Woman refuses to let cousin wear grandma's wedding dress because she's heavier. AITA?
"AITAH for not giving my wedding dress to my cousin to wear?"
Four years ago ish I (31f) married my husband. We were fortunate that my parents insisted on paying for our wedding with only wanting very limited input (my dad wanted surf and turf to be an entree option and some work colleagues invited.) My paternal grand parents are/were super affluent.
My grandma on dad’s side wanted to come dress shopping with my mom, grandma on mom’s side (I’m closer with my mom’s parents), sister, bridesmaids and me. I knew what I wanted but kept finding dresses that were close to what I wanted but not quite right.
The manager of the store offered to have a consult with the designer I loved which was amazing. My paternal grandmother said she wanted to pay for me to have my dream dress customized. I was hesitant but she insisted. (She tends to like to mention what she has done for someone to brag etc but whatever).
So my dress was perfect and customized just for me and I’m assuming quite pricey, I don’t know how much exactly. Grandma bragged about how proud she was for making our big day so special but honestly it didn’t bother me. After the wedding my mother had my dress preserved for me.
Fast forward to last week, my cousin (39f) contacted me requesting I give her “grandma’s wedding dress” as she recently got engaged. I was confused at first but then she clarified she wanted my wedding dress. Since grandma had passed she felt it was only right so she could have something special to “honor her”. I was pretty taken aback honestly.
The dress is super special to me and the company we used to preserve it voids their guarantee if it is taken out. There is also the issue of my cousin being about 50lbs heavier and 3-4 inches shorter than I am. So my dress would have to be severely altered.
I politely declined and she went off on me. I ended the call and some hours later I was added to a family group chat where my cousin, my aunt and a couple of my other cousins (her siblings) started guilting me over the dress.
One cousin even sarcastically said maybe I wanted to keep it because I want to wear for my next wedding. Wtf?! My aunt commented that since I didn’t even have a real wedding in a church I shouldn’t care. (Husband is Jewish and I was raised Catholic but had a non religious ceremony.)
I am upset, but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised because it was a total money grab and bickering over heirlooms/jewelry when she passed despite their being a very detailed will. I’m ignoring those relatives currently with some family on my side and others not getting involved. AITAH for not just letting her wear the dress?
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
Hi_Im_Dadbot said:
NTA. It's not the "grandmother's" wedding dress, it's yours. She wants to take it and make it hers. It has nothing to do with honoring the lady, it has to do with not paying to get one of her own.
Now, to be clear, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her making the request. You have a dress which she likes and you're never going to wear again and she could save some cash on her wedding by having that altered for her instead of buying a new one - no worries at all.
However, after you told her no because of the sentimental value and all that which it has for you, her getting annoyed at you not giving her your important stuff makes her the ahole here.
murphy2345678 said:
NTA. As others have said it’s not Grandma's dress. It was a gift to you. She has no right to the dress. Remove yourself from the group chat. Ignore them and anyone who harassed you. Tell everyone that it’s your dress and you will not be talking about it anymore.
SuperHuckleberry125 said:
NTA. The dress doesn't belong to grandma it is YOUR WEDDING DRESS . Customed made for you. Fitted for you. Preserved you. Grandma had the dress made for you. Ignore the ignorance of others and block them.
BulkyCaterpillar4240 said:
It’s your dress, grandma paid for it, it was a gift. NTA. Your cousin is the AH. If she wants to honor grandma she should wear any of the jewelry pieces she stole. Block their numbers.
cassowary32 said:
NTA. I don't know why they are obsessed with your dress. They have no rights to it. Make sure it's somewhere secure so they don't scam their way into stealing it.