'AITA for telling my friend that I think his GF is about to leave him?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my friend that I think his GF is about to leave him?"

I (30,f) am friends with Ruby (f30) and Tom (m31). We met at uni and were part of the same group of friends. They got together in our final year.After uni, Tom and I started work, Ruby did Masters while working. Her and Tom moved in together. After masters, Ruby landed a very good job and Tom decided to quit his.

Apparently, she wasn’t happy but let it go.Ruby and I were best friends but after graduation she became boring. While me and Tom would have a drink or two in their garden, she would study or work and drifted apart.

Recently, Ruby has been more distanced. When, I come over and Tom and I sit In the garden she doesn’t even join us, she does her own stuff. She barely acknowledges us but Tom doesn’t see an issue. I tried to tell him but he said it’s fine, at least she doesn’t bother him while gaming anymore.

She’s lost a lot of weight lately (she’s gained it because of her thyroid) and has just been focusing on herself). I tried inviting her to have a drink with us but she always refuses, frankly I think she’s taken adulting way too seriously.

Last Saturday, I was out with some friends and we’re doing a pub crawl. At one, I noticed Ruby having a drink with her friends (I didn’t know she had any) and she was her old self, laughing, having fun, cracking jokes. She was the life of a party. I didn’t know any of these people and I suspected Tom didn’t either. I texted Tom and he said he’s busy with a game and we’ll talk later.

I couldn’t let it go. She went outside with her friend and I followed them. It was crowded so she didn’t notice me and I kind of eavesdropped on them. I was lucky because they’re talking about her plans and it seems that she’s planning on leaving Tom. she’s sick of him not working and ignoring her but been stuck because he doesn’t work.

She saved money for herself and saved a few months money for him so when she leaves, he can have money to live off. I couldn’t believe my ears, what a B-tch. She said she’s got her ticket and house sorted but she saw me before saying more. She looked at me with disgust, didn’t even acknowledge me and she switched to another language with her friend.

I got a taxi and went straight to Tom’s telling him what I hear. He told me to stop being silly. I told him that he should consider what to do so she stays and he said she has no reason to leave. We played some games and got a bit more drunk. I stayed on their sofa and didn’t know when Ruby came home.

I was woken up by Ruby at 2pm, and she called me an a$$hole amongst other names, kicked me out of the house, telling me to never come again. She was pissed because Tom confronted her about leaving. She told me to not meddle and I told her he has a right to know if she’s going to leave and has a chance to make things right.

Was I really int her wrong for telling him. I mean, we used to be friends but I don’t think I have any obligation to her but I am not sure. Am I really the a$$hole for warning him, I thought he deserved that.

Additional comments from OP:

he's happy thought, that's why I think he has a right to know. Edit: he said that the only issue they've ever had is her nagging him constantly but that's been sorted and she stopped and he's happier than ever.

he helps around the house. He suggested a child a few years back so he could be stay at home dad but she refused. So he's been helping with chores. He's not just sitting around gaming.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

FunkyOrangePenguin said:

Congrats - you might have been the last straw that broke the relationship’s back. She doesn’t seem happy and neither does Tom. Let the relationship end and mind your business. It’s bizarre you can’t understand why she’d want to leave him. YTA.

KidsWontSleep said:

YTA. All the way. Meddling. She’s too adult?? She’s a b!tch for planning to GIVE HIM MONEY to live on once she leaves?? He plays video games and gets drunk while she works?? I hope she leaves quickly to go live her adult life. And that you and Tom grow up. YTA. Extra.

[deleted] said:

I don't believe a 30 year old wrote this

[deleted] said:

ESH except Ruby. You sound like an enabler and a meddler and your friend sounds like a leech. But now Tom can be your problem since you just seem so infatuated with him. Ruby’s not boring either. She’s being an adult because you and Tom don’t want to be ones. She’s probably working twice as hard to keep bills paid.

[deleted] said:

YTA ~ Not for giving him a heads up, but for not understanding why she would leave a man who doesn’t contribute and has no motivation to do anything but sponge off her.

And Mrs_N2020 said:

OP- grow up. Stay out of other people’s relationships. And guess what? Of course your friend was super happy, I’d be happy too if someone paid all my bills and did everything while I sat on my @$$ and wasted my own college degree doing nothing. And he said the only problem they had was her nagging him?

Translation= she was telling him point blank the things that made her unhappy and the change she wanted to see in their relationship and he made ZERO effort to accommodate her. Hence the “nagging” continued. Ruby deserves her god damn freedom, her life will be much better with BOTH of you gone.

And in 10 years when she’s still successful and has a stable life and you and your friend continue to struggle, well, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves. You aren’t in your 20s anymore, NOW is the time to build the life you want which is what smart little Ruby is doing. Team Ruby!

She later shared this update:

Sh!t has hit the fun. Last night, Tom knocked on my door crying, she kicked him out. They were talking and he was beginning for her to stay, he offered to find a part time job and do more around the house but she wouldn’t listen to him and didn’t care that he wanted to try. She said she’s leaving in 2 weeks time.

He asked where and if they could meet and work on things while leaving separately but she’s moving abroad. She asked him to go and stay someplace else while she is packing and he can move back in once she leaves. She told him she had money saved up for him so he'll have time to find job. He asked her if he could get them now since he has to go someplace else to stay and she said absolutely not.

She also said that because of that (him asking her) she wasn’t going to give him money for 6 months as she initially planned but only for 3 months because he only cares about money.So he is not staying at mine because he doesn’t have money to stay elsewhere for 2 weeks and she wouldn’t even give him a penny.

He has his debit card (they had a joined account and she had a separate one) but she’s transferred all but £100. That’s all he has for 2 weeks. As you can see, she’s not the saint you guys make her up to be. Tom is heartbroken and all she cares is money and her move. She doesn't care how he feels or if he has a place to stay for the 2 weeks.