'AITA for not letting my friend borrow one of my designer dresses for a wedding?'
"AITA for not letting my friend borrow one of my designer dresses for a wedding after she called me 'shallow' for buying them?"
I’m 26F, have a stable job, no kids, and I like to treat myself sometimes. I’ve saved up for a few designer dresses over the years nothing outrageous, just a handful of nice pieces I wear to special events. I’m careful with them, and they mean a lot to me because they’re things I actually worked hard for.
One of my close friends, Lena 27F, has always made snide comments about my clothes. Stuff like, “I don’t get how you can spend that much on fabric,” or “I could never be that shallow.” I usually laugh it off, but honestly, it does get under my skin. She clearly thinks I’m materialistic, even though I’ve never judged her lifestyle or spending habits.
Anyway, she’s going to a wedding soon and texted me out of the blue asking to borrow one of my dresses. No apology, no acknowledgment of the past comments just “You have so many, I figured you wouldn’t mind.”
I politely said no, explaining I don’t lend them out, especially for trips where I won’t be there. She snapped back that I was being selfish and dramatic, and now a few mutual friends are chiming in saying it’s “just a dress.” But I can’t help feeling like it’s more than that. Why should she benefit from something she’s constantly belittled me for?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
toomuchsvu wrote:
NTA you are under no obligation to lend out anything, especially something expensive that could get ruined.
Don't do it OP.
OP responded:
Thank you!! That’s exactly how I feel. It’s not even just about the dress it’s the fact that she never respected it until she wanted to use it. Definitely trusting my gut on this one.
Zippykoala wrote:
Oh I see, you’re shallow and materialistic until it turns out that your carefully curated designer wardrobe is exactly what she needs to show off at a wedding.
Stuff that noise, she can rent like everyone else. NTA.
TALKTOME0701 wrote:
NTA. She has a problem with you buying clothes with your money but she's okay wearing them and fronting like they're hers? Tell her to check rent the runway. She can rent something for the weekend. She doesn't get to insult your clothes and then borrow them. That's ridiculous.
dryadduinath wrote:
NTA. “I wouldn’t want you to look shallow, after all. You should get something more you.”
Individual_Ad9312 wrote:
NTA. For the life of me, I cannot fathom why your "friend" would be so materialistic and shallow as to deign to wear one of your designer dresses.
On the other, if "it's just a dress," then your friends should have no difficulty in lending her one of theirs.
Agrarian_girl wrote:
When she asked to borrow your designer dress my response would’ve been, “I wouldn’t want you to be that shallow.” The nerve!! And eff your “mutual friends” taking her side. You need to end this, “friendship."
languidlasagna wrote:
I don’t understand how anyone has friendships with people who belittled them or make snide comments. I also don’t understand why you wouldn’t just directly call this out when she asked. Is this real? If so, YTA for not being direct with her about her sh#$ty behavior, but not for withholding anything.
wanderingstorm wrote:
NTA. I'd remind her of her past comments and how she should perhaps atone for those before she has the audacity to borrow any of your clothing. Then I'd still say no because it's my clothes and I can say no if I want to. And any one of your friends on her side is more than welcome to loan her articles of their clothing...
Ok-Listen-8519 wrote:
NO! She cannot insult your achievements then try to glow up in them. She’s NOT a friend. And those who side with her ARE NOT EITHER. If its “just a dress” then those friends can go and let her use one of theirs.. i bet she’ll ruin it & say “ooops, i told you NOT to invest in fabric”. If she keeps at it, dont block her. Keep all that & file for harassment. NTA.
NocensDomina wrote:
NTA. If it's "just a dress" then she can wear her own or borrow from them. It's your dress. You set a boundary. You didn't say it's because she always makes fun of you for buying them. You're the butt of the joke until you're "useful". Your friends are kinda jerks.
TerraDactyl87 wrote:
NTA, and when your dress comes back damaged and you want it repaired/replaced, she won't be willing to pay for it because "it's just a dress" and you're "shallow" for caring about it so much.
And honestly, I don't think it's shallow to buy yourself nice things, but either way it's no one's business how other people spend their money unless it's personally affecting them. I think lots of people make stupid choices with their money, but I don't say anything because it's not my money and I'd be annoyed if people were telling me what I should or shouldn't do with my money.
teresajs wrote:
NTA. Lena can buy a dress that's in her budget. There are many more affordable ways to buy a dress that's in her price range (Amazon or other online store, consignment, etc...). A person who's been so disrespectful about your clothing choices wouldn't treat the clothes with care, nor would she be willing to pay to replace the dress if it becomes damaged.
Spare-Egg24 wrote:
Honestly I think it's fair enough to ask. But then when you get told no, accept the no and love on. She's weird for making a thing out of this - and your other friends are even weirder for getting involved.