'AITA for getting on a flight home when my coworkers I was traveling with weren’t at the airport?' UPDATED

"AITA for still getting on a flight home when my two young coworkers I was traveling with weren’t at the airport yet and were obviously going to miss it?"

This past week I was presented with an industry award in Nashville that an agency partner nominated me for. I am a Director at my company. My co decided to send two junior-level employees to the event as well because they thought it would be a good experience for them - a Specialist who has been with us a little over a year (25f, first job out of college) and a summer intern (21f, rising senior).

They are not on my team (report up through separate VP) and I have very limited / no interaction with them in daily work life. They were VERY excited to be going.

This was going to be the Specialist’s first time on a plane, lots of Teams chats asking what to wear, etc. We were flying in Thursday morning and leaving Friday evening so it was a very short trip, but I tried to help share info about the event (types of attendees, awards reception/presentation Thursday night with a country western theme, then I was speaking on a panel Friday morning).

There’s so much I could say, but I’ll try to highlight key points: Specialist barely made Thursday AM flight because she doesn’t have a Real ID and had to do extra screening.

She had no idea what a Real ID was, or the basic rules of flying (liquid restrictions, etc.) She was VERY upset they made her throw away some of her skincare that was over 3oz. Thurs night event was country western theme, and while a majority of people there were business casual, Intern shows up in a bandana tube top, micro skirt, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat.

I pulled her aside and asked if she wanted to run upstairs and change since it was still a business event, but she said she was fine and she thought she looked cute and on-theme.

After ceremony I invite them to join me with some colleagues I knew from other Companies in the hotel bar, but they tell me they want to “check out Broadway”. I make a face and say this would be a good networking opportunity, they make “c’mon mom” jokes, and so I tell them to be safe and remind them the time and location of first session the next day.

Text them around 11pm that I hope they got back safe, no response. Went to bed. Text them the next morning offering to meet them for coffee before morning sessions, no response. No idea if they actually attended any sessions or saw my panel, but I did find them in the hotel lobby afterward looking incredibly hungover.

Have about 2 hours after event is over and before we need to go to the airport, I invite them to late lunch with our agency partners. They decline because they want to go to the Country Music Hall of Fame. Again, make a face and say I don’t know if they will have time and I think it would be a good opportunity for them to spend time with our agency.

They act like I’m the wet blanket so I tell them I’m leaving for airport from the hotel at 4pm sharp and meet me in lobby so we can share a Lyft. Text them at 3:45pm that Lyft is arriving in 15 mins, no response. Text them that Lyft has arrived and I’m leaving for airport, no response. Text them when I get to airport and tell them security line is long (neither had pre-check), no response.

Text them when I get to gate to please give me some sign of life, Intern sends very short response about 10 mins later: “In Lyft, there’s traffic.” Nothing else. Text them flight is starting to board, no response. Text them when I’m in my seat that boarding is about to end, no response. Doors close, they don’t make it, put my phone in airplane mode. Land a couple hours later to a barrage of texts from them.

They’re “stranded in Nashville”, don’t know what to do, how to rebook, who to call for help, etc. I also have an angry voicemail from Specialist’s mom that I “abandoned her daughter in Nashville”, she has never flown and has anxiety, she’s having a panic attack at the airport and needs medical attention, she could be human tr*fficked (???).

I call Specialist and Intern back, both phones ring but neither pick up. Text to see if they were able to rebook, no response. Forward them email with our business travel info with after-hours contact and text them that I sent the email, no response. Texted an hour or so later to see if they were okay, no response. Did not call the mom back.

Also have text from their Director (don’t know her well, just started with Co a couple weeks ago) asking what’s going on. I send her brief overview and screenshots of all my unanswered texts to them from earlier in the day along with the transcript of the vm I got from the mom. She acknowledges my response, but no further dialogue.

Now, I get an invite for a Monday morning meeting from that Director with their VP and our C-Suite leader. My VP is on PTO.

I feel like these are adults, I was communicative, and I’m ultimately not responsible for their decisions. But you tell me, AITA here?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

MissHibernia wrote:

I think that OP went incredibly above and beyond here considering that it was a WORK EVENT SHE WAS RECEIVING AN AWARD AT so to have these junior idiots causing any type of fuss was really an unnecessary hassle for her when it should have been a personal celebration.

OP responded:

Okay thank you so much for saying this because I took it out of my main post since it was so long already, but I made a short acceptance speech after getting the award. I worked really hard on it and practiced a lot.

It was only like 90 seconds but I asked Specialist and Intern to film it for me because I wanted to share it with my team members who helped me with it. Left my phone with them and everything but they “forgot” and that kind of upset me. It’s obviously not the end of the world but like, come on.

Hari_om_tat_sat wrote:

So they even failed at the only job you gave them with explicit instructions (“film my speech” — official speech at official event). Definitely worth including in your bullet points.

lychigo wrote:

You were there as their coworker, not as their mother. Firstly, no one should be expecting you to take care of them in that way. They're adults. And even when you did offer them direction and support, they didn't even have the decency to get back to you.

And a call from her mom? Good Christ. I would come prepared with documentation and also let your supervisor know, even if they're on PTO that this is what was happening.

Mac1721 wrote:

The call from her mom is what really gets me. As an adult, I fully understand calling your mom for help when you’re panicked, like this girl stuck at the airport with no flying experience.

I would 100% call my mom if I were panicking in that situation. My mom, however, would help me get my s#$t together and clam down and solve the problem myself, not call another person on the business trip and yell at them for leaving me stranded. That far crosses the line

Apprehensive_Mark_20 wrote:

They seem to have mistaken a business trip for a vacation. Also they acted irresponsibly around time, dressing, and networking possibilities. None of this is your fault. You are not their mother. You treated them like the adults they are, the fact that they didn't act like adults is not on you NTA.

RebeccaMCullen wrote:

After their behavior on this trip, I'll be surprised if they ever get a chance to go on another company funded trip, let alone still have a job.

fetgdry wrote:

Confirming you are female re the “c’mon mom” comment. This shouldn’t be, but is this a gendered issue that your company sent a senior female to do work and babysit two junior females?

I can understand never having flown before, but you went above and beyond to look after and help them. They aren’t you direct reports and frankly they didn’t do their job of actually benefiting from your experience and network. They took it as a chance to have a holiday.

If a colleague of mine was late, I wouldn’t be expected to miss my flight to help them. What you did was again above and beyond in trying to organise grown adults. Re the meeting, if the people in attendance can impact your performance / bonus etc, I would strongly suggest emailing them to ask them what the meeting is about and reschedule when your VP is back.

If you don’t want to trouble your VP, I think that is fine also, but you should be prepared to make this an uncomfortable conversation for them as to why they think it’s ok to send two junior female employees to be babysit by another senior female employee. Would they expect this from a male colleague, my guess is probably not. Good luck and update us!

OP responded:

Thanks for this comment. I don’t want to make this a gender issue, but if the meeting does turn on me on Monday I have been trying to find a way to professionally say, if it had been [male counterpart on my team] who went on this trip with the same outcome, would you be having the same conversation?

Interestingly, perhaps, everyone on the meeting invite on Monday is a woman. My VP is male but on PTO so won’t be in attendance.

MissHibernia wrote:

I think that OP went incredibly above and beyond here considering that it was a WORK EVENT SHE WAS RECEIVING AN AWARD AT so to have these junior idiots causing any type of fuss was really an unnecessary hassle for her when it should have been a personal celebration.

OP responded:

Okay thank you so much for saying this because I took it out of my main post since it was so long already, but I made a short acceptance speech after getting the award. I worked really hard on it and practiced a lot. It was only like 90 seconds but I asked Specialist and Intern to film it for me because I wanted to share it with my team members who helped me with it.

Left my phone with them and everything but they “forgot” and that kind of upset me. It’s obvi not the end of the world but like, come on.

Hari_om_tat_sat wrote:

So they even failed at the only job you gave them with explicit instructions (“film my speech” — official speech at official event). Definitely worth including in your bullet points.

A day later, OP shared an update.

(Insert “it’s meeeeee” Wicked meme here). Here’s my update after my meeting this morning. Meeting over. CMO didn’t join. It was other VP and Director, plus the internship coordinator, who is in HR. VP asked all the questions.

It was over Teams, on camera, recorded, almost comically formal, like I was being deposed or something. During the meeting: Was asked to recap what happened, starting from when we arrived. I was prepared, had all my key points.

Kept it factual on my actions, no speculation on their actions. I shared my phone screen live, went through the text messages with timestamps and the voicemail from Specialist’s mom. I was asked if I had requested or encouraged Specialist to put any expenses on her P-card. This question took me by surprise.

I said I didn’t even ask or consider that she had a P-card, and beside the Lyft from airport to hotel, which I scheduled/paid for, I was never outside of the hotel/official conference activities with either Specialist or Intern that would have required any sort of payment. I did say I would consider it to be her line manager’s responsibility to make sure she understood our travel and expense policies prior to traveling.

I was asked if at any point I had reached out to anyone at the office about anything that was transpiring, to which I said no, I certainly intended to when I returned, but we are talking about everything that happened within a 32-ish hour window.

This was all while I was trying to focus on what I was sent there to do: participate as a panel member at the conference, attend other presentations, take advantage of face-to-face time with our agency, and accepting my award.

I said I felt it was reasonable to believe any other attendees would have expectations for participation and outcomes set by their leadership team, especially when coming from another department, where I wouldn’t be knowledgable about their goals and objectives.

Similarly, if there were different expectations of me based on other Co attendees, I would expect that to be clearly communicated in advance. I was not asked if I thought Intern and/or Specialist should receive any sort of reprimand, and I didn’t feel comfortable trying to interject something like that based on the flow of conversation.

I’m under the impression that they’re meeting with Specialist and Intern separately, but my meeting was first. After the meeting I debriefed with a trusted colleague, who shared the following from Friday “water cooler” chats:

I definitely offended Intern by pulling her aside about her outfit. She posted it to Snapchat with a caption about it, and some other interns/employees saw it. Dying to know what exactly it said, but coworker said everyone who did see it agreed it was inappropriate for a work event.

ALLEGEDLY Specialist’s mom had once called previous Director (who left, Director in meeting today replaced him) about Specialist’s working hours. It is known that several months ago Specialist was pulled off a high profile project team. Apparently when she was asked to put in some evening and weekend hours to meet a deadline, Mom called Director and complained.

Don’t know if I believe this to be true but Mom stepping in could be a pattern. What I’m hoping helps validate my “testimony” is separately on Friday, one of my agency partners I was with emailed my CMO about a conversation we had after the ceremony on Thursday evening with some ideas he had.

Typical agency sales-y stuff, but he also unknowingly corroborated my alibi on Thursday night. So, that’s where we are at. Last night I had convinced myself this all would result in me receiving a big apology or acknowledgment of wrongdoing, and that I shouldn’t have had to deal with this, etc.

But I didn’t, which makes me feel this is still a bit unresolved. I did send all my notes to my VP on Sunday, but his PTO is medical related and I know he’s not able to really check in, so just keeping my head down until I hear anything else.

The commenters continued to be invested.

chrisff1989 wrote:

Sounds like they paid for random stuff using their company card and tried to blame you for it. I'd be shocked if they keep their jobs.

MSK165 wrote:

Thank you for this update. You won’t get an apology. That’s not how this works. One of the leadership may tacitly acknowledge that their behavior was wrong, but your involvement in this saga is over.

My prediction: this is a career-limiting event for both of them. Intern will not be receiving an offer, and specialist will be terminated for using her P-card for unapproved items. (The termination will actually be for her helicopter mother, but on paper it’ll be for expense policy violations.)

ShaneRealtorandGramp wrote:

Nah, both will be fired for unprofessionalism during their trip with the additional violation for the specialist charging improper stuff as well. The specialist is really screwed because she will lose out on income and benefits.

The intern is probably still in college so she can go through entry level recruitment but it's still going to be a pain and its a small world so news of the interns behavior will spread. The punishments they are getting match with how much both of them f#$ked up