ve known her, but it’s become harder to deal with since I had children, so I try to keep some distance.
Anyway, Blair and my father are planning on going to Orlando in July. About a month ago, she asked whether me, my husband and our kids (7M and 3F) wanted to join them.
I thanked her for inviting us, but said no, because we’re planning on going next January and there’s a pretty big chance I’ll have to work in July. Also (and I didn’t say this to her), we’ve been to Orlando with her before and my husband has stated he'd rather eat glass than do it again.
A week later, Blair told me they were getting their tickets and asked me whether I was sure we wouldn’t join them. I said I was. Days after that, my sister called me - Blair had told her I was “thinking about going” while inviting her and her boyfriend. I, once again, told Blair we wouldn’t go.
Finally, Blair asked me if I’d be okay with her and my father taking my kids to Orlando. I said no, because we’re not even in the same hemisphere as the U.S. and I wouldn’t let my young children travel to a different country without me or my husband.
Last week, my sister babysat my kids while my husband and I went out. While we were gone, Blair visited to drop off a gift she and my father had bought for my husband. She also took the opportunity to tell my children we were all going to Orlando in July.
My daughter didn’t care about it much at first (I think she didn’t really register it), but my son got very excited right away. He kept talking about how much he wanted to go to Disney and asking about the trip. And after watching her big brother like that, my daughter jumped on the bandwagon with him. It was both heartbreaking and infuriating to watch them like that.
I called Blair and said she had two options: either she told my kids she’d lied and they weren’t going to Orlando or I did. I added that if she told them, she’d have the opportunity to apologize and explain herself, but if I did, I would not do that for her.
Blair chose to call my children herself. I kept the phone on speaker to make sure she was apologizing, explaining everything, and making it clear we wouldn't go to Orlando in July. Both my children (especially my son) were upset, but by husband and I had a talk with them and managed to cheer them up.
My father texted me yesterday. He said that he didn't appreciate the way I dealt with this. Blair is still upset and thinks my kids are mad at her now. He wants me to apologize or at least try to get my kids to forgive her, but I don't see why I should.
She was the one who lied to my children, and I'm not responsible for Blair's feelings. We're still on this back-and-forth, and I can tell neither of us is particularly proud about this. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - well she did lie to your kids after repeatedly being told you were not going to.
I would seriously consider a NC period until Blair learns that lying has consequences.
NoOrlando_25 (OP)
I've considered going LC with Blair for a while. Not due to lies (this was the first time she lied to my kids), but because dealing with her genuinely feels like dealing with a child.
NTA!! blair crossed a VERY CLEAR boundary. you have no reason to apologise at all. i wouldnt have even given her the opportunity to explain herself. so low of ur father to think either of them have the right to ask for an apology after that!!
NTA. Blair tried the whole force the children to badger their parents to go to Orlando trick and it blew up in her face. She knew what she was doing, she did it on purpose to put you in a bind thinking that you wouldn't want to disappoint your children and she would get what she wanted.
Good for you for seeing through that whole charade, and standing your ground. She will think twice about using that ploy in the future. As far as your dad, you can let him know that lying to your children will be a time out in the future.
Dad - I am the way I am because you raised me to know that lying is wrong. I want my kids to learn the same lesson. You also taught me to take responsibility when I screw up. I passed that lesson along to Blair. You’re a good Dad and a good Grandfather. I’m relying on you to help teach my kids the same lessons that I learned from you. The same lessons I’m passing on.
NTA - She is upset she got caught trying to force your hand when you had clearly already said no. Now she is gonna play the victim for an issue she caused. Don't give her the attention she so clearly wants.
NTA. Of course Blair thinks your kids are mad at her - they should be. Blair created this situation by lying to them and now she gets to accept the consequences. You can certainly discuss with your kids what it means to forgive someone who has done something wrong - everyone needs to give and receive forgiveness at some point.
But the ideal result is for your kids to tell Blair that they forgive her for lying to them when they are ready to do so. That will reinforce Blair’s responsibility for this situation.