'AITA for getting angry at my husband for interrupting my teaching sessions after I asked him not to?'

"AITA for getting angry at my husband for interrupting my paid teaching sessions after I asked him not to?"

I'm self employed, work from home teaching 1:1 online math classes. Parents pay a lot ($118 per session), and I need to give my students my full attention. My husband works out of the house, and is usually home before 6. I teach 7 days/week, so I'm often teaching when he's home.

My husband has a habit of coming into my teaching room while I'm on zoom, trying to mime questions at me. These are never emergencies. It's distracting, pulls my attention away from the student, and frankly feels unprofessional given what parents are paying. I've asked him multiple times to stop doing this unless it's an absolute emergency.

Recently, he came in mid-class to mime about my water bottle (he often refills it, which I appreciate), but I was in the midst of a calculus problem with a student while trying to decipher his gestures. I waved him away and later explained - again - why this bothers me. He agreed to stop.

Fast forward to tonight, I was between students when he got home. Someone was coming to pick up milk from our fridge (we run a small farm), and I needed him to know the milk was on the top shelf. I told him. He didn't seem to listen, so I repeated myself. Then I pointed it out and told him a third time: top shelf, next to the strawberries. Then I had to start my next class.

Less than 5 minutes later, he walks into my teaching room mid-session, miming "Top shelf? Bottom shelf?" I was furious. I tried pointing "up", but he still looked confused, and I ended up ignoring him so I could continue teaching. I later texted him the info because he's messed this up before.

After class, I confronted him about not listening and then interrupting me anyway. He flipped it on me, saying it was my fault for telling him while he was "busy", and that of course he wouldn't remember, and that I should have just texted him. For context, I have texted him before and he's still grabbed the milk from the wrong shelf.

Additionally, when I asked for clarification on what he was so "busy" with when I was trying to tell him the first three times...he said he was "busy" setting his lunch box and the mail on the counter and thinking ahead to cleaning the milking machine. REAL busy. 🙄

Here's what people had to say to OP:

icecreampenis wrote:

This man is not capable of LOOKING at a SHELF?

No girl. This is on purpose. It's not about incompetence. It's about control. If it were me I'd be laying a hard boundary. NTA.

OP responded:

Although, you're not wrong on being blind. He was looking for outlet timers a couple weeks ago. I told him they were in the gray cabinet drawer in the garage that had all the extension cords in it.

Several days went by and he kept looking for them, and told me he couldn't find them. I rattled off a couple other places they could be, and he check there to no avail as well. I finally went to go look for them, too, and the first place I looked was the gray cabinet drawer in the garage with the extension cords.

Without even needing to move a single cord or any other object, I saw two of them laying in the drawer. Brought them in the house and tossed them to him. He was so bewildered. "I checked there and looked all over!!" Nah, buddy. No you didn't.

Super_Selection1522 wrote:

Refrigerator Blindness is a well known disease affecting only men.

OP responded:

Not so much incapable of looking at a shelf, but we have A LOT of milk in our fridge. Specifically today, a customer was picking up a day late because he couldn't come yesterday.

But I also have milk on the bottom shelf for my customer who is to pick up tomorrow. I didn't want tomorrow's customer getting 3 day old milk instead of their fresh milk. So not so much fridge blindness as it is confusion about which milk goes to who.

dramaticswordfish7 wrote:

NTA. Sounds like he is deliberately sabotaging your work. Does he only do this when you are helping your students or does he go out his way to be a useless lump all the time? Has to be told where the milk is for the 4th time? Still expecting you to put the mental effort in and hold his hands with everything but will mock and criticise if it's not up to "his" standards.

What is he bringing to your relationship other than unnecessary hard work, stress and an increasing mental load. With added stress and dread every time you have to work, wondering when he is going to try and make you look unprofessional and possibly affecting your job.

The sheer disrespect to you boggles the mind. All his questions can wait until the end but the fact he does this everytime with things already discussed. I would get a doorstop and put it under the door when you start working. Have a sign up saying you are working, any questions can be discussed at such and such a time.

I suppose the adult thing is to try and have a conversation once everything has cooled down. But he doesn't seem to want to without mocking or constantly shifting the blame to OP.

Perhaps there is something to salvage and a good, honest conversation will get through his sound insulated skull. Maybe there is some stress thing going on and everything will work out soon.

OP responded:

He's gotten a lot better about taking on tasks. It used to be me taking on the brunt of everything between farm chores, house chores, cooking, etc. I've had some health issues over the last year, and have been slacking more on my end from the sheer lack of energy and GI issues tying me to the bathroom.

My teaching schedule has been loaded lately, so he's picked up a lot of the things I used to do. So I don't fault him there anymore. But he's got some massive anger issues and lacks accountability whenever anything is brought to his attention.

He views it all as personal attacks and always ends up yelling at me and shaking in anger. It's quite obnoxious to be honest. He goes to therapy, but I don't think he's taking it all that seriously. I had a meeting set up with a divorce lawyer back in July, but he talked me out of it.

Things have been slightly better since then in terms of him not breaking things when he's angry (not due to lack of trying per se...he's gotten lucky when chucking things around). I'm a bit tired of his temper tantrums. He does often act like a child when he's called out on anything.

deflated_hypnotist wrote:

This is weaponized incompetence. Tell him if he interrupts you again without it requiring a hospital visit that you will leave him. When he does it again, do it. Sincerely, Been there, done that. NTA.

KeyFly3 wrote:

Sabotage. It's sabotage. He's sabotaging her ability to earn money - this isn't feudal China where it was acceptable to cripple women's feet, so he has to do something to make sure she can't leave him. Weaponized incompetence is nasty, but sabotage is abusive and malicious.