'AITA for being furious that my husband and his mom hid that she lost her pension to a scam?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for being furious that my husband and his mother hid that she lost her pension to a scam and now expect me to financially support her?"

So, my MIL (mid 50's) has always been a bit…much. She’s a lifelong hypochondriac, constantly convinced she’s dying, despite doctors telling her she’s fine. Over the years, I’ve learned to smile and nod while she goes on about her “spells” and “energies.” But recently, things went off the rails.

She started seeing a soothsayer who convinced her that her workplace was full of "dark energy" draining her life force. She was advised to resign immediately and "devote herself to healing." Against all logic, she quit her stable job, cashed out her pension

Turns out, a few months ago, she met another soothsayer who told her her “life force was being drained by bad energy” and that only a cleansing ritual—for a fee—could save her. Long story short: she gave away nearly her entire pension and savings to this scam artist.

Did not tell anyone while going though her "cleansing." But here’s the kicker: my husband knew. She told him, swore him to secrecy, and he agreed because “she was embarrassed”. Months ago. And he said nothing. He claims he didn’t want to stress me out and that his mom was “just going through something.”

Fast forward to now: she’s broke, has no savings, no income, and is suddenly turning to us—well, me—for help with groceries, medication, rent, everything. And when I found out? Only because she confessed when she had no money left. I absolutely lost it. I told my husband it’s insane that he kept this from me and that I feel like I’ve been blindsided into being responsible for someone else’s mess.

He says I’m being “heartless” and “it’s not her fault—she was manipulated.” But I say she’s a grown adult who made a choice and hid it while expecting us to clean it up.

So now I’m scrambling to keep our own household afloat and make sure she’s not starving, all because of a decision I had zero say in. AITA?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

dabadabadoo wrote:

I would get an attorney and divorce him. You need to protect yourself financially. Meanwhile separate your finances, open a new account. Don't warn him....make that attorney appointment STAT. you do have a say. You can say NO.

OP responded:

Planning to. Our finances are not connected. My country does not do Joint accounts and employers prefer to pay into an account with the employees details. I just need to find out what I should expect to happen since I earn more than him and he has zero assets where as I own the house we live in (still mortgaged, though).

anonymous123456 wrote:

Why are you scrambling and not your husband?

OP responded:

This fool put himself under debt counseling, also without telling me, so his finances are under administration. He couldn't try even if he wanted.

ed_lv wrote:

NTA.

Honestly, to me this is divorce worthy.

Your husband committed "financial infidelity" and now expects you to pay for it.

If I were in your place, I'd be contacting the lawyer and looking for a way to get out of this marriage ASAP. Otherwise, you'll have his mother take and take while you're breaking your back to support her. F that.

OP responded:

I'm really considering it, but i feel that they will say I left because she needs support.

Odd-End-1405 wrote:

NTA. Exactly whose fault was it if not hers? SHE made stupid life choices. SHE allowed herself to be put in this position. Personally, this is her and your husband's mess to fix. Not yours. If he takes income from your familial home, then there needs to be a CTJ meeting on how he expects you two to stay together.

Mom needs to put her big girl panties on and go get another job. Does it suck? After 50, oh definitely. But she just has to start over like thousand of other people who lose their jobs. Will she take a pay cut from what she was getting, most probably. But it was HER CHOICES that led to this.

There is nothing wrong with being broke, needing help, working entry level work as long as you are doing your best to pay your bills.

She just wants to be taken care of and your husband is enabling her.

TarzanKitty wrote:

NTA. She is only in her 50’s. Tell her to get a f-ing job.

If it isn’t her fault she was manipulated. Then, it isn’t your fault that your husband is trying to manipulate you. He is the same kind of shit as his mother’s scammers.

Two days later, OP shared a major update.

Remember my (32F) MIL (56F) who gave her pension to a soothsayer and quit her job? Yeah — it gets worse, I'm embarrassed and I honestly didn't want to update, but so many people reached out that I have to.

If you read my previous post about my MIL who handed over her pension to a soothsayer claiming to cleanse her of bad energies, quit her job, and left us scrambling to support her — you’ll know I was already nearing my limit with my husband’s (33M) family.

Well...as I said in the comments that I needed to sort through my finances, because even though divorce was the unanimous answer the internet gave me, I needed to know if financially it was possible.

Backstory: I had a car I couldn’t trade in because of the shortfall. My honest, loving husband suggested leasing it to his brother. I was wary, but he swore it would be fine. We signed a contract, payments came in on time for a while, I got my new car, life went on.

At some point (before the pension thing), DH decided he wanted to take over the house finances. And like a fool, I let him. I slowly watched groceries and bills stop adding up even when I knew i gave him my portion. But things always “worked themselves out,” so I didn’t question it — because in that house, asking questions meant I didn’t trust him.

And now — while reconciling my statements — I realize the car hasn’t had a single payment from his brother in months. The payments were from DH the whole time. And the car’s apparently been “broken” for two months. And guess who knew and never told me? Yup. Husband.

When I found out about the car situation, something in me just broke. Not in a dramatic, plate-smashing, screaming way. Just quietly. Like a balloon finally deflating. I didn’t argue. I didn’t cry. I just packed a bag for my son (8M), grabbed a few essentials, and went to my mother’s house for the night. And before I left, I told my dear, sweet, loving husband he had the day to package his things.

He’s now moved out. Gone to live with his mother and I’m back in my house. I’m not sure how or what to feel about. I don’t know if this was the right decision, if I’ll regret this, if we’ll ever sort this out. I don’t know if this is me now — single mom in need of a lawyer. I’m just numb. And maybe that’s okay for now.

Thank you to everyone who listened, aimed for the throat and don't pull their punches. Bonus info: He apologized for everything and said he will do better but I stood by the separation and I know I made the right decision because when he left he took some of my groceries because his mother ran out. He still doesn't get it.

LMFAO. My life is a film with poor casting. I can already see that subway surfer background, because this is honestly rediculous, utterly ridiculous.

That's all.

The comments kept coming.

Madgeystardust wrote:

You made the right choice. This man would have sacrificed your family’s (you and son) finances to enable his relatives. Promising to do better when you’ve asked him to leave, and then taking you and kiddos food. Yeah, no. This farce of a marriage is over.

He’d set you all on fire to keep his mommy and his brother warm. I’m sorry you’ve had to discover this is who and how he is. Listen, how you feel now is only temporary, it WILL pass.

You and your son deserve better, and this man cannot provide that better. He’s a liar and will cheat the family he created with you so HIS relatives never have to experience consequences. See a lawyer asap. You need to separate finances, everything. He’s a lying liability.

OP responded:

It was sad to see it. I didn’t even comment when he started packing it. I was just done

rigbysgirl13 wrote:

NTA.

Lock down your credit! Check for loans he's taken out and not told you.

OP responded:

And he has the tendency of doing that.

[deleted] wrote:

You can't sign over a pension to another person. You can absolutely give them any portion of it that you have received and continue to give that to them as it comes in. But you cannot give them future monies automatically.

OP responded:

In my country, when you resign you get you pension contributions as a cash payout. And because she was over 50 when the pension law changed, she got her full amount. People, please normalize the fact that not every country does the same thing as yours.

Slytherinandproud wrote:

Good gods what an idiot. OP get your locks changed. I can 100% see him deciding to come back to the house whenever he wants, like when you're gone, and taking more groceries or whatever to support his mom on your dime still if you don't. He feels entitled to your money and stuff. Make it clear he gets nothing from you.

OP responded:

Lol. He just called asking if he could come do his laundry. I believe you are right about changing the locks. I don’t think he believes that this is really happening.