'AITA for telling my family that this ancient geriatric mom has no time for their jealousy?'
"AITA for telling my family that this ancient geriatric mom has no time for their jealousy?"
Open-Oil-8286
Until me, anyone in my family who had kids did so by the time they were 27. Generally 21 was when my family members started having children. My parents were 19 when they started having kids, their parents were about the same age as well and my siblings all had kids before 25.
They also finished having children in their 20s and they are very conscious of that. I (39f) was the exception. I wasn't married or having kids in my 20s. This was something my family all highly judged me for because they knew I did want to have children.
They all told me I was going to be so ancient when I had them and they made a big deal about me being too old for having children and not being fair to the kids because I'll be old while they'll still be young and how much better it is to be active and capable of running around after them and to be the active grandma when they have kids, etc.
It was really toxic and my husband who was only a boyfriend at the time was stunned by the attitudes of my family. I had told him how they were but it really takes hearing the things they spew for it to sink in.
I didn't feel ready in my 20s despite my family's norm. We never had a lot and financially it was a struggle. I see/saw my siblings struggling and aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
That's what was normal and part of that was they were all so young and having these bigger families (5-7 kids average) and I personally think waiting would have helped that some.
But do I judge them? No. I just wanted something different. I'm glad I waited. I had my three children at 33, 35 and 36 years old and we are in a good place to raise them.
I went low contact with my family for several years because the comments were no longer okay with me and they couldn't respect my decision to wait. The number of ancient and geriatric comments I got were crazy and I was 29 when I went low contact.
Recently my siblings, and my parents to a lesser degree, have been accusing me of rubbing their noses in vacations I take with my husband and kids and the gifts we buy.
One of my sisters said her kids were mad that my oldest had their birthday party at the trampoline park and they never get to go. She told me I was really making all my siblings feel bad about it.
My mom told me I act like I'm so much better than them by taking my kids on vacations "at such a young age" instead of having them wait until adulthood like we all had to.
The messages annoyed me until I decided to make a group chat and I wrote to them that this ancient geriatric mom has no time for their jealousy and that I was not going to apologize for the decisions I made to wait or to enjoy being able to treat my kids.
I told them if they could not stop low contact would become no contact. They accused me of taunting them and lashing out unnecessarily.
AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Canadian_01
NTA - they are judgemental as hell, and jealous too.
They made their choices, you made yours.
And there is a difference between you 'actively' rubbing someone's nose in something, like 'we're going to a trampoline park for X's birthday' 'did I tell you about the trampoline park?' 'here's pictures of all of us at the trampoline park' 'have you ever been to a trampoline park'? THAT's rubbing their noses in it.
Simply having a party there and inviting them, is NOT rubbing noses. Now, their noses may be out of joint, but that's not your fault.
You're good to go LC. They sound incredibly toxic and jealous and you don't need that bad energy.
The OP responded here:
Open-Oil-8286
It's also a choice they make to keep looking at photos of stuff we do that I post online. That's how they know about most of this stuff. I don't tell them every single thing we do, and part of the reason is I know they can't do that stuff and we didn't get to do this stuff as kids.
booksandmints
NTA. You did the right thing by waiting until you were ready and happy to have children, instead of rushing having them due to some arbitrary age. Having children is the decision made between you and your partner, not your family. It does sound like your family is jealous of you, but that’s due to their decisions not yours. Their jealousy is their problem to deal with.
It’s their choice whether you go no contact with them — all they have to do is start being more respectful towards you. Time will tell whether they can get over themselves long enough to do that!
Impossible-Tutor-799
NTA. Omg you can’t do anything right! You do what YOU want with your kids. And if they don’t like it they can ignore or unfollow your social media. Or not ask your kids questions about their vacations and birthdays. What haters.
Cause_Im_cool
How dare you provide for your children whatever your relatives couldn't for theirs?! Let alone financial stability, but... A trampoline birthday? Really?! Bad, bad OP... Jokes aside, NTA.
Seems like your relatives are jealous of your wise decision to wait for yourself to be in a comfortable situation before having children. They would rather prefer you to be as miserable as them, since misery calls for company. If they insist, you'll have to go NC.
waitagoop
NTA. This is just the reality of having kids at different stages and ages. Don’t apologise for the decisions you’ve made which were best for you and your family.
SkyeMirage
NTA. You have every right to live your life the way you want, and you should be proud of yourself for making responsible decisions that were right for you and your family. You're not responsible for their jealousy, and you have every right to enjoy the fruits of your labor and provide memorable experiences for your children.
You set clear boundaries and made it known that you won't tolerate their disrespectful behavior any longer. Their accusations of "taunting" and "lashing out" are just attempts to deflect from their own insecurities and guilt.
If they continue to harass you, don't be afraid to follow through with your promise of no contact. You deserve to be surrounded by people who respect your choices and support you, not those who tear you down for not conforming to their standards.