"AITA for refusing to fund a friend’s lavish birthday party?"

I am aware the title screams NTA but believe it or not, people think I’m the AH in this situation and it’s divided my friend group with more people being against me than on my side.

Background: I (26F) come from a well off family. My grandma (76) before she retired had a high paying job in the fashion industry. She wasn’t a designer or anything or well known on a world scale but she was known within the fashion circles. My grandpa (77) before he retired worked behind the scenes in the art industry so the two of their incomes combined was in the millions.

They could provide for my mom and my aunt with no worries but they didn’t grow up spoiled. My grandparents taught my mom and aunt the value of money and whilst the family was effectively rich, they didn’t buy anything designer or any extravagant purchases. The most my mom and aunt spent on anything was buying houses outright and setting up inheritances for me and my cousins.

When I was old enough, I received quite a lot of money as an inheritance from my grandparents, a few million to say the least. I put all that money into a savings fund for my future and the most I spent was buying a new car when I was 19 which is the car I’m still driving 7 years later.

Then, my mom died suddenly when I was 21 and I’m an only child, so I inherited even more money, our house and so on. I do not buy fancy stuff or expensive stuff. I quite happily shop at stores where the general public go as I don’t need extravagant designer labels to be happy. I also don’t really talk about my finances as it’s nobody’s business.

About two months ago, I had a few friends over and by sheer “accident” (I use that lightly), two of them found one of my bank statements. It was upstairs in my bedroom so I no for a fact they were snooping. I was pissed at them and I had to reveal my finances when they saw how much money I had. They were annoyed I didn’t tell them and I said it’s none of their business.

Now, I have a problem. It’s one of their birthdays soon and they want a HUGE party. I said that was cool and then they dropped a bombshell saying I should pay for it as I’m loaded. I was greatly offended and said why would I pay for someone’s party. It’s caused a massive rift with people accusing me of being selfish and hoarding all this money which I’m probably never going to touch.

I told them that that’s MY money and I’m saving it for my future and any future family I may have and I’ve been labelled an AH.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. I’m sorry OP but you’re friends suck. They should have been dropped the second they went snooping in your room and them expecting you to finance their lifestyles is insane.

nerdandknit said:

NTA - wooooo DUMP YOUR GOLD-DIGGING FRIENDS PLEASE. I cannot believe they snooped, then had the audacity to demand you pay for their parties!
They are fully using you.

[deleted] said:

NTA. Screw them. If all of a sudden your money is important to them then they don’t sound like a good friend group. You have no obligation and I’m glad you stood your ground. It’s very childish for them to think that just because of your life situation that you owe anything to anyone. Find some new friends that will love you for who you are and not your money.

Oneiroi17 said:

NTA. They obviously already suspected if they went snooping for bank statements. At least now you know who your real friends are.

And OP responded:

I’m wondering if they maybe suspected after I got a lot after my mom died. I didn’t reveal anything to them but it was obviously hard to hide id inherited a whole damn house.

She then posted a series of updates on the situation.

First update:

Someone mentioned maybe my friends suspected that’s why they were snooping. Maybe they had questions after I got a lot after my mom died. I never disclosed anything to them as it was private but it was hard to hide I had a whole house I owned suddenly. I also am able to work a lot less hours than them so maybe they’ve always wondered how ibe managed to survive on a “low income”

Second update:

I should add my grandparents are still alive. The inheritance I got from them was money they’d saved for me for when I was of age.

Third update:

To those saying I’m an AH for my views on marriage. I would NEVER get a joint bank account. I think it’s only fair you both hold onto your money, don’t share and the only time technical sharing should come up is if you’re both paying half of whatever.

Also I don’t ever wanna get married to those who decides to berate me for my view on marriage and getting offended why I didn’t have a reason for not wanting to get married. I also don’t understand why people are getting so annoyed that I wouldn’t share my money with an SO.

The simple reasoning for that is I do not want an SO or a life partnership. I’m content remaining single. I also would like a future family one day not that I need to mention that and will probably go the adoption or donor dad route.

Fourth update:

I also checked my bank accounts and changed my security up as a precaution so nothing was taken. As for the paper statements, I am one of the few people who does like to have paper copies of my accounts.

And yes, I do plan on cutting these friends out. I just wanted some honest to god insight into this situation as it’s incredibly frustrating and on another level, I’m losing most of my friends I’ve known for years so it’s really upsetting me.

Then she shared this fifth and final update:

It was also brought up why I never disclosed I was this well off to my close friends. Yes I could have told them and never mentioned exact figures but that info is deeply private. They never mentioned their situations and I never thought to ask as finances are nobody’s business but your own. I have no obligation to tell anyone how much money I have or how well off I am.

Amen!