'AITA for telling off my 'future' sister in law when she didn't want to invite my younger brother to her wedding?'
"AITA for telling off my 'future' sister-in-law when she didn't want to invite my younger brother to her wedding?"
I 23f have an older brother, Drew, 26m who is getting married at the end of this summer. To say it lightly me and his fiancé, Lacy, 25f, do not get along. She's very stuck up and has made some snide comments to me and my younger brother, Max, 16m.
For context Max has always been the black sheep of the family. He is very academically and artistically talented but my father and mother are disappointed in his lack of sports (cliche I know), not to mention they've favored my sister, his twin, Caroline, 16f. Max and Lacy were civil for awhile but I guess I haven't seen them speak in a long time for reasons unknown to me.
The problem occurred last night when I was asking Lacy about the wedding and how the planning was going. She started telling me her seating chart and showing me what she had planned, I was looking at the chart and Max's name was nowhere to be found. I don't love Lacy but I'm not going to assume the worst of her, so I asked her where Max's name was and she got suddenly quiet.
"He's not going to be there", she said. "You mean not in the wedding party?", I ask. "No, he's not invited", she said it so calmly I'd assume she was talking about the weather. I kept asking her why she wouldn't invite him but invited Caroline. She just said that she feels Caroline is more mature because she is a girl.
This wedding isn't going to be child free, Lacy has stated this multiple times. I have many little cousins who are being invited, since family is very important to us. Not inviting Max makes no sense.
He is a very nice kid, and very mature for his age. Much more mature than Caroline. He never causes problems but like I mentioned earlier, there are some big issues with him not following Drew's and my dad's footsteps in football. I know Lacy is very desperate for my family's approval so maybe outlining Max is the way to do it for her but I have a feeling there's something more to it.
After what Lacy said about not inviting Max, I stood up and started yelling at her for not including Max.She kind of just ignored what I was saying but when I escalated, Drew came over.
As he was walking over she started to cry and make a bigger scene about it. Drew knelt down to comfort her and gave me dirty looks. Once she was inside he turned to me and started yelling at me about being rude to her, when she is under so much stress from planning the wedding and trying to get my family to like her.
I understand that my family is closed knit and kind of not welcoming to newcomers but that doesn't excuse her behavior and I told my brother so. I asked him why he didn't want to invite Max and he just told me to stay out of it (Classic move of him)
He called me an AH for treating Lacy like that, then walked out. We haven't spoken since last night. I understand that yelling at her was a bit much and i could have handled the situation differently, but i am sick of seeing Max being left out and treated badly.
I don't want to fight with Drew, but I'm standing my ground for Max's sake, Max also doesn't know about any of this yet and I'm hesitant to tell him. My parents have stayed out of it so far but Drew is still set on being mad at me. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA, but you're yelling at the wrong person. The person you should be having a go at is your older brother. He should be the one making sure Max is included. Frankly, if my family behaved like this, I would be standing in solidarity with Max, declining my wedding invitation and taking him on a nice day out the day of the wedding.
This was my first thought F-them. Skip the wedding and go out with Max for a fun filled day and evening. Including turning off both of your phones so you don’t have to listen to the barrage.
But I would also be very petty and invite family and friends to come with us on this awesome time not attending the AH's wedding. I would share it with all family. Many people have family members who are AH's but you know, they are your AH's and they are still invited to the family functions and of course weddings. Drew is going above and beyond and needs to be called out and shamed for his behavior.
He's not inviting HIS OWN BROTHER TO HIS WEDDING? This isn't even about Caroline. This is about your brother. Jesus CHRIST.
NTA. But: instead of causing useless drama, rsvp NO, and have a nice evening with your brother somewhere else.
This is vile. Your whole family should be shamed. Publicly and harshly. Honestly, if at all possible you should try to remove Max from this living situation. Are you capable of becoming his guardian?
Is there other extended family members who might be? This is an incredibly emotionally abusive environment that is, and will be continue to be, very detrimental to him. You weren’t wrong for yelling. Get louder, if necessary.
NTA. Tell your parents and make them understand how it’s unfair that Max is the only one not invited to the wedding in your whole family. Honestly it doesn’t even make sense considering that this isn’t a child-free wedding, so the whole argument of Caroline being “more mature than Max” doesn’t even hold up.
Confront her with your parents and Max there. She doesn’t need to include max in the wedding party but just not inviting him is a really low move. Make your brother understand this too. Hope y’all resolve this soon and Max also attends the wedding!🤞🏻