Man defends GF when friend accuses her of lying about being a nurse, learns he's been living a lie. AITA? UPDATED 2X
"A friend [29M] has made a serious accusation against my [27M] girlfriend [26F]"
I don't know what to think. The situation is that a buddy I've known for a few years who is dating another friend of mine has informed me that my girlfriend that I've known for 8 months is lying about her occupation. He is an EMT and she claims to be a nurse at a certain hospital in our city. EMT buddy swears up and down there is no way she works there.
This is really shocking to me. She's in scrubs all of the time, I've picked her up from the hospital she claims to work at, she has medical books all over her apartment etcetera.
My EMT buddy and my girlfriend have only met once on a double date with my other friend. They did talk shop a little bit and he's basing this accusation on that one conversation. He told me he would bet money she had never stepped foot on the ward she claims to work in.
For reference, she says she's a psych nurse at this prestigious hospital and EMT buddy asked her which unit she worked on. Apparently there are two at this hospital, the "East" and "West" unit.
He tested her by asking "do you work on "North" or "south" and she said, "north" and that she referred to patients being violent as a "code grey" and that is not the terminology used at that hospital. There were more small, technical details he claimed she got wrong like their nurse's stations being open and not enclosed spaces. Things like that.
On one hand, why would she lie about being a nurse? But also what does he gain from lying about her lying about being a nurse? I don't know jack about the medical profession, to be frank. This whole thing makes me feel crazy. How do I even bring this up?
The OP later added a short update the same day.
Well, this chick is insane. Mystery solved. She doesn't work at the nice hospital, she works at a not so nice hospital and not as a nurse but as a phlebotomy technician or whatever. She failed out of nursing school and is seriously obsessed. She said she got a TBI her third year into her bachelors program and was unable to finish.
I may have forgiven all of that but it's clear she has a tenuous, at BEST, grasp on reality and went on a bizarre rant about how she could be a doctor, how she saves lives, she's a genius; she knows more than anyone in the world when it comes to the medical field.
She claimed she could perform surgery on people, that she had healing powers, that she's the greatest person in the world, just on and on... seriously unhinged type of stuff. I had to tap out because she was really scaring me.
I've never been in such close proximity to someone having a mental breakdown. I wasnt supposed to see her until yesterday and I ambushed her at her apartment. Finally I just had to leave. I feel bad about confronting her. I probably shouldn't have left her alone at all after that.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial posts:
You can easily look up her license status by googling Nursing license verification in your state, then simply enter her name. It will tell you what kind of license she has and how long she's been licensed in your state. If she doesn't hold a license, you have a starting point for conversation.
Many people who work in healthcare facilities wear scrubs - it doesn't mean they have any direct care responsibilities. Also, she would be required to have a photo ID with her credentials listed on it. You can settle the question by asking to see her name badge.
Call when she's supposed to be working and ask for her. If she works there, shell answer and you can bring her food or coffee or something. If she doesn't theres a communication error in your relationship that need to be addressed. I wouldn't 100% be positive on your friends knowledge due to the differences in their roles/jobs.
Powerful_Profession (OP)
She's supposed to be working right now until 7. I'm going to call. Thanks.
Powerful_Profession (OP)
Well, I called up there and at first they thought I was asking about a patient and said they couldn't talk about them without their code and I said no she works there and the woman I spoke with said no one with that name works there.
I asked about the other unit and she told me she knows everyone who works in psych. I thought maybe she goes by a different name, so I started to describe her and the lady got upset and told me she had to go. I guess she thought I was messing with her. I don't know what to think.
A week later, the OP returned with a full update.
My ex girlfriend deceived me for our entire relationship. She told me she was a very important charge nurse with a BSN and worked at a prestigious hospital in our area. Here in reality she is not a nurse at all but a phlebotomy technician and not at a prestigious hospital either.
She had a total breakdown when I confronted her about all of this and ended up getting put on an involuntary psych hold. I do not know how she did it, but she got herself released after only 2 days and is completely off the rails.
She broke into my house. I came home from work the other day and she was in my shower. Not taking a shower, just chilling in there with my cat. It really freaked me out. She ran off before the cops came. They couldn't find her.
She moved here a few months before we started dating and I didn't know any of her family. After she broke into my house, I did some internet sleuthing and tracked down her parents and older brother.
I was able to make contact with her mom because they have a landline with a listed number. I told her the situation. I gave her all of the information I knew about my ex. Her mom thanked me very much. Apparently my ex went ghost on her family about a year ago. Her mom told me they would take care of it and just wanted her to come back home.
Her brother called me very frantic shortly after I got off the phone with their mom and I talked to him for awhile. He said he was flying out first thing to hunt my ex down. That was yesterday. I was satisfied and relieved with the response.
I spoke to some friends today about it and they think I did too much and shouldn't have involved her family because I don't know the dynamic. They could be abusive and got ghosted for good reason my good friend said. Honestly, I didn't think about that at the time and now I feel terrible.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Why do people have such terrible friends? OP did too much?? Yeah because he didn’t want his crazy ex to break in house again!! 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
You know who ghosts their entire family for a year “for no reason”? Very unwell people with families trying to get them treatment. That lady that gave birth on the NYC subway? Ghosted her family in Florida because of her mental health issues.
I hope her place of work knows and she's no longer working. I once had a very angry pleb tech take my blood and she seemed in a brink of a break and I was terrified at the time, especially since I was just a teenager. And people have issues getting their blood drawn as it is, don't need a tech who needs serious help to exacerbate that.
This clearly needs another update. I hope the OP came out of this unscathed, as his ex had already broken into his house once.