'AITA for calling my friend's husband 'useless trash' to his face when she was sick?'

"AITA for calling my friends husband a useless piece of trash?"

My best friend and her husband have 4 kids, 8f, 6f, 4f, and 3f. My friend’s husband is a great dad when someone is there to help. When he’s alone with all 4 kids he gets overwhelmed and freezes. A few weeks ago my friend was sick so I brought over dinner. We thought it was just a bad cold.

When we were eating, my friend went to the bathroom and the 3 year old followed her. 3 year old came running out saying her mom was throwing up. All of the kids ran to the bathroom, followed by me and my friend’s husband. I helped her clean up while her husband went to get her nausea medicine and a thermometer.

When he came back I asked him to get the kids out of the bathroom so she could have some space. After we got the kids out, I took her temp and it came back at almost 104, so I went out to get her some Tylenol and water. I get back and the kids are all in the bathroom again because their dad can’t keep them away from the bathroom for 2 minutes.

I give her the Tylenol and water and she almost immediately starts to vomit again, then passes out. Her husband just stood there while I was trying to get her into recovery position, get the kids away from her, and call 911.

I managed to get all of them out of the bathroom and her husband is coming back every 20 seconds asking if I can call their nanny to help with the kids, if I can go to the hospital with her, did I start the dishwasher or does he need to hand wash the youngest’s sippy cup, etc.

When my friend regained consciousness, he even started asking her how to do bedtime for the little ones, did she wash their pajamas yet, did they get screen time that day or can he put on a movie. I told him his wife couldn’t hold his hand right now and he just had to figure it out.

He told me he’s not usually the one that deals with this and he’s trying his best, then goes back to asking what stories the kids like, what setting does he put the sound machine on, and how do they like their milk. I just snapped and told him to figure it out on his own and called him a useless piece of trash.

It’s been nearly a month and he still acts all pissy when I stop by the house. My friend says he’ll get over it but my boyfriend thinks I was unnecessarily rude and he was trying his best. AITA for calling him a useless piece of trash when he couldn’t handle his own kids while his wife was experiencing a medical emergency?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Traditional_Bench655 said:

NTA. Wife unconscious, he's asking about bedtime stories and sippy cups. Sometimes harsh truth is needed.

Positive-Relative775 said:

Honestly I think you were too kind. Would he have even called 911 if you weren’t there? Or just shaken her awake to ask her why she was slacking off? This dude is not a good dad. He’s cosplaying while his wife works herself to serious illness. I bet she hasn’t been given any help to recover either.

I would be making it my life mission to make this dude miserable and get my friend ready for a divorce. She’s already a single mum. Removing him would be a net drop in care work, because she has to parent him as well.

OP responded:

She spent 3 days in the hospital and her dad stayed at the house for a week to help out and I stopped by whenever I could to check on things so she was able to recover in peace for the most part.

Sandman1025 said:

NTA. Dad of 2 boys under age of 9 and nothing pisses me off more than lazy, uninvolved dads. It’s not rocket science, it’s freaking bedtime. Amd it’s appalling he knows nothing about the bedtime routine. Those are some of my best times/memories with my boys.

Spicy_Molasses4259 said:

NTA - He wasn't managing the kids while you were helping your friend AND he wasn't the one attending to his gravely sick wife. He did nothing and that is the very definition of useless. Emergencies happen. Next time it could be one of the kids. If he can't handle emergencies he needs to do whatever self work is needed to fix it immediately.

Explain to your friend precisely how useless he was when she was unconscious on the floor. What if you hadn't been there?

OP responded:

She knows how useless he is. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last.

If I wasn’t there I hope the 8 year old would be able to call 911.

Euphoric_Math3673 said:

NTA but your friend is doing a huge disservice to herself and those children if she stays with him. A marriage to spite her Dad doesn't make the guy she married a good Dad or husband. She sees no issue with the fact that she has to call a nanny every single time something happens? She and those kids deserve better.

Also, you did amazing handling it all and in calling him out. This random internet stranger is proud of you. Also about your boyfriend. Why is he defending a dude who is useless?

OP responded:

Her dad wasn’t in her life growing up so she plans to stay with him to make sure her kids have a dad. I don’t agree with her choice but I understand it.