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Friend promises bride a custom wedding gift, takes it back when he's uninvited; AITA?

Friend promises bride a custom wedding gift, takes it back when he's uninvited; AITA?


It's standard wedding etiquette to give the couple getting married a gift when you're invited to a wedding, but what happens when your invitation is revoked?

Weddings are expensive events and cutting costs in every way possible is critical unless you want to spend your life savings on flowers. Still, expecting friends and family members to donate to your honeymoon or buy you a new set of plates when they didn't even get to celebrate with you is fairly entitled behavior.

So, when a conflicted friend decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a wedding gift offer, people were eager to help deem a verdict.

'AITA (Am I the As*hole) for not giving a wedding present I promised because I was uninvited?'

I (32m) was invited to a wedding of an acquaintance of mine named Molly a few months ago. I’m not super close to her or her fiancé, but I love weddings so I said yeah I’ll go.

Now, the relevant part here is that I have a very good career and make an excellent living. Plus I love giving gifts and splurging a bit. So, I spoke with Molly and her fiancé and promised them a custom made gaming pc since they game together.

They were very happy, and thanked me a lot . The price of the pc would come out to be a little over $1500, not counting the monitor I was willing to throw in.

A two months ago, Molly told me that unfortunately I had to be uninvited to the wedding as part of a cost cutting measure. She apologized, but assured me it was only because of cost. I was upset, but let it go.

Then I found out a week or so later from a mutual acquaintance that was still going that Molly told her she had to cut people because she needed the invites for some of the groom’s family who decided to come.

I was pissed, so I decided to not give Molly the PC I promised. Molly’s wedding happened two weeks ago and from what I can tell, it was a nice ceremony.

Afterward she actually texted me asking if we can talk about when the pc would arrive. I asked if we could call, she said yes. I told her that since I didn’t go to the wedding that I wasn’t going to get her a gift.

We had a long argument, where she said I was being petty and that I was holding it against her that I couldn’t come and that I made a promise. I didn’t tell her what I knew because I wanted to protect the person who told me.

She called me a petty AH and complained to our friend group. I explained to a few select people the whole story, most agreed with me, but some said that weddings cause people to make very tough decisions that aren’t personal.

Now I’m doubting myself, maybe it wasn’t personal and I’m just being petty, but she did lie to me and uninvited me while still expecting an expensive gift from me. So, AITA? open bar, free dinner, or dance party and this bride still wants a $1500 gift? Here's what people had to say about this wedding etiquette drama:

Lanasoverit said:

Molly is delusional if she expects an acquaintance who was uninvited to still give a gift. NTA.

Major_Barnacle_2212 said:

NTA. She’s got some nerve uninviting you and expect a reward for it.

Mindless-Locksmith76 said:

NTA. Wedding presents are commonly given by wedding guests and close family & friends. You weren't any of those things. And on that note, you aren't particularly close, so why did she invite you, other than your generous reputation? Seems to me she tried to pull a fast one and failed.

Dittoheadforever said:

Of course you're NTA. It is unbelievably tacky to demand an extremely expensive wedding gift (or any gift) from someone who was uninvited to the wedding.

allieadventurer said:

NTA she’s out of her mind thinking she’s entitled to a $1,500+ gift after uninviting you last minute. She needs a reality check. The gift was a WEDDING gift, not obligated anymore since you didn’t attend.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this bride is completely wrong to expect anyone who isn't invited to her wedding to buy her a gift. It's completely understandable to cut costs, but you also have to also expect to cut some gifts. Good luck, everyone!

Sources: Reddit
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