'AITA for refusing to disinvite my friend from our annual trip because my GF is jealous?' UPDATED

"AITA for refusing to uninvite my friend from our annual get together because my girlfriend is uncomfortable?"

I’m not sure why this is such a problem so I thought I should ask here. I (28, m) have been with my girlfriend Julie (29, f) for 3 years and she’s 6 months pregnant. She’s met all my friends including Lynn, who I’ve known since highschool.

Now Lynn and I do have a little story that’s not really a big deal. When we were in college she was starting to question her sexuality and was in denial about possibly being a lesbian. We got really drunk at a friends house once and came up with the brilliant idea to sleep with eachother in order to see if she “liked it” or not.

It was a stupid one time thing that we both laughed about and moved on from. After a while Lynn came out as a lesbian and she’s now married to her wife. Julie always knew about what happened and was still cool with my friendship with Lynn.

Now my friends and I are planning on a trip to my family’s cabin in the mountains that we go to every year when it’s snowing. Julie told me recently that she’s not comfortable with Lynn going and asked if I could not invite her.

When I asked why she admitted she’s been feeling uncomfortable with me talking to Lynn more often through video chat, but that’s how it’s been with all my friends. Lynn and her wife like to call and ask how Julie’s doing with the pregnancy.

She’s convinced Lynn still has a thing for me which is completely ridiculous. She’s married for crying out loud. This feels out of nowhere because Julie never mentioned having any problems about this or Lynn before.

I told her I’m not going to not let Lynn or her wife come to the cabin when they’ve been invited every year. Julie got really mad and it turned into an argument where she said I’m being a dick for not respecting her feelings on this. And now because I’m insisting on letting Lynn come to the cabin with us, I’m showing that I don’t care about what Julie thinks.

She’s gone and told her sister about this. Even she agrees that Julie is allowed to make requests if she’s uncomfortable about something; that I should be prioritizing her feelings as my SO and mother of my child. I’m really lost here and need to know if I’m being an a$$hole. Really having trouble seeing what’s so wrong about letting my friend come on this trip that she’s been doing for years.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Amara_Undone said:

Tbh this may end up being a non issue in the end because by the time this get together happens you'll both have a young baby and that may change how you feel about hosting a get together.

I don't think either of you are the arsehole and I suspect the reason this is "suddenly" a problem is because your girlfriend is pregnant and that can bring out lots of relationship insecurities and body insecurities.

This may just be one piece in the puzzle of her feeling insecure in your relationship. I would think about what other issues might be making her feel insecure like not being married can be another one that pops up for some women while pregnant. NAH

OP responded:

I hope so because it would really be a huge bummer to have something like this mess up the whole trip since everyone is really looking forward to it. We’ll have to talk about this again to find out what it really is that’s bothering her. I don’t want us to go on like this if she feels something is wrong

[deleted] said:

Eeek. NTA here. Sorry. While it’s totally valid for her to feel a tiny bit uncomfortable, it’s a little bit irrational. Lynn’s a lesbian, you’ve been friends forever, her WIFE is coming-

Some info: how attractive is Lynn- It could just be that Julie is feeling... well.. pregnant and not as sexy and desirable as usual. Or that she is feeling not as connected to you and is jealous of your ease of conversation and camaraderie with Lynn.

That being said, it’s a little silly to cut someone out of your life for something that happened once quite a long time ago. It would be hurtful to Lynn, but a great friend will understand and it won’t affect your friendship-

But I’d stress to your wife that you’d rather not go than not bring Lynn. Maybe save it for after the baby see if she feels better? Pregnancy hormones are a bitch. They can make you think things that are simply not real.

OP responded:

Thanks for the insight. Think for now I’ll let this conversation go and bring it up again when things are more calm. Hearing this all for the first time, it just seemed so surprising that she has an issue with this when we’ve all hung out together regularly for years. She’s even told me before how much she likes Lynn as a person so you can see how this would feel very unexpected.

And yes, Julie always comes too. We always include spouses and SO’s for this trip.

MissDoneWithThisShit said:

NAH. It sounds like pregnancy hormones, especially as she has never had an issue with your friend before I'm betting she's just feeling hormonal, fat and unattractive (I'm guessing your friend is not an ugly woman) and is probably feeling and thinking things she never has before 1st baby especially can be a big kick to the body and mind.

If possible drop the subject all together until long after baby is born and she's more settled and confident with herself again. For now just make sure she's pampered and loved and feels safe, the more you do now will help towards her mental health after baby's born.

And Mischevious_tail said:

As a pregnant lady right now I have complete empathy for what your girlfriend is feeling. Hormones and a changing body will make you feel all sorts. I also don’t think you’re being TA either.

UPDATE:

Thanks for all the comments so far. Some of you have been very helpful and it’s given me some things to think about. Julie was the one to come to me actually and she apologized for how she was being, also for going to her sister about it. She said she didn’t know her sister was going to tell me something too and just wanted to vent to her.

Anyways, we had a proper sit down and I asked what was going on. If me talking to Lynn has been making her uncomfortable, if she feels I haven’t been as attentive to her as I should be.

The thing is a few days ago one of her cousins called her because she’d just found out her husband was cheating on her. Nobody in the family knows yet and that news is what made Julie start wondering if I’d cheat on her too. Then with us talking about the trip it just made her mind go somewhere completely different.

She admitted she got a little carried away with those thoughts and after having some time to cool off she saw how crazy that was. Julie apologized for that. And I apologized for brushing off her feelings and treating it like it’s not a big deal.

In my mind of course I saw things different but I should’ve taken the time to see things from her point of view instead of being dismissive off the bat. So I acknowledge that was my own mistake and we should’ve had a more open discussion instead of us both getting defensive.

We talked some more, made plans to have some more date nights at home and other stuff together like some of you suggested to reassure her that I’m here. She doesn’t really have any complaints about the relationship. It was just this talk with her cousin that made her mind start racing.

No plans to uninvite anyone from this trip. It’s not as if it’s a for sure thing anyways. That’s all for now and thanks again for the comments/advice ☺️