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Woman leaves bridal salon in tears after finding friends' yearlong text chain trashing her. AITA?

Woman leaves bridal salon in tears after finding friends' yearlong text chain trashing her. AITA?


"AITA for walking out of the bridal salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back?"


I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship.

Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute.

I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on. Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby.

I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through. I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning. Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn’t appear to be very good nature.

I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds.

Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.

My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school. While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one on one.

I was in tears. As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place. I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.

Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later. When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left.

I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw. She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business.

She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her. Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid. She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts.

Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out. My boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks: was I an a$$h0l3 to look through the texts and then leave?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA If I was in your place, I think I'd drop out of being in the wedding. It's one thing to jokingly make fun of someone 1 time but seems like they have done this to you a bunch of times. And it doesn't seem like it was lighthearted.

If I was you I wouldn't feel bad about looking through those messages at all, she handed her phone to you and feels like fate took the opportunity to expose them to you for who they are.


I think I'd drop out of their lives altogether.


Yup. Those girls are not her friends.


NTA. Searching her phone was maybe crossing the line, but that line is far less important than two supposed friends spending months making fun of you behind your back.

The all in good fun excuse doesn't hold water because you were not a party to it. You don't hide things like that from people unless you're aware of the fallout that would happen if you didn't.

I can guarantee you that the vast majority of the people who will comment on this thread would never make fun of their friends to other friends behind their back. This is mean girl behavior. It's passive aggressive, it's mean spirited and it's not how real friends treat their friends.

They were making fun of you because they're mean and not very nice people. And they hid it from you because they are mean and not very nice people. She made excuses and blamed you for the situation because she is mean and not a very nice person. You should drop them both like a hot potato because they're mean and not very nice people.

The OP responded here:


I have never had similar conversations with them and never even would. We occasionally joke around but I’ve only ever done it with both of them right there. Would never behind their back.


NTA. Neither of these girls are your friend. They are deceitful mean girls who didn’t even have the decency to apologize after you found out that they were being mean to you and secretly ganging up on you.

They are bullies and you are doing a disservice to yourself to continue relationships with either of them. Take out your phone, block their numbers, and take the time to find real friends who love and respect you.

You don’t need them and they certainly don’t value you So don’t give them a single second more of your energy. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.


NTA How could a year's worth of nasty texts "be all in good fun"? Clearly, these women are mean girls and bullies who are too cowardly to attack you to your face. I'd just keep walking out of their lives if I were you.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

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