Friend tells engaged couple that marrying without a prenup is 'jumping out of a plane without a parachute.' AITA?
"AITA for saying to my friends (couple) that marrying without a prenup is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute?"
To give you a bit of background information, I was visiting friends (Jimmy & Maggie - fake names) who are engaged and are planning a wedding. Prior to my visit, Jimmy wanted to discuss finances, debt (both have student loans) and wedding costs, but Maggie does not finds this very romantic and just wants to enjoy the moment and enjoy their engagement and wedding day.
Jimmy wanted to respect her POV but said let's go to a civil notary (live in NL) and discuss and prepare a simple prenup to protect both their interests. She got upset and said that he was already preparing for a divorce and leaving her stranded (to me this would be a red flag and grounds for a more in depth discussion).
This is where I come in as Jimmy and Maggie asked my opinion as a legal professional when I visited them. I said, look you are a very cute couple (they are), are very lovely to friends, family and in-laws (they deffo are) and are overall relatively responsible adults (a deffo maybe, but he I wanted bring my point home). However, if you forget about the emotional fluff and look at the statistics of divorce, the odds are not in your favor. Knowing this, marrying without a prenup is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute (stole this sentence from a divorce lawyer who appeared in Soft White Underbelly (thank you Youtube)).
Maggie got pretty angry and asked me to leave as she said that I did not believe in their future marriage. I said, if you ask me for free advice, do not complain if it does not suit your narrative. I also said that finances are important in a marriage and as a couple they should be more alligned in this respect and have a real convo about this, regardless whether they will conclude a prenup or not. I also had these convo's before my own marriage. Financial issues can be a serious cause for divorce. I left and Jimmy apologized bc he knows I want the best for both Jimmy and Maggie.
Some mutual friends said I am a huge AH for explaining divorce statistics to an engaged couple and that the parachute remark was super uncalled for. I basically told them they could kick rocks (serious profanity ommitted) and that they should stay in their own lane. Dear internet strangers, was I the AH in this situation? Btw, I am not saying the wedding should be called off or that they should break-up. They just need to have the unpleasant and awkward convo's, like freaking adults.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
rebootsaresuchapain said:
In other cultures, divorce settlements as agreed and written into the marriage contract. So why shouldn’t your friend arrange one for his peace of mind. NTA for having this opinion but this was obviously a couples dispute and you should stay out of it (even when asked) if you wanted to stay friends with both.
Pearly_Savinon said:
NTA. When two people decide to marry, honesty and transparency should be at the foundation of that union. Marriage isn't just love and romance; it's a legal contract that binds two people together, with all the financial and legal implications that come along with it.
Discussing a prenup ensures that both parties are entering the marriage with eyes wide open and that expectations are set and understood. It's not about doubting the relationship's longevity but about protecting both individuals in case things don't go as planned. After all, no one buys car insurance expecting to crash, but we all agree it's wise to have it. Engaging in this conversation early on shows maturity and foresight, not a lack of commitment.
JKristiina said:
NTA. I’m engaged. Wedding will be in June 2025. I have on my wedding preplist a discussion of finances, insurance, inheritances etc. It is just smart, not preparing for a divorce. I don’t know if we’ll get a prenup, but we’re not in the US, and our divorce proceedings would be much more streamlined.
Rebbeca_Hreha said:
NTA. A marriage, for all its romantic appeal, is as much a legal partnership as an emotional one. Understanding and preparing for all aspects of that partnership including the good, the bad, and the unpredictable is just sensible planning.
Advocating for a prenup doesn't undermine love or commitment; it underscores responsibility and mutual care for each other's future, whatever it may hold. Pleasantries aside, life is full of unforeseen twists; a clear, pre agreed path can be the most compassionate option should the roads diverge. It's not about expecting the worst, but equipping both parties to handle whatever comes their way with dignity and respect.
Freeverse711 said:
NTA. Unfortunately marriage is not all fluff and rainbows. This stuff should be talked about before marriage. Maggie needs to wake up and realize having an actual conversation about expenses and finances is beneficial to her as well as Jimmy.
SnooTomatoes2805 said:
NTA. However taking a statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce and applying it to yourself is very simplistic. You are lumping yourself in with people who get married young/ are forced to get married/ etc. 50% of people get cancer I believe but risk profile is dependent on choices too aswell as luck.
If you are well educated (specifically as a woman college educated) and get married later in life say 30 ish your statistical chances of divorce are nowhere near that high. I agree it’s still a risk getting married but I disagree it’s as much of a risk as you are presenting if you are rational in your choice and mature enough to make that decision. I mean this in the way you are giving advice. I think a lot of people see that statistic and apply it to themselves.