'AITA for freaking out after my BF and his friends ate the cake I made for my friend’s bday?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for freaking out on my boyfriend after he and his friends ate the cake I made for my friend’s birthday?"

I (19f) have been with my boyfriend (22m and let's call him Jonah) for five years and we have a four year old "Anna".

He’s a good dad, don’t get me wrong. He loves our kid, plays with her, and helps out when it's his turn for the most part.

But sometimes, it feels like he just does what he wants and I’m the only one who actually has to be the responsible adult in this situation. Like, I don’t care that he still hangs out with his friends. I do too when I have the time and want him to have fun or whatever. But when they come over, they get way too rowdy.

They’ll be drinking, blasting music, smoking (grass, not cigarettes but still I don’t want that around my kid), and just being loud. I’ve told him a million times that’s not the kind of energy I want our daughter around, and he just acts like I’m being uptight. So when I know he’s having a “chill night” with them, I usually just take Anna to my parents’ house so she doesn’t have to deal with it.

This time, I was actually excited to get out of the house for another reason. My best friend’s birthday. She’s been talking about this specific cake for months; a chocolate cheesecake-stuffed sheet cake (which, btw, took me forever to get right) so we agreed I’d make it for her birthday. I was so happy with how it turned out.

Baking's one of the few little things I got in between taking care of Anna and online school so I get really happy and proud about it when I get do it. Whether it's just for fun or for someone else.

I spent hours making this cake. It was perfect. Before I left for my parents' house, I made it very, very clear to my boyfriend: “Do not touch this cake. It’s for [friend].” He kinda laughed and went, “Yeah, okay, babe,” like I was being weird for even saying it.

I come back the next morning, go to grab the cake, and…half of it is gone. Like, a whole side of it just destroyed. I did have the thought maybe he would've cut himself a little piece (which would’ve still pissed me off but whatever), but no, his friends got into it too. I asked him what the hell happened, and Jonah just shrugged and told me that they had the munchies.

Like that was some kind of valid excuse. I was so mad. I told him I spent hours on it, that it was literally my best friend’s birthday cake, and that I had specifically told him not to touch it. And he had the audacity to go, “Babe, it’s just some cake, why are you acting like this?”

Like, I don’t know, maybe because I put so much effort into it and now I have nothing to bring to my friend’s party?? He kept going on about how I was “blowing things out of proportion” and how I “could just make another one.”

As if I even have the time to do that and for it to be ready for the party. We kept arguing about it until he rolled his eyes at me and told me if I was gonna act like that over cake then I could stay with my parents.

So yeah. He kicked me out.

I barely had time to grab my things and our daughter because he was practically shooing me out of the door, and leave.

Now I’m back at my parents’ house, feeling so stupid for even being surprised.

And of course, now Jonah's texting me acting all confused like he never did anything. He’s saying, “I just needed space to cool down,” and “I didn’t mean for you to actually leave-leave.”

I felt pretty justified until my mom told me basically that I need to let things like this and not overreact so much over mistakes. My mom is usually right when she tells me things like this.

Soo yeah.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Onallfronts wrote:

Leave him, and make sure to get child support. you and your daughter deserve better than him.

OP responded:

I get what you're saying but his parents will rain hellfire on my soul if I try that.

Onallfronts responded:

So they're threatening you into staying?

OP responded:

I just know how they can be. Their lawyers are vicious attack dogs.

[deleted] wrote:

Ask your parents for help too, I'm sure they can find just as vicious lawyers as his parents. Also keep receipts! Any texts of him acting out, also any record of him smoking around your daughter (texts pictures, etc), his lawyers can be overpaid booty holes but can't argue with facts.

OP responded:

Ehh I'm not sure if they'd lend the money tbh. Besides them only helping like that if you're literally and truly homeless, they're very much "kids need two parents" types

[deleted] wrote:

Is your daughter’s well being less valuable to you than being in court?

OP responded:

That's a slap in the face. Thank you.

Hours later, OP shared a small update.

EDIT: I've left my mom's house and I'm staying at a friend's place with my daughter . I'm going to meet with a lawyer this Thursday for a free consultation.

Almost three weeks later, OP shared another update.

Hi again. It’s been about three weeks since my original post (21 days to be exact, yeah I’ve been counting). So yeah. A lot has happened since I posted. I didn’t expect this many people to even read it, let alone support me the way y’all did. First off, thank you, seriously. It made me realize I wasn’t as crazy or overdramatic as some people kept trying to make me feel.

Me and Anna are staying with my friend. She's been amazing. Helping with Anna, giving me a place to crash, and making a part of her living room into a little area for my online school. I’ve been applying to part-time jobs (cafes, bakeries, whatever I can get), and one place actually seemed really interested, so fingers crossed. Sadly it did get messier though. A week ago, I found out Jonah’s been cheating on me.

One of his friends, who honestly always seemed more decent than the rest, DM’d me out of nowhere and basically said I “deserved to know” because Jonah was bragging about messing around with some girl he met at a party weeks ago. I didn’t even have to ask for proof; he sent screenshots of their texts and a photo of them together.

I was still trying to process that when Jonah showed up at my friend’s place.

I didn’t tell him to come. I hadn’t answered any of his texts, and I definitely didn’t say he could just roll up. I was outside with Anna on the porch, letting her ride her scooter for a bit while I kept an eye on her.

He pulled up, got out of the car, already yelling; accusing me of “trying to take his daughter away from him” and “trying to ruin his life.” I told him to leave and kept my voice calm because Anna was right there, but he kept pushing it, getting louder and more aggressive. I told him I knew about the cheating because his friend told me when he tried to go off about me not being loyal.

That’s when he lost it completely. He got in my face, called me a bunch of names I’m not repeating here, and then slapped me hard. I fell back but managed to catch myself with my arms before I hit the steps. I didn’t hit my head, but I landed weird and felt the worst pain in my wrist. Then while I was still on the ground, he spat on me. Right in front of our daughter.

Anna started crying and ran toward me. I grabbed her with my good arm and rushed inside. My friend was already calling the authorities when I told her what happened. Jonah took off before they got there. I went to urgent care that night. My right wrist is fractured and in a brace now. The doctor said it should heal okay, but it still hurts like hell and makes everything harder; school, job apps, parenting.

I’m working with the lawyer I mentioned before and filing for a protective order. I am pressing charges. I never thought I’d be in this kind of situation, but I’m not letting it slide. Not when he did that in front of our kid. Anna hasn’t been asking for him much, which honestly surprised me. She’s been sticking close to me and my friend. She asks questions sometimes, but not about seeing him.

More like, “We’re safe here, right?” And yeah, it hurts my heart but makes me feel like I’m doing something right. My mom still keeps saying stuff like, “He’s still her father,” and warning me to not make things worse despite me telling her what happened but I’m done listening to that. I tried to keep the peace. I stayed quiet for so long. But not anymore.

My dad’s been trying to stay neutral between us, but he’s been checking in on me a lot and helping with rides and stuff. I can tell he’s more on my side, even if he’s trying not to make it a thing between him and my mom. Thanks again to everyone who helped me feel sane through this. I really needed that. I’ll update again when something changes, hopefully for the better.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

JupiterJayJones wrote:

Your mother is a f#$ing idiot and I’m very sorry someone as young as you is going through this. Continue to press charges no matter what others say, get that restraining order for you and your kid-god only knows if he’ll ever hurt her. I wish you both the best, and I wish you peace.

pacalaga wrote:

And please do not leave Anna alone with your parents. Your mother isn't accepting your boundaries and may try to force you to see him by taking your daughter over there.

SilverMorney wrote:

Wow your mother is horrible. DO NOT let her have any unsupervised by you specifically time with your daughter or she will expose him to your ex behind your back and jeopardize the protection order and custody completely and honestly from what you wrote I am sorry but I just don’t actually feel that your dad can be trusted to stop her. He is enabling her fully at this point. Stand your ground and good luck OP.