'AITA for frequently using the living room in a shared space when I don't pay rent?'
"AITA for frequently using the living room in a shared space when I don't pay rent?"
I(21m) recently got into it with my brother(29m) and SIL(28f) over the fact they feel that my gf and I use the living room too much. For some context on my living situation, I am a full time university student but I do work part time(about 8-10hours a week).
When I first transferred to my university from community college my brother and sil offered to let me live with them so I didn't have to worry about housing cost or food.
They said they were happy to cover the cost of groceries and rent since they both have well paying jobs and I would only need to pay for myself if I wanted to go out or order out. I've also taken over virtually all chores to try and make things more equitable.
Everything seems to have been going well these past few months but things are weird after my gf came to stay with us. She attends a university out of state so we are long distance and she is spending her winter break with me. Since the semester is over we have a lot of free time and have just been focusing on making up for time lost and just enjoying each others company.
The first instance I got that something was off with my brother and sil was when I sent her my grocery order for the week to my SIL, my brother almost immediately texted me and told me I was asking for too much. I had added some additional things than I normally would since my gf was visiting and I wanted to make us dinner.
A few of the things my brother had a problem with was that I asked for ground beef, chicken, steak, and shrimp for one week, but I tried to explain to him it was ingredients for a recipe I had looked up. He and my SIL did eventually concede and added it to the order with the condition they would use some of the ingredients for themselves to "make the cost worth it."
I thought that was weird but another weird thing that's been happening is when my SIL gets home from work, my gf and I have usually just finished making our dinner for the evening and are sitting in the living room watching tv. It is the only room in the house with a TV.
I could tell she's been annoyed when she's been getting home, but didn't think it pertained to me or my gf until my brother approached me at the end of the week and asked if me and my gf would please try to be out of the way and up in my room when my SIL gets home from work because she doesn't like seeing us "all over each other" and is also annoyed because she would like to watch TV.
I feel like both my brother and SIL are very frustrated and the level of frustration has surprised me. It's almost like it came out of nowhere. So I'm posting here to get some perspective.
Edit to add requested context: Did I ask my brother and sil if my gf could come stay? Yes and no, they've always extended a welcome for my gf and I didn't ask if she could stay.
But my brother and SIL asked if she was planning to stay for winter break (around early November) and I said yes and they were both kind of like "okay cool" as if it wasn't a big deal at all. For the grocery order - I usually make my own dinner and not for my SIL or brother because they prefer to cook for themselves.
It's always been our arrangement that I take care of myself when it comes to dinner. I've asked for steak, chicken and shrimp before but never in one order so I can understand where my brother and SIL got upset. I think I was overzealous and wanted to do something nice for my gf while she's visiting.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NoMeat9329 wrote:
YTA for playing house with your GF while a non paying guest in someone's home. You should be striving to be out of sight, out of mind as much as possible. If I came home from work and had 2 freeloaders sitting on my couch watching TV everyday I'd be pissed too. Treat her to lavish ingredients on your own dime.
secret_identity_too wrote:
YTA for not offering them money for the increased grocery order. C'mon, man, you want to cook special meals for your girlfriend (that's fine!) you need to pay for them yourself. They've asked you to be out of the living room when she comes home from work - do it. You are shooting yourself in the foot if you don't. Apologize and retreat to your room. Or, conversely, offer to pay rent money.
Unhappy-prune-14 wrote:
YTA. You are wearing out your welcome. You are a guest in their home and you are VERY lucky you don't have to pay for housing or food. You should be helping around the house and making sure you are earning your stay there, instead you've invited another person to stay there, use their house, hog the TV and living room, and eat their food.
You should be contributing to their house not taking as much as you can from them. You should be cleaning, cooking, and helping out, not inviting others to mooch off them. Think about what you're going to do if your brother and SIL decide they don't want you there anymore because that's where this is headed.
Aesperrachus wrote:
Bruh, they aren't upset at you for using the living room too much. They're miffed that you've invited a whole person to crash in their space and on their dime. Your girlfriend should not be getting free groceries. You need to pay them back for her portion to try to even start to fix this. Soft YTA because you're 21 and honestly, I was more clueless when I was 21.