'AITA for refusing to go to my friend’s wedding after she dropped me as maid of honor?'

"AITA for saying I won’t go to my friend’s wedding after she dropped me as her maid of honor because of my looks?"

Sophie and I (both 27) have been close friends since we were 4. We’re not the “speak every single day laurel/susannah” type friends, but I genuinely considered her a sister and her parents like an aunt and uncle.

Our families are close. My whole family is invited to her wedding, as is my boyfriend’s family (my boyfriend is Sophie’s brother’s best friend). That’s how close we all are. So I wasn’t really surprised when she asked me to be her maid of honour and i think I’ve been a good one.

Well, two weeks ago Sophie, the other bridesmaids, and I went to try on bridesmaid dresses. I thought we all had a good time and that it was a successful trip as we found dresses. Apparently not really, because a couple of days later Sophie asked to meet me. She asked that I step down from being maid of honour.

She said seeing me in the bridesmaid dress made her realize she just didn’t want me stealing focus from her and that she wouldn’t feel good standing up there knowing everyone was probably comparing us. I was so hurt, I admit I cried right there in the coffee shop.

Partly because I never wanted her to think that anyone would be thinking anything other than that she was the most beautiful bride on her wedding day, and partly because I was just so excited to be up there with her and she was kicking me out over something that I couldn’t even control and wasn’t really true.

So I said fine, it’s her wedding, if she didn’t want me up there I wouldn’t be, but I wasn’t going to come to the wedding as a guest when clearly my presence was going to be a burden to her. Sophie said that wasn’t what she meant, and I asked her to explain.

She said she desperately wanted me there so she was going to put aside her feelings but she just wanted pictures at the alter to be with her looking the best and to have that moment with everyone looking at her up there.

She also wanted me to tell everyone I dropped out because I was too busy. I said none of this felt fair and I wasn’t going to lie for her. I was a good friend and did nothing wrong and she was being a brat but that was her prerogative and I didn’t have to play along.

I told my boyfriend about this who was pretty horrified, and agreed that if I didn’t want to go I shouldn’t (although he still is because he’s friends with the groom). But my mum and stepdad think I would be the AH if I didn’t go. My mum said it’s also been obvious that Sophie was insecure (I never noticed this) and that she can understand where she’s coming from.

She said I’ve had the spotlight our whole lives (again, I don’t think this is true! Sophie is far more outgoing and well liked than I have ever been) and even though it’s pretty sad, maybe she does deserve to be the princess on her wedding day and I shouldn’t hate her for it. She says I’ll regret missing the wedding over this.

My stepdad says I should go because she’s my oldest friend and even if she is being unfair, sometimes you have to let people be irrational. I really don’t know now. Sophie and I have so many mutual friends there’s not a lot of people I can ask about this without it getting back to her, so here I am.

I feel like maybe I’m being a jerk having this blowup but I don’t see why I should even stay friends with someone who would exclude me from her wedding party over something superficial. And clearly she’s been sitting on these feelings forever.

Not to mention I already paid for her whole bachelorette party and the bridesmaid dress and contributed to the cost of her wedding jewelry. And now I just feel used. So am I being a petty AH by refusing to go?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Pollywoggle16 said:

NTA. Cancel every thing that you can to get some money back if possible. This friendship is done.

Kitten_Mittens_0809 said:

Ive dumped ‘friends’ for a lot less. NTA.

Responsible_Judge007 said:

NTA. Your Stepdad says „sometimes you have to let people be irrational“… well you let her be that but that doesn’t mean you need to do what else they want… maybe she’s your oldest friend but you are clearly not her friend if she thinks she could play this kind of game with you…. you didn’t go rampage or cussed her out.

You just stepped back and don’t play her games (saying to your friends & family you stepped down instead the truth). I’m fully on your side. This so-called friendship is doomed or is down. And get your money back, for real.

Astyryx said:

Make sure you let all the other bridesmaids know that Sophie finds them appropriately homely to remain bridesmaids, and you thought they should know where they stand.

And New_Seesaw_2373 said:

If I were you, I wouldn't go to the wedding either, and when people asked me, I'd tell them the truth. Sophie asked you not to tell anyone because she knows they'll criticize her. Well, no matter what you decide to do, there's going to be conflict, and this friendship is probably over. You know how Sophie has felt about you this whole time.