'I, (Gen Z), made a Millennial in her mid-thirties cry in the streets. AITA?'
"I, (Gen Z), made a Millennial in her mid-thirties cry in the streets. AITA?"
I (24F) and my friends (24, assorted) went to see a musical on Broadway last night. After the show, we decided to wait by the stage door to greet some of the actors. I just so happened to get the last spot directly behind the barricade. As more audience members start to join the crowd, I notice this woman behind me getting closer, and beginning to make contact with the back of my body.
So I push a tiny bit forward, figuring she may need more room. She does this again, making more contact now. I scooch once more. At this point, I was nigh spooning the person in front of me. My friends noticed me getting visually uncomfortable, and asked if I was okay. I say to them "Yeah, this girl behind me just keeps getting closer."
Not with any viscera or malice, I purposefully said this with as flat a tone as possible (I didn't want to start anything, but also I didn't want to downplay my own uncomfortableness by saying it in a lighthearted manner).
As I say this, The Woman Behind Me and her friend (mid 30's, white, southern) immediately lock in on me. They say some combination of "Oh, sorry I guess" and "She literally didn't mean to, whatever."
I said "It's all good, I get it, it's just crowded and I've had a long day." As we were in a large crowd and mistakes happen. As I turn around to say this, I see The Woman has literally BURST INTO TEARS. Like, is fully crying on the streets of NYC. For the next THIRTY MINUTES, as I'm trying to get autographs and chat with the cast, she continues to cry and make comments under her breath.
Saying things like "I don't get what I did wrong," "she could've like, said something to me" and "I just can't believe people behave like that." As the audience is leaving, after autographs, her and the friend flag me down. They tell me that they also had a bad day, they understand that I had too, and that it was just a crowded place.
Not really wanting to entertain a crying 30 year old woman anymore, I just assure them that it's okay and rejoin my group. AS THEY WALK AWAY I hear The Woman say "It just wouldn't kill some people to be kind."
I am someone who people describe as a walking ray of sunshine. I take accusations of unkindness very seriously, and it seems This Woman is adamant in the fact that my actions were intentionally unkind and rude. AITA for talking to my friends about personal space?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
1962Michael said:
NTA. What they wanted was to get a spot at the barricade. They were pushing into you to get you to move, so that they could squeeze in. When physical crowding didn't work, they decided to use emotional manipulation, expecting you to apologize (for making a neutral observation)...
...and ultimately give up your space to "make it up to them." The only thing you did wrong was to allow this person to take up this much space in your consciousness.
NoAppointment3062 said:
NTA. Those were crocodile tears. She wanted to villainize you in front of the crowd and possibly the cast. While I don't stage door, I've done my fair share of camping for barricade at shows and have seen this before. They get upset someone got there earlier than them, and then get even more upset when you don't back down and let them have their way.
DangerLime113 said:
Weird that you keep repeating that she’s 30, as if that matters somehow. You should have just said something the first time it happened and not quietly stand there annoyed before announcing it passive aggressively. Neither of you handled this with any maturity, ESH.
pottersquash said:
NAH. You are both whining about an incident that could've been resolved with a "Excuse me?"
llw0516 said:
You were not the AH, but you were seriously passive aggressive, you could have just turned around and said something politely, she may have been being pushed by others into you, you did say this was happening after more people were out there.
Jadedangel1 said:
ESH She was annoying, either trying to squeeze in to get closer or just as easily, could have been no fault of her own if the crowd behind her was pushing into you. But let’s face it, you were being passive aggressive with your comment and you know it, I don’t know why you’re trying to pretend otherwise with that “ray of sunshine” description.
You were irritated, but just didn’t want to be “direct” in saying it. And I get it, it’s the city, the crowds will make anyone irritable. And I don’t know what her age has to do with anything, constantly repeating it makes me think you were being even more of an AH than you’re portraying here.
Some people, regardless of age, are just more sensitive. Or it could be as they said, they already had a bad day and you were the final straw that contributed to her breakdown.
writinwater said:
NTA, but I really don't think a reaction that extreme was about you. You know how sometimes people from Not-NYC come to NYC and expect everyone to behave in exactly the same way that they do in Savannah or wherever, and then they get upset because people are busy and prefer to come to the point.
I had to have this argument constantly with a co-worker who moved from a rural area to a very large city and was positive that everyone in the whole city was unkind because baristas and grocery store clerks didn't want to take a few minutes to chat with him when there was a line behind him. People who aren't from large metropolitan areas just think the rest of us are mean, idk.
As far as not "meaning to," you don't get close enough to breathe down the back of someone's neck without meaning to, and the only place I know of where crowding like that isn't considered rude is China (and I'm not even sure about that one).
She absolutely knows what she did. Could you have been nicer about it? Yeah, I guess, but I'm not sure she would have reacted any differently. She'd probably just have thought you were being mean there too.
hiddenkobolds said:
ESH. She was over the top, but you could have spoken directly to her instead of about her. "Excuse me, do you mind giving me a little space" was a phrase that was available to you, even being in the northeast (where I'm also from, btw). I would think a "walking ray of sunshine" who's very concerned about kindness would have started there. Also, bringing up her age multiple times in this post was unnecessary.
Heckedy said:
So, two things. You point out the crying and her age, as if she's too old to do something a child would do...but you're the one who didn't speak to her directly about your issue? Let's go ahead and admit, you said what you said knowing she would hear. You definitely could have approached this differently but chose not to. So yeah, YTA for being immature.